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An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
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mackenzie2323's favorite FMLs
by sbutler / 07/14/2011 at 4:14pm / United States (Florida) / Work
by kaplwv116 / 06/26/2011 at 9:08pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
Today, I invited over my best friend, whom I've loved for over a year, since she had to tell me "something important". I got excited and thought she was going to tell me she loved me too. She ended up coming out to me, and wanted to know if I would meet her girlfriend. FML
by :( / 06/14/2011 at 2:06pm / United States (Texas) / Love
by Scarlett / 04/26/2011 at 1:28pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend and I were playfully arguing about who loved the other more. After about a minute of this, my girlfriend walked over and kicked me in the crotch as hard as she could. She then said, "There, now you don't love me as much. I win." FML
by ouch / 03/28/2011 at 11:33pm / United States (Arizona) / Love
by uglywoman / 12/14/2010 at 3:21am / Australia (Queensland) / Kids
by Anonymous / 11/22/2010 at 2:52pm / United States / Love
Today, I asked my boyfriend what he would do if I were to get pregnant. Expecting him to give me a cute and supportive answer, he replied, "We'd be finding you a nice flight of stairs to accidentally fall down." FML
by vikinggirl / 09/13/2010 at 5:14am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love
Today, I admitted to my mother that I've had sex with my boyfriend. She seemed to handle it well, but when my boyfriend came over, she condemned him to hell in between asking him what he would like to have for dinner. FML
by Anonymous / 09/12/2010 at 12:56pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by uselessdad / 09/07/2010 at 7:48pm / Singapore / Kids
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when her cat attacked me. I was pissed, so I grabbed the cat and rushed outside to get rid of it. Little did I know, her parents were home, sitting outside. So I was naked, with a feral cat in front of my junk trying to kill me. All I could say was "Nice Weather?" FML
by Anonymous / 05/25/2010 at 7:33pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Intimacy
Today, after about a month with no sex, my girlfriend told me to come up to her room and began kissing me passionately. She got me down to my underwear before informing me that she had Spanish homework left. To make things better, upon finishing up, she went straight to sleep. FML
by BluBaller / 04/06/2010 at 3:10am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
Today, while making out with my boyfriend, he started playing with my nipples. Suddenly he stops kissing me, looks at my nipples and says, "Have they always been like this? They look like joysticks!". He then started singing the Super Mario Brother's theme song and playing the game with my nipples. FML
by Anonymous / 03/14/2010 at 10:09pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was telling my cousin about my boyfriend, who plays guitar and sings very well, has dark hair, and wears girl pants. After telling her these things, she's quiet for a moment before she looks at me and says, "So... You're dating a Jonas brother?" FML
by kikinemo / 01/16/2010 at 4:05pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML
by IB6UB9 / 11/28/2009 at 12:32pm / United States / Love
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…