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loony69

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loony69

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loony69's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend and I were in our room getting hot and heavy. As he was entering me, he started making electronic whirring sounds. Once inside, he said in a robotic voice, "Initiating launch sequence in 3... 2... 1..." and began thrusting as fast as possible. FML

#14333152
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41741) - you deserved it (8751)

On 12/25/2010 at 8:38am - intimacy - by Jessie - United States (Texas)

Today, I was taking a leak in the mall bathroom. A kid no older than thirteen strolled in and paused next to me at the urinals. He took one look and laughed, "I feel sorry for your wife, man." All I could do was stand there as he casually disappeared into one of the stalls. FML

#14330687
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34514) - you deserved it (3928)

On 12/25/2010 at 2:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, my husband said that when we have sex he almost gets as excited as he does when he gets a chopper gunner on Black Ops. FML

#14284666
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33517) - you deserved it (7253)

On 12/21/2010 at 12:01pm - intimacy - by Hannah - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was depressed because my boobs are really small for a 20 year old woman. To make me feel better my boyfriend said, "As long as they're bigger than mine." They weren't. FML

#14111441
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33078) - you deserved it (4191)

On 12/06/2010 at 8:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend confessed his desire to have sex while I'm on my period. He calls it "bloody victory." FML

#14087170
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35942) - you deserved it (5328)

On 12/04/2010 at 7:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, two guys broke into my apartment to rob me at gunpoint. While I was wanking. FML

#14043132
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58052) - you deserved it (10575)

On 12/01/2010 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He also decided the best way to end our relationship was to kill me and our virtual child on The Sims 3 by setting us on fire. FML

#12617958
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36470) - you deserved it (6274)

On 08/19/2010 at 1:26am - love - by Single - United States (California)

Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML

#12563425
280 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49761) - you deserved it (6077)

On 08/16/2010 at 4:20pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my best friend thought it would look cool if I recorded her swinging while lying under the swing. She ended up kicking me in the face and laughing so hard she pissed on me. FML

#12522582
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34189) - you deserved it (18557)

On 08/14/2010 at 4:43pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I ordered pizza and watched a movie. After dinner we started to make out. I began to take my clothes off when he stopped me. He said that sex is exercise and you can't exercise for 30 minutes after eating. FML

#12463694
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34959) - you deserved it (7709)

On 08/11/2010 at 9:54pm - intimacy - by oumalina (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to apply medicine to my friend's spider bites, located on her ass crack. FML

Today, I was rubbing my lips against my boyfriend's lips when I said "Your mustache tickles" in a sexy tone. His response was "So does yours." FML

#12161985
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22728) - you deserved it (29010)

On 07/28/2010 at 7:20am - intimacy - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. After removing my underwear, he started singing "In the jungle, the mighty jungle..." FML

#12030730
312 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25016) - you deserved it (49103)

On 07/21/2010 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Wawawiwa (woman) - Namibia (Windhoek)

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML

#11076203
355 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48542) - you deserved it (17271)

On 06/09/2010 at 7:34am - intimacy - by thetalkingvagina (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)



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