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Back from a party
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mackenzie2323's favorite FMLs
Today, I had to put my 17 year old cat down. I cried the whole way up to the vet's office and back. After finally coming to terms with the situation, and trying to forget, my dad's friend walks up to me and says, "So, I heard you killed your cat?" FML
by petlover / 11/22/2009 at 11:30pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I went to the Grand Canyon with my family. Also today, I found out that I have a crippling fear of heights. My family left me on a ledge hyperventilating and having a mental breakdown, while they hiked for another 2 hours. They won't stop telling me how pretty it was and what I missed. FML
by a-scared / 08/06/2009 at 6:18pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Holidays
Today, I was sitting at the park with a friend when a small child approached us. Just as moved off the bridge to let the kid play, he asked if I would like to play the troll under the bridge. I laughed and said no thanks, to which the kid responded 'but there is nobody else ugly enough.' FML
by failure / 06/27/2009 at 9:00pm / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Kids
Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend. Suddenly he starts speaking gibberish. I ask what's wrong? He says, "I was just talking to my unicorn. He says you're pretty," and winks at me. What have we learned today? The person I like is a freak, and apparently unicorns are real. FML
by unicorn / 06/12/2009 at 12:49pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by not4geeks / 05/15/2009 at 5:17pm / United States (New York) / Geek
Today, I turned 18. My parents gave me a card that read "now that you're 18, it's time for some boozy fun... you can do all the things you did before but legally!" Taped to the inside was my fake id that I "lost" three months ago. FML
by owned / 04/28/2009 at 10:12am / Singapore / Miscellaneous
by wasntme / 03/30/2009 at 6:14am / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was going down on my girlfriend when I noticed a hickey near her hip. I said, "wow, last night was crazy, I don't even remember doing that!". Without even interrupting the action, she simply said, "You didn't". FML
by tehhotness / 03/27/2009 at 10:13am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, I saw my boyfriend for the last time for two years. When we got back from dinner, we sat in his truck for a little while to talk. A few minutes later, my mom comes flying out of my house screaming, "Satan is here, and he is tempting you!" That is the last memory he will have of me. FML
by Fwick / 03/19/2009 at 12:42am / United States (Utah) / Love
Today, my mother was re-enrolling me in school so she was required to fill out some paper work. Later, she asks me, "What does Caucasian mean?". I ask, "Why?". Apparently she didn't recognize the word so she checked "other" and wrote in "white". FML
by buryuntime / 03/03/2009 at 12:37am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by beerpong26 / 02/06/2009 at 2:54pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, after having waited three long months, my shy girlfriend finally gave me a blowjob. Everything was going really well until I said, "Wow, you're really talented. Anyone would think you've been practicing your whole life." FML
by noname / 12/04/2008 at 12:55am / Intimacy