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mely_no's FML badges
It’s in the can
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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
I agree, their lives suck
200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.
mely_no's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 06/19/2013 at 10:23pm / United States (Missouri) / Love
Today, I was at the airport when I saw a woman drop her bags and run to her husband. Thinking that someone might steal them, I picked up her bags and brought them over to her. She thanked me by slapping me, calling me a bitch and calling security. FML
by Anonymous / 06/19/2013 at 8:13pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/19/2013 at 12:12pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I was planning on having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, so I asked my roomate to stay out of our apartment. About half-way through, my roomate blared "The Eye of the Tiger" from the other side of the door. My girlfriend laughed so hard that we couldn't finish. FML
by Anonymous / 06/18/2013 at 12:16pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, my husband was in our newborn's room, holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor, because I overheard him say, "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML
by imarriedanaxemurderer / 06/18/2013 at 1:01am / United States (Illinois) / Kids
Today, I started my new job as a cashier for a drugstore. As I scanned some children's medicine for a family, I gave the girl a tissue because her nose was running. Later, my boss sat me down and told me there had been a complaint about a "female pedo-employee". I'm the only woman working there. FML
by Anonymous / 06/17/2013 at 8:27pm / United States (California) / Work
by young grandpa / 06/17/2013 at 6:49pm / United States (Georgia) / Kids
Today, my daughter had ice cream while I was napping. She didn't want me to know so she put the bowl in the trashcan and put the spoon in the garbage disposal and turned it on, because she thought it would make the spoon disappear. FML
by cherbear1000 / 06/17/2013 at 12:33am / United States (Maryland) / Kids
by scarredforlife / 06/16/2013 at 7:27pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by not a brain cell in sight / 06/16/2013 at 4:20pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by idontwanttoknow / 06/16/2013 at 7:37am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was making love to my boyfriend, when he discovered that if he hits a certain area just right, my leg starts shaking like a dog. Now he won't stop patting my head and saying, "Who's a good girl?!" FML
by woof woof?? / 06/15/2013 at 4:26pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
by bloody / 06/15/2013 at 4:57am / United States / Love
Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML
by well then... / 06/15/2013 at 1:04am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend got into bed with me and started fooling around. I had a terrible migraine, which she knew, so I asked her to stop because it wasn't helping. She then yelled at me for being "ungrateful" and "selfish", and accused me of secretly being gay. FML
by Anonymous / 06/14/2013 at 5:21pm / Australia (Queensland) / Health
- 1Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation… 2Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 3Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went…
- Today, I found out that I can get my girlfriend to make more sex noises by massaging her back than… Today, my girlfriend and I were taking a shower together. We were fooling around when she takes the… Today, I got into an accident on my motorcycle. When I told my wife that the doctor said I couldn't…
- Today, I was excited to finally leave for Minnesota to visit the college of my dreams. I drove two… Today, is my first day of recovery in a full right arm cast. Broke it on the last possible free day… Today, I found out that a very close friend of mine masturbates to photos of me on my Instagram and…