Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

malters

Search for a member

malters

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 18 January 1995 (19 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2296
  • Number of comments : 55
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About malters : Glad to know that I'm not the only stalker in the world. No I'm not a grammar Nazi but if you cant speak english I may kill you :)

You've probably clicked me because:
I was a complete dick to you
i was a complete dick to someone else and you thought it was funny
or you like my picture

now scram!

malters's page activity

Visits<b>Zrtuy1</b> - the 06/24/2014 at 8:19pm<b>FYLTHOUGH</b> - the 04/02/2014 at 7:33pm<b>Oneoftheones</b> - the 03/17/2014 at 11:49pm<b>swick25</b> - the 02/17/2014 at 4:49pm<b>jacknapes2000</b> - the 01/30/2014 at 11:59pm<b>hogman500</b> - the 01/22/2014 at 10:13pm<b>seninaa</b> - the 12/02/2013 at 5:37pm<b>TunaFireStarter</b> - the 11/30/2013 at 3:31pm<b>baconsdelight701</b> - the 10/17/2013 at 11:41pm<b>Amelia_Jones237</b> - the 09/28/2013 at 4:16am<b>chadwj</b> - the 09/15/2013 at 12:01am<b>violetsweety</b> - the 08/23/2013 at 6:34pm<b>NYGAllDay</b> - the 07/23/2013 at 6:03am<b>Gunnie</b> - the 07/19/2013 at 3:31am<b>awesomeforever</b> - the 07/04/2013 at 8:51am<b>M4ttm0</b> - the 06/16/2013 at 1:54pm<b>danielrw</b> - the 06/08/2013 at 8:49pm<b>gummybear1996</b> - the 03/25/2013 at 9:59pm

malters's FML badges

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

See all of malters's badges

malters's favorite FMLs

Today, while bending over to get the brownies I was making out of the oven, my husband slapped my butt. I fell into the oven. FML

#15619603
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72323) - you deserved it (5872)

On 04/03/2011 at 11:14am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend pulled on my pubes and made 'engine starting' noises. This was his attempt at foreplay. FML

#15617936
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36123) - you deserved it (14020)

On 04/03/2011 at 7:27am - intimacy - by dahs - United Kingdom (Derbyshire)

Today, I discovered that my girlfriend can only orgasm when we have sex to gospel music. FML

#15613942
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49282) - you deserved it (5844)

On 04/03/2011 at 12:10am - intimacy - by cantgetup (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was in church. After we were done praying, I quickly sat back down, accidentally crushing my testicles in the process. I squealed loudly and all but pissed my pants, earning me plenty of weird looks from the congregation. FML

#15574334
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19555) - you deserved it (21864)

On 03/31/2011 at 11:54am - misc - by Nate (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my girlfriend and I were playfully arguing about who loved the other more. After about a minute of this, my girlfriend walked over and kicked me in the crotch as hard as she could. She then said, "There, now you don't love me as much. I win." FML

#15539670
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46003) - you deserved it (15394)

On 03/28/2011 at 11:33pm - love - by ouch - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was sitting beside a very cute girl on a 3 hour bus trip with my class. She fell asleep, head on my lap. She woke up because my erection was jabbing her in the cheek. FML

#15532710
483 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54356) - you deserved it (27336)

On 03/28/2011 at 4:13pm - intimacy - by dickface - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was sitting beside a very cute girl on a 3 hour bus trip with my class. She fell asleep, head on my lap. She woke up because my erection was jabbing her in the cheek. FML

#15532710
483 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54356) - you deserved it (27336)

On 03/28/2011 at 4:13pm - intimacy - by dickface - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was waiting for the bus while wearing my FML shirt. A passer-by stopped, stared at me for a moment, and said, "I agree, your life sucks." FML

#15528931
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27345) - you deserved it (53610) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/28/2011 at 9:51am - misc - by Danou - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was waiting for the bus while wearing my FML shirt. A passer-by stopped, stared at me for a moment, and said, "I agree, your life sucks." FML

#15528931
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27345) - you deserved it (53610) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/28/2011 at 9:51am - misc - by Danou - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was cooking, and I took a pot of boiling water to the sink to drain. My pot holder slipped, and the boiling water spilled all over my breasts. Second degree boob burns are bad, but losing half a nipple to potato salad is worse. FML

#15526223
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39883) - you deserved it (4088)

On 03/28/2011 at 2:42am - health - by ouchmytits - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I was sitting in Walmart and I saw an attractive woman walking by. Being the single guy I am, I went up to her and asked if she needed help with carrying her groceries. She responded with "You know I'm a guy right?" FML

#15493619
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30455) - you deserved it (15614)

On 03/26/2011 at 2:24am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my sister presented me with an "official pet killer" award after yet another goldfish under my care died of unknown causes. FML

#15485596
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22609) - you deserved it (9144)

On 03/25/2011 at 5:52pm - animals - by fish killer - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got 2 creams for a skin condition. The one for my face says "Don't expose skin to sun after use of this product". The one for the rest of my body says "This product relies on exposure to the sun". In other words, I have to be outside as much as I can, naked and with a box on my head. FML

#15480042
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33266) - you deserved it (6074)

On 03/25/2011 at 8:22am - health - by FromNL (man) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, I got a call from my 8 year old son's teacher. Apparently, my kid has been charging girls a quarter to touch his "special area." FML

#15472026
404 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48574) - you deserved it (8004)

On 03/24/2011 at 8:43pm - misc - by omg - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my cab driver told me about the time he tried to commit suicide by driving off a bridge... while we were crossing a river. FML

#15470057
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39095) - you deserved it (3215)

On 03/24/2011 at 6:51pm - misc - by phantomdriver - Canada (Alberta)



FML's blog

  • Élodie's Illustrated FML
  • Aaaaah, the beach, the sunshine, cool water against our skin...  Nah, just kidding, I can't afford a trip to the beach. This blog is being written from a grotty apartment in the less salubrious parts of…

Friday 18 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: