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lil_ham1644

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lil_ham1644
  • Town/Country : Fresno
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 17 March 1990 (24 years)
  • Number of visits : 1150
  • Number of comments : 78
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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lil_ham1644's favorite FMLs

Today, due to my short temper, I punched myself in the nose because I wouldn't stop sneezing. FML

#21116112
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15391) - you deserved it (38631)

On 04/18/2014 at 7:09am - health - by Ow (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my house was robbed. My two 70-pound German Shepherds obeyed me when I told them to attack. They also obeyed the robber when he said, "Sit". FML

#21113538
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43890) - you deserved it (3825)

On 04/15/2014 at 8:08am - animals - by stupiddog (man) - United States (California)

Today, 30 minutes after finishing a great date with a great girl, she texted me and said, "Yeah, uh, never come near me again." FML

#21112056
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36501) - you deserved it (4634)

On 04/13/2014 at 4:33pm - love - by lax22 - United States (California)

Today, I realized that my boyfriend is so obsessed with tickling me that my body has developed a conditioned response. Now I flinch every time he touches me, no matter what we're doing. FML

#21111720
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35175) - you deserved it (3295)

On 04/13/2014 at 5:33am - love - by Ticklish - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was feeling horny, so I told my boyfriend, who lives 30 minutes away, that "I really needed him". He replied, "Did you fall in the toilet again?" FML

#21107872
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39093) - you deserved it (8294)

On 04/08/2014 at 7:06pm - intimacy - by that girl (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my mom brought her sleazy boyfriend home. He took one look at me, swatted my ass, and said, "It runs in the family." My mom just laughed and winked at me, and mouthed, "He's a keeper!" FML

#21103666
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51072) - you deserved it (3233)

On 04/03/2014 at 1:22pm - love - by wiona (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my students all handed in their 1,000 word papers. The assignment was for them to write about a strong, benevolent leader who influenced the world. Around half of the papers were about Hitler. FML

#21102694
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38057) - you deserved it (8650)

On 04/02/2014 at 7:30am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my girlfriend and I were snuggling and we placed our hands together, palm to palm. I can bend the tips of my fingers over hers, which apparently surprised her because she commented, "Huh, so big hands AREN'T related to penis size." FML

#21101616
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44751) - you deserved it (5134)

On 04/01/2014 at 2:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my Game of Thrones addicted girlfriend decided to name my penis Tyrion Lannister. FML

#21101155
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34932) - you deserved it (5306)

On 03/31/2014 at 5:03pm - intimacy - by off to the whorehouse, then (man) - United Kingdom (Brighton and Hove)

Today, I was watching last week's episode of The Walking Dead with my girlfriend. When the gang leader explained the rules of the group to Daryl, I reached over, grabbed my girlfriend's boobs and yelled, "Claimed!" She shot back, "Yeah, they are. But not by you." FML

#21099560
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38269) - you deserved it (16080)

On 03/29/2014 at 5:57pm - love - by the other guy? (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my girlfriend texted me, telling me to come home quickly, because she had a "surprise" waiting for me. I convinced my boss to let me go home, and rushed out. Turns out the "surprise" was just that she'd bought herself a pet bunny. FML

#21099355
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35704) - you deserved it (6146)

On 03/29/2014 at 1:03pm - animals - by Galaxy (man) - Belgium (Limburg)

Today, I went on a trip to Cleveland. After getting lunch, my brother and I started walking back to my car. Halfway there, we were jumped, threatened with a knife, and yelled at to hand over our money. The only thing my brother could do was ask our mugger, "Uh, what gender are you?" FML

#21098906
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35429) - you deserved it (3103)

On 03/28/2014 at 10:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, no matter how many toys and teddies she has, and no matter how much I punish her, I am most likely never going to be able to break my 10-week-old puppy's habit of stealing my underwear. She doesn't eat them or even chew on them. She steals them to sleep with. FML

#21096727
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35210) - you deserved it (4499)

On 03/26/2014 at 4:45am - animals - by Punphmelch (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I was at Walmart and had to use the bathroom. I sat down and farted real loud. I didn't realize someone was in there with me until I heard a voice say, "Dude, that was a good one." It was a man's voice. I then realized I was in the men's restroom. FML

#21095689
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45239) - you deserved it (11007)

On 03/24/2014 at 11:39pm - misc - by dani (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, fed up with my nerdy appearance, I got my hair shaved off, hoping for a Walter White kind of look. I didn't think it was too bad, but not even an hour later, I'd already been called a "fat Bruce Willis" and compared to a freshly circumcised penis. FML

#21092620
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32673) - you deserved it (6511)

On 03/21/2014 at 12:10pm - misc - by richard (man) - United States (Washington)



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