About laaryssa : I really like netflix and I do tricks with hula hoops.
laaryssa's FML badges
You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
laaryssa's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 12/26/2014 at 12:39am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 8-year-old daughter was throwing a tantrum, and I said "Keep this up and I'll tell Santa to take your presents back." She told me I don't even know Santa, at which point I accidentally blurted that I'm "Santa". FML
by Santa / 12/24/2014 at 10:01pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, I went to my retail job to buy some clothing. As soon as I walked through the doors, my manager yelled at me for not being in appropriate work clothes. I tried to explain that I was off the clock but he was having none of it. I got written up. FML
by I hate my job / 12/23/2014 at 3:14am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work
by Bahhumbug / 12/22/2014 at 9:24am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work
Today, my girlfriend of two years asked me why I would never tie her shoes for her. I confessed to her my deep hatred of feet. Later, I woke up from a nap next to my girlfriend. With her feet in my mouth. FML
by ScottyB / 12/22/2014 at 3:05am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, I sent my girlfriend a long-overdue message telling her I feel like she doesn't really care about me any more, that it seems like she only ever calls me when she needs money, and that I'm even starting to suspect she may be cheating on me. 14 hours later, she replied: "TL;DR". FML
by KalaKa / 12/20/2014 at 3:45pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 12/19/2014 at 5:41am / United States (Tennessee) / Health
Today, I found out my girlfriend and all of our friends have begun referring to the time I was meant to lose my virginity, but couldn't get hard, as the "cheese stick incident." They all think it's hilarious, and the worst part is that it's actually a pretty appropriate description. FML
by Anonymous / 12/18/2014 at 5:45pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by Extravirgin / 12/16/2014 at 7:01am / Germany (Bayern) / Intimacy
Today, my 5-year-old daughter was asked by her teacher to write a letter to each member of her family to read during the holidays. Her letter to me said, "Dear mommy, come on. You could have done better than dad." FML
by Lisa / 12/15/2014 at 10:38pm / United States (Missouri) / Kids
Today, I snooped around my parents' room looking for hidden Christmas presents. The only hidden things I found was a whip, two ball gags, several other sex toys, and a load of newspaper clippings about the JFK assassination. What the fuck? FML
by .__. / 12/07/2014 at 3:10am / United Kingdom (Brent) / Miscellaneous
by hh / 12/05/2014 at 4:13pm / United States (South Dakota) / Love
by punaise ... / 12/04/2014 at 9:12pm / France (Franche-Comte) / Love
by Summer Loving Happened So Fast / 12/02/2014 at 12:59pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love
by braceforcarnage / 12/02/2014 at 10:42am / United States / Love
- Today, I learned that removing your boyfriends boxers with your teeth is waaaay less sexy when you… Today, I put on a porno, trying to unwind after a bad day. 10 minutes in, I was so pissed off with… Today, not only do I work as a garbage man, but I had to pick up a used, bloody tampon that someone…