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laaryssa

Offline (the 01/25/2015 at 9:19pm) | Search for a member

laaryssa

28Liked!

laaryssalaaryssa
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 3916
  • Number of comments : 69
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 12 posted

About laaryssa : I really like netflix and I do tricks with hula hoops. Oh and competitively lift weights.

laaryssa's page activity

Visits<b>davidxflow</b> - the 01/27/2015 at 2:12am<b>lild343</b> - the 01/23/2015 at 10:59am<b>Darkness_Hate</b> - the 01/17/2015 at 1:06pm<b>DestinysChampion</b> - the 01/16/2015 at 2:13pm<b>joechiro27</b> - the 01/15/2015 at 12:00am<b>tbro47</b> - the 01/13/2015 at 4:09am<b>kittycatkelss</b> - the 01/13/2015 at 2:09am<b>lex1459</b> - the 01/12/2015 at 5:00am<b>davered89</b> - the 01/10/2015 at 11:45am<b>hardesty</b> - the 01/08/2015 at 2:21pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 01/08/2015 at 8:09am<b>adrian1910</b> - the 01/06/2015 at 1:14am<b>sammy011</b> - the 01/04/2015 at 5:12am<b>soak_25</b> - the 01/01/2015 at 10:13pm<b>neverdrinkSODA</b> - the 01/01/2015 at 4:13pm<b>youngindian</b> - the 12/28/2014 at 12:14am<b>hebdbdbdb</b> - the 12/27/2014 at 6:02pm<b>tehaustiebear</b> - the 12/26/2014 at 4:21am

Liked!<b>lex1459</b> - the 01/12/2015 at 11:00am<b>soak_25</b> - the 01/02/2015 at 4:16am<b>tehaustiebear</b> - the 12/26/2014 at 10:21am<b>Zoeythedinosaur</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 4:38am<b>Shayaan</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 2:09am<b>RaspberryFlower</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 1:15am<b>hardesty</b> - the 12/08/2014 at 4:38pm<b>davered89</b> - the 11/27/2014 at 3:15am<b>Sailer16</b> - the 11/25/2014 at 1:51pm<b>minutepoet</b> - the 11/24/2014 at 5:11pm<b>BriannaOk</b> - the 11/24/2014 at 3:25am<b>Murkyy</b> - the 11/24/2014 at 1:52am<b>AirBusDriver</b> - the 11/24/2014 at 12:20am<b>Edogg215</b> - the 11/22/2014 at 1:31pm<b>CambodianPenguin</b> - the 11/21/2014 at 6:37am<b>S232Flash</b> - the 11/15/2014 at 1:59pm<b>bgbell98</b> - the 11/14/2014 at 4:28am<b>superwolf33</b> - the 11/13/2014 at 4:21pm

laaryssa's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

See all of laaryssa's badges

laaryssa's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first handjob. I was nervous, so when she went to do it, I panicked and yelled, "Firmly grasp it!" She then couldn't stop laughing because it was a line from SpongeBob. FML

Today, I tried baking my own bread to save food money. Unfortunately I screwed it up, prompting my wife to look at me pityingly and say "Wow, can't get even bread to rise." before walking out. I have erectile dysfunction, and she constantly insults me like this. FML

#21333974
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38606) - you deserved it (3040)

On 01/09/2015 at 3:16pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I signed into my online class, got bored, and took off my headphones to argue with my roommates about anal sex. At the end of the argument, I put my headphones back on to hear my professor asking if someone could call me to tell me to turn my damn mic off. FML

Today, my father seems to be having an affair. A used condom was carelessly left on his nightstand and my mother found it. She refuses to believe that my boyfriend and I are not responsible. As punishment I am "no longer allowed to see him." We're both 22 and live together in our own apartment. FML

#21331631
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36322) - you deserved it (2457)

On 01/05/2015 at 10:11pm - intimacy - by innocent (woman) - United States

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, we were cuddling when he grabbed his penis and made it say, "That was amazing! Thank you for the sex." He's 21 years old. FML

#21330918
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26715) - you deserved it (5603)

On 01/04/2015 at 9:50pm - love - by myboyfriendisweird - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time in over a month. When I came, I thrust one last time and let out a huge fart. She couldn't keep her mouth shut about it, and now all our friends keep calling me "CumFart". FML

#21329462
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33304) - you deserved it (6736)

On 01/02/2015 at 4:53pm - intimacy - by I'll Make You FartCum (man) - United States (California)

Today, I accidentally texted my mother instead of my drug dealer. FML

#21324443
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16739) - you deserved it (47646)

On 12/26/2014 at 12:39am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my 8-year-old daughter was throwing a tantrum, and I said "Keep this up and I'll tell Santa to take your presents back." She told me I don't even know Santa, at which point I accidentally blurted that I'm "Santa". FML

#21323581
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28732) - you deserved it (11052)

On 12/24/2014 at 10:01pm - kids - by Santa (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to my retail job to buy some clothing. As soon as I walked through the doors, my manager yelled at me for not being in appropriate work clothes. I tried to explain that I was off the clock but he was having none of it. I got written up. FML

#21322497
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32207) - you deserved it (2614)

On 12/23/2014 at 3:14am - work - by I hate my job - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I found out I was the top ranking sales person for 2014. What did last year's winner receive? An all-expenses paid weekend holiday. What did I receive? A ham. I'm vegetarian. FML

#21321989
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34307) - you deserved it (3525)

On 12/22/2014 at 9:24am - work - by Bahhumbug (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my girlfriend of two years asked me why I would never tie her shoes for her. I confessed to her my deep hatred of feet. Later, I woke up from a nap next to my girlfriend. With her feet in my mouth. FML

#21321894
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31828) - you deserved it (5610)

On 12/22/2014 at 3:05am - love - by ScottyB - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I sent my girlfriend a long-overdue message telling her I feel like she doesn't really care about me any more, that it seems like she only ever calls me when she needs money, and that I'm even starting to suspect she may be cheating on me. 14 hours later, she replied: "TL;DR". FML

#21320982
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27394) - you deserved it (3111)

On 12/20/2014 at 3:45pm - love - by KalaKa (man) - United States

Today, I was shocked to notice that my hair has started growing out entirely silver, supposedly due to pregnancy. I'm 19. Apparently, according to my aunt, "It runs in the family." FML

#21320202
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29642) - you deserved it (5853)

On 12/19/2014 at 5:41am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I found out my girlfriend and all of our friends have begun referring to the time I was meant to lose my virginity, but couldn't get hard, as the "cheese stick incident." They all think it's hilarious, and the worst part is that it's actually a pretty appropriate description. FML

#21319860
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29673) - you deserved it (3782)

On 12/18/2014 at 5:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I blew my load in less than a minute. I wasn't having sex or even making out. I was spooning. FML

#21318416
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34720) - you deserved it (6482)

On 12/16/2014 at 7:01am - intimacy - by Extravirgin (man) - Germany (Bayern)



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