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mastodon33metal

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mastodon33metal

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 30 October 1990 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 656
  • Number of comments : 12
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About mastodon33metal : Talk to me, I like meeting new people.

mastodon33metal's page activity

Visits<b>CloudEnvy</b> - the 01/12/2013 at 1:12pm

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mastodon33metal's favorite FMLs

Today, I was discussing possible career choices with my relatives. Pretty much everyone expressed the belief that I'm screwed for life, with my grandma commenting later: "She ain't even got the tits for porn. God help her." FML

#20577745
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42647) - you deserved it (3951)

On 04/06/2013 at 3:41pm - work - by flea-bitten (woman) - United States

Today, after supporting my girlfriend for over a year in her endeavour to lose weight, exercise more, and eat better, my now-slender girlfriend dumped me. Because now she find someone better than me. FML

#20518428
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45320) - you deserved it (3830)

On 02/23/2013 at 3:07am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, during my first day as a medical intern in a new ward, I was performing a rectal exam. My supervisor thought it would be funny to burst into the room and scream, "Who are you?! You don't even work here, you pervert!" FML

#20486562
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47580) - you deserved it (3561) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/30/2013 at 4:57pm - love - by dr mamour - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had been trying to text my girlfriend all day, but no reply. After a while, I became worried so I called. She picked up and said, "Can't talk, busy." Not even a minute later, my best friend says to me, "Dude, tell your girlfriend to leave me alone. She's been texting me all day." FML

#20407951
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41202) - you deserved it (2693)

On 12/19/2012 at 6:31pm - misc - by SugarMyBalls (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML

#20399775
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33903) - you deserved it (8314)

On 12/14/2012 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by sucks at sucking (woman) - United Kingdom (Bournemouth)

Today, my mother told my therapist that I've been reverting to childlike behavior and she was worried about my maturity. She was worried because I screamed hysterically after dropping a pot of boiling noodles on my lap. FML

#20397574
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23857) - you deserved it (1515)

On 12/13/2012 at 3:31am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my drunk girlfriend maxed out my credit card, on an "authentic" Jesus Christ autograph on eBay. FML

#20397287
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27640) - you deserved it (4695)

On 12/12/2012 at 9:14pm - misc - by maxedoutidiot - United States

Today, after having sex, my girlfriend left my apartment after furiously ranting at me, because I made her come "too many times" and that it's "unfair" to her. What? FML

Today, I was slapped across the face by a girl in the waiting room at the dentist's office. She thought I was taking a picture of her breasts with my phone. I was smiling while reading other people's FMLs. FML

#20189568
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38576) - you deserved it (3144)

On 12/03/2012 at 3:35pm - misc - by karmamaybe - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm breaking up with her because she's very abusive. After a couple of seconds of awkward silence, she kicked me in the nuts and ran away. FML

#20189170
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27183) - you deserved it (3680)

On 12/03/2012 at 6:53am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML

#20188881
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20291) - you deserved it (7837)

On 12/03/2012 at 12:06am - health - by WTFFAIL (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my dad to pay me as he promised, after I cut the lawn and cleaned all the house windows last week. His response was, "Get fucked." FML

#20188543
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20745) - you deserved it (2692)

On 12/02/2012 at 8:57pm - misc - by :/ (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML

#20110803
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33727) - you deserved it (5503)

On 10/10/2012 at 5:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML

#20110144
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27377) - you deserved it (4720)

On 10/10/2012 at 4:43am - animals - by assholecat (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML

#20109762
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16056) - you deserved it (60769)

On 10/09/2012 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by cumhole (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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