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Today, I got pulled over. When the cop asked where I was coming from, reflexively I said, "Your mom's house." FML
I agree, your life sucks (2668) - you deserved it (12675)
On 02/13/2012 at 10:30am - misc - by SpLo0gIeR - United States
Today, I was having lunch at McDonald's when I dropped a French fry down my shirt. It stuck out the top of my bra. Before I had the chance to remove it, a creepy man picked it out and ate it saying that it was the best French fry he had ever eaten. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12593) - you deserved it (1279)
Today, the pervert in my computer class asked me if I "mowed my lawn." Not knowing this was a vaguely sexual term, I replied, "No, my dad does." FML
I agree, your life sucks (11315) - you deserved it (2180)
On 02/03/2012 at 9:47am - intimacy - by xX_nsn_Xx (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I got my period at school. I didn't notice until a boy asked me if I'd killed someone in my pants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33154) - you deserved it (2574)
On 01/14/2012 at 2:47am - health - by shitttyyyday - United States
Today, I wore my brand new Wonderbra to school. When I got home, my dad looked at me and started laughing hysterically. Between breaths, he asked if anyone actually thought my chest was that big and said "You know why it's called a Wonderbra? Guys take it off and wonder where your tits went." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10453) - you deserved it (6895)
On 10/10/2011 at 6:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, on my way home, my girlfriend started sexting me, telling me that she was waiting at my house. In my rush to get home to see her, I got pulled over and had to be patted down. He found no weapons, but he did find my stiffy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26050) - you deserved it (7623)
On 10/04/2011 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by Username - United States
Today, my daughter turned Emo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15679) - you deserved it (4911)
On 09/01/2011 at 11:44pm - kids - by nyaahaha - United States
Today, life gave me lemons, delivering them straight to my nuts via my neighbor's tennis ball shooter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7745) - you deserved it (708)
On 08/25/2011 at 12:24am - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I work by myself at a retail store and I was bored so I called my boyfriend. I woke him up and he was feeling frisky, and as things were getting heated I started to moan and say dirty things. Until the entire rack of clothes fell over and revealed my boss hiding. He had a boner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13760) - you deserved it (34807)
On 08/23/2011 at 12:18pm - intimacy - by MissCan'tKeepAJob - United States (Texas)
Today, was the first day of my sophomore year. While receiving my schedule, I burst into tears at the sight of a disfigured midget. I'm now seen as the school bitch for making fun of a midget. I have a genuine fear of midgets. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13773) - you deserved it (27882)
On 08/11/2011 at 5:35am - misc - by maryrain - United States (Louisiana)
Today, since I'm too ashamed to go buy a proper sex toy, I used an old Star Wars toy sword instead. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8985) - you deserved it (35243)
On 08/11/2011 at 1:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)
Today, I saw my brother's pregnant girlfriend smoking. Disgusted, I asked him why he didn't just stab her in the uterus and get it over with. He laughed like it was a joke, then cussed because he spilled his cereal. He's more concerned about spilled cereal than having a brain-damaged child. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24450) - you deserved it (6501)
On 08/10/2011 at 12:46am - health - by auntoftheyear - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I was asked how far I've gone with a guy. My answer? Eye contact. I'm 19. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26897) - you deserved it (5312)
On 08/09/2011 at 5:21pm - intimacy - by Username - United States
Today, I found out that my German wasn't as great as I thought it was. Trying to give directions to some German tourists, I tried to say, "I hope I don't get you lost." Turns out I actually said something closer to, "I hope I don't seduce you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (16253) - you deserved it (3835)
On 08/06/2011 at 3:10pm - misc - by lostforwords (woman) - Ireland (Tipperary)
Today, my boyfriend admitted that on his last visit, he snuck into the laundry and stole a lacy black thong he assumed was mine. It wasn't. It was my dad's. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25841) - you deserved it (2254)
On 08/05/2011 at 6:57pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottingham)
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