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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I am lying next to my new husband. We went to Hawaii for our honeymoon and planned on spending the entire time in bed together. We succeeded in that goal, with both of us unable to leave each other's side for entire week. Sex? No. Food poisoning? Yes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29772) - you deserved it (1871)
On 11/28/2009 at 5:03pm - health - by IndieRox (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49768) - you deserved it (4754)
On 11/28/2009 at 12:32pm - love - by IB6UB9 - United States
Today, while on a vacation, I tried to step out of myself and flirt with this boy who I thought was cute. He was going along with it and nodding so I thought it was working. Then he opened his mouth and I realized he didn't speak English. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16895) - you deserved it (4469)
On 11/25/2009 at 1:06am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I realized that our generation will be remembered as the kids who liked sparkly vampires. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57274) - you deserved it (8514)
On 11/24/2009 at 7:08pm - misc - by buhknee - United States (North Carolina)
Today, a cat came up to me on the pavement so I petted it a little. An elderly man rode past on his bicycle and shouted "I'd like to stroke your pussy too!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (17654) - you deserved it (2379)
On 11/19/2009 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by pussystroker (woman) - United Kingdom (Peterborough)
Today, at work, I screamed, used one of my employees as a human shield, dove for cover, and cried. Why? A bat flew into my store. Bats scare me shitless. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16194) - you deserved it (6788)
On 11/17/2009 at 3:55pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I found out that my best friend and the guy I had a crush on for 2 years are getting married. The worst part is that they've been dating for 2 years in secret, and just came out about it now. I've been telling her for 2 years how much I like him, and she's encouraged me the whole time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36635) - you deserved it (2377)
On 11/03/2009 at 8:12pm - love - by Uknowwh (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, while shopping for some bananas at my local grocery store, an old woman came up to me and started rubbing my stomach. She simply asked when I was due. I am a 43 year old man with a beer belly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26055) - you deserved it (9895)
On 10/24/2009 at 6:24pm - misc - by fmlifetime (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was informed by my next door neighbor that they heard me singing in the shower last night. I laughed and she told me that the family gathers in their upstairs room closest to my bathroom window to guess which song I'm singing. Every night. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21815) - you deserved it (4179)
On 10/24/2009 at 6:27am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)
Today, I went to buy my prom dress. I felt really good as I walked out of the dressing room, until someone walked out of the room next to me wearing the same dress, and looked better in it than I did. It was a man buying it for his drag show. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21469) - you deserved it (2536)
On 10/13/2009 at 1:26pm - misc - by draggirl (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, on facebook, I realized I had over 500 friends. I told my one friend and she changed her status to "How can Dan have over 500 facebook friends? Nobody even likes him" there were 42 likes, and twenty comments that said "agreed." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28375) - you deserved it (8529)
On 10/01/2009 at 6:33am - misc - by notliked (man) - United States (Georgia) - moderated by Kevin Nealon
Today, I went to my former high school's homecoming game. A classmate who I always had a crush on looks up and goes "Brian!", holding her arms out for a hug. I hug her and she seems a bit suprised but hugs back anyway. I get up and see another Brian from our class behind me. Shame. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29268) - you deserved it (2632)
On 10/01/2009 at 3:07am - misc - by Jusawkward - United States (Missouri)
Today, I surprised my girlfriend with U2 tickets. Still no action. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8849) - you deserved it (17472)
On 09/24/2009 at 12:30am - intimacy - by loveless (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was studying for a test at a coffee shop. A guy walked up, slapped the coffee out of my hand, and punched me in the face for hooking up with his girlfriend on the weekend. Not only was I out of town this weekend, but my $250 textbook is ruined, and I failed the test. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35600) - you deserved it (2187)
On 09/22/2009 at 1:45pm - misc - by in.need.of.job (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)
Today, I visited home. My drunk mother was screaming to my drunk stepdad about a fight four years ago. My little sister was looking in the mirror practicing her "Orgasm face." And the neighbors were dancing outside coked out and naked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56725) - you deserved it (2968)
On 09/19/2009 at 12:55am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
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