lobsterdog

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Offline (the 08/05/2016 at 10:59am)

lobsterdog

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 22 March 1996 (20 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 487
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About lobsterdog : Bonjour

lobsterdog's page activity

Visits<b>Rob2342</b> - the 05/31/2013 at 2:20am<b>brendonuriepatd</b> - the 09/21/2011 at 4:32pm<b></b> - the 01/11/2011 at 6:25am<b>drea103</b> - the 08/17/2010 at 1:30pm<b>kalseru</b> - the 02/23/2010 at 3:12pm

lobsterdog's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

See all of lobsterdog's badges

lobsterdog's favorite FMLs

Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML

by Anonymous / 01/30/2015 at 3:16pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I had a one night stand. After holding in my farts all night as is done, I decided enough was enough and to calmly let one slip out. One did not calmly slip out instead I shit myself in her bed. I was naked at the time so was unable to hide it. FML

by Anonymous / 01/29/2015 at 4:17pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy

Today, I was at a bar, when a heavily drunk guy came up to me and slurred "Fuucckkk lady, your face... not even with beer goggles!" FML

by Anonymous / 05/27/2014 at 3:26pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out the reason our toilet paper has been disappearing so fast recently isn't because my son is wanking like a gibbon as I first thought. He's just been using our shredder to make streamers out of the stuff, then hiding it all in a box in his closet. Fucking hell, son. FML

by Anonymous / 05/02/2014 at 10:04am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids

Today, my 7-year-old son proudly announced that he had laid an egg during the night. I checked. He'd simply shat the bed. FML

by Anonymous / 08/13/2013 at 4:49am / Kids

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "uh-huh," "not too bad," and "yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML

by awkward / 07/26/2013 at 2:00pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was getting freaky with my boyfriend and told him to spank me. In a seductive voice, he told me not to tell him what to do. Continuing, I asked him how he was going to punish me, to which he then replied, "I'm going to punch you straight in the face." FML

by suckstosuck / 07/23/2013 at 12:04am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I walked into the living room, only to find my brother wanking off to an episode of My Little Pony. FML

by bestiality, not even once / 06/14/2013 at 6:29pm / Ireland (Waterford) / Intimacy

Today, I walked outside to this guy attempting to steal my bike. When I asked him what he was doing he calmly replied, "I'm a bike inspector. You hooked your chain all wrong! This time is a warning; next time it'll be a ticket!" He then threw his full, opened Pepsi can at me. FML

by Chelsea / 02/27/2013 at 5:39pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, drunk at a party, I leaned through a window to throw up. I was outside. FML

by kise / 11/28/2012 at 1:20am / Health

Today, I was walking home when I saw an elderly woman struggling with a large bag of garbage. I asked if I could help. I got it all the way to the dumpster and the bag ripped. Inside were about fourteen dead cats. FML

by AdamwithanA / 10/10/2012 at 11:36pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend called out the word "scalpel" when he orgasmed. He won't tell me why. FML

by not the scalpel / 09/15/2012 at 3:36am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was at the laundromat when a huge, tattoo-covered man wearing nothing but denim booty shorts and a wife-beater sat down beside me. He stared at me for a while, before telling me all about how I reminded him of his "first prison bitch." FML

by Anonymous / 05/18/2012 at 10:35pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he would still love me if I became a vegetable. His response: "Well, the sex wouldn't be any different." FML

by Anonymous / 05/08/2012 at 7:35am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML

by Anonymous / 01/02/2012 at 12:30pm / United States / Intimacy