About mastodon33metal : Talk to me, I like meeting new people.
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mastodon33metal's favorite FMLs
Today, I was discussing possible career choices with my relatives. Pretty much everyone expressed the belief that I'm screwed for life, with my grandma commenting later: "She ain't even got the tits for porn. God help her." FML
by flea-bitten / 04/06/2013 at 3:41pm / United States / Work
Today, after supporting my girlfriend for over a year in her endeavour to lose weight, exercise more, and eat better, my now-slender girlfriend dumped me. Because now she find someone better than me. FML
by Anonymous / 02/23/2013 at 3:07am / Australia (Victoria) / Love
Today, during my first day as a medical intern in a new ward, I was performing a rectal exam. My supervisor thought it would be funny to burst into the room and scream, "Who are you?! You don't even work here, you pervert!" FML
Today, I had been trying to text my girlfriend all day, but no reply. After a while, I became worried so I called. She picked up and said, "Can't talk, busy." Not even a minute later, my best friend says to me, "Dude, tell your girlfriend to leave me alone. She's been texting me all day." FML
by SugarMyBalls / 12/19/2012 at 6:31pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
by sucks at sucking / 12/14/2012 at 7:27pm / United Kingdom (Bournemouth) / Intimacy
Today, my mother told my therapist that I've been reverting to childlike behavior and she was worried about my maturity. She was worried because I screamed hysterically after dropping a pot of boiling noodles on my lap. FML
by Anonymous / 12/13/2012 at 3:31am / United States / Health
by maxedoutidiot / 12/12/2012 at 9:14pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by AllegroRubato / 12/04/2012 at 3:09pm / Chile (Region Metropolitana) / Intimacy
Today, I was slapped across the face by a girl in the waiting room at the dentist's office. She thought I was taking a picture of her breasts with my phone. I was smiling while reading other people's FMLs. FML
by karmamaybe / 12/03/2012 at 3:35pm / United States (South Dakota) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/03/2012 at 6:53am / Canada / Love
by WTFFAIL / 12/03/2012 at 12:06am / Canada (Quebec) / Health
by :/ / 12/02/2012 at 8:57pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/10/2012 at 5:48pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Intimacy
Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML
by assholecat / 10/10/2012 at 4:43am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML
by cumhole / 10/09/2012 at 10:32pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
- Today, I walked in on my 15 year old daughter and her boyfriend. They were standing in my bathroom,… Today, being the prank couple that we are, I decided to mess with my husband. When he got off work,… Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was…