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Today, at work, my stomach hurt and I passed gas for relief. Moments later, I discovered that my loose, silent "fart" was actually a wet, sneaky shart. The mess was beyond repair; I had to fake a family emergency and crept out of the office so that my coworkers wouldn't see my obvious crap stain. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20377) - you totally deserved it (5056)
On 10/12/2009 at 2:10pm - health - by Few_Absolutes (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was in a video chat with an old friend who I haven't talked to in years, and my mom walks in. The first thing she says is, "Did you close the toilet after you pooped? Cause today on the news I heard that your poop particles can fly up to 25 feet, landing on your toothbrush." FML
I agree, your life sucks (19549) - you totally deserved it (1416)
On 10/01/2009 at 9:09pm - health - by Poop (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I found out that if you don't clean the inside of your sonicare toothbrush, it can grow masses of fungus. I've been brushing my teeth with a vibrating mushroom for the past 5 months. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18091) - you totally deserved it (12095)
On 10/01/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by mushroommouth (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I finally found out that someone had stolen my debit card and maxed it out. The good news? Whoever it was forgot to change the address on the card, so everything they bought online has been shipped to me. The bad news? I've received 16 snuggies so far, and I'm still counting. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29592) - you totally deserved it (1686)
On 09/28/2009 at 4:36pm - money - by SnuggieOverload (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, the weird receptionist at the hotel I'm staying at asked me if I needed an extra blanket because I "looked cold in my sleep last night". FML
I agree, your life sucks (40941) - you totally deserved it (1071)
On 09/24/2009 at 5:50am - misc - by scaredtosleep (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I found out the high school I have been doing at home for the past 3 years isn't accredited and doesn't count for anything. I'm 18 and starting high school as a freshman next year. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38557) - you totally deserved it (11433)
On 09/14/2009 at 2:58pm - misc - by diplomaless (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me. Why? Our one month old's hair is growing in blonde, and we both have dark hair. Did I cheat? No. I had blonde hair as a child until I was 4... As did every one else born in my family. I guess this factor doesn't count when you're paranoid. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35695) - you totally deserved it (2798)
On 09/14/2009 at 10:13am - love - by babymomma (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I woke up to find my cat, dead, hanging from the ceiling fan. On the wall, it said, "You touch my wife's pussy , I touch yours." My friend who lives across the street was talking about having great fun last night with an older woman. Wrong house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42537) - you totally deserved it (1277)
On 09/13/2009 at 2:37pm - intimacy - by Person1233 (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my parents told me they wouldn't be able to afford my senior portraits. That was fine with me, until I found some expensive professional photos in the mail. Of our dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31900) - you totally deserved it (956)
On 09/13/2009 at 12:44pm - misc - by sarahpft (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, my whole family was sitting in the kitchen. My sister was stoned and passed out in our dog's bed. My dad was drunk, yelling "who's your daddy" at his plate of barbecue, and my mom just sat there with that, "what the hell happened to my life" look on her face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37611) - you totally deserved it (1658)
On 09/13/2009 at 5:27am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I found one of those online color blindness tests where you have to distinguish a colored number from the pattern. Not being able to, I spent hundreds of dollars on medical tests to discover that the pattern online was a joke. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7756) - you totally deserved it (41728)
On 07/05/2009 at 5:49pm - misc - by colorblind (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my friend and I were in her moms car talking about which job was harder: actor or artist. I said, "Art is easy. You just scribble on a piece of paper and call it abstract art." Her mom squinted at me in the rearview mirror and my friend stopped talking. Then she said, "My mom is an artist." FML
I agree, your life sucks (7491) - you totally deserved it (28924)
On 06/28/2009 at 6:08pm - misc - by URGH (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I went to go get a new ID because my wallet was stolen, which had my social security card in it as well. I found out that to get your ID you have to have your social security card, and to get your social security card, you need your ID. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39195) - you totally deserved it (5194)
On 06/28/2009 at 5:05pm - misc - by angry (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I went out to a nice restaurant for my friend's birthday. I went to the bathroom and heard the woman in the other stall crying. She couldn't pull her underwear up over her obese, old-lady ass because her arms don't reach that far anymore. I was the only one there. I had no choice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55355) - you totally deserved it (6102)
On 05/12/2009 at 3:19am - health - by bathroomseww (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was taking a bath and needed shampoo. I leaned on the soap holder to get some and it came off the wall. Huge ants started pouring out running up the walls, down the walls, EVERYWHERE. I ran out of the bathroom screaming, completely naked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55577) - you totally deserved it (3268)
On 05/12/2009 at 12:19am - misc - by Karmas3itch - United States (Ohio)
