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meghanbitch's favorite FMLs
Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend and his friends. When I stood up, he told his friend "See, she's not a twig!" I jokingly replied with, "So I'm fat?" After a few seconds of silence, his friend yelled, "It's a trap!" and left the chat. FML
by ImNotFat / 08/07/2013 at 2:04am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, my daughter, who was born in late 2000, mentioned how amazing it is that she'll be alive during the year 3000. I asked her exactly how old she thinks she'll be by then. She said, "Thirty, duh." I've screwed up as a parent, so very badly. FML
by Anonymous / 08/06/2013 at 11:19am / United States (Arkansas) / Kids
Today, I stepped out of the house for some fresh air. It was still dark out, so imagine my horror when I accidentally stepped on a frog. It squealed for a split second before being crushed beneath my uncovered foot. FML
by traumatizedforlife / 08/05/2013 at 4:21pm / United States / Animals
Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked up a few cucumbers, when an elderly lady came up to me and murmured, "Make sure you use lots of lube, or that'll hurt. Been there, sweetheart." What the HELL? FML
by um... what the fuck, miss? / 08/02/2013 at 4:23pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by YouSoSmelly / 08/02/2013 at 9:58am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by -_____- / 07/31/2013 at 5:23pm / Netherlands / Intimacy
Today, I found out that my girlfriend hasn't really been "researching" for work on the Internet; she's actually been tweeting the same pathetic plea to a guy from One Direction asking him to "follow" her. She's 29. FML
by LeaveTheGuyAlone / 07/28/2013 at 8:18pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend wanted to try something new in the bedroom, so she got an assortment of different sized cock rings. She laughed when the one we were trying to use kept falling off, and said to try a smaller one. It was the smallest in the set. FML
by microlovin / 07/28/2013 at 3:45am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by GiantsFan13 / 07/23/2013 at 10:49am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, the great deal on my new apartment has turned into a nightmare. I keep hearing extremely weird sounds almost every night, and when I tried taking pics of the place today, my camera's face recognition feature kept activating, but only in my bedroom. I'm scared shitless. FML
by notenoughunderwearintheworld / 07/21/2013 at 4:54pm / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 12:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
by needsnewshorts / 07/15/2013 at 9:42pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by lilly1105 / 07/15/2013 at 9:19am / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy
by lonely girl / 07/02/2013 at 2:47am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/29/2013 at 11:09am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
- Today, I started undressing in front of my boyfriend. He politely said, "Excuse me, please" because… Today, while having sex with my husband, he went soft. When I asked him what happened he said, "I'm… Today, I realized just how bad I am in bed when my girlfriend literally yawned the words, "Oh God"…