Banana.
Today, I finally received a paycheck for the first time in six months. I celebrated by promptly falling down a flight of stairs and losing consciousness. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13830) - you totally deserved it (2727)
On 11/23/2009 at 5:12pm - work - by DBR (man) - United States (New York)
Today, at my bachelorette party, I got so wasted, I ended up giving my stripper a lap dance because he "wasn't doing it properly". There's photos. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4818) - you totally deserved it (28815)
On 09/03/2009 at 2:47am - misc - by sexyfreak2510 (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)
Today, I wanted to make love with my boyfriend for the first time. I wanted everything to be perfect. The CD kept skipping, the rose petals had ants all over them, and he couldn't get it up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35724) - you totally deserved it (8112)
On 09/02/2009 at 11:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I went to my school to take my yearbook picture. I was wearing a shirt that said ANALOG on the front. When I bent in to take the picture, part of my shirt overlapped itself. Now I'm known as the ANAL kid in the yearbook. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27501) - you totally deserved it (10743)
On 09/02/2009 at 5:23pm - misc - by boytoy (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML
I agree, your life sucks (41811) - you totally deserved it (6163)
On 08/16/2009 at 1:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kansas)
Today, I found out that my boyfriend is cheating on me, with the same guy I was cheating on him with. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20626) - you totally deserved it (57178)
On 07/03/2009 at 10:16am - misc - by shandrith (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML
I agree, your life sucks (51084) - you totally deserved it (5032)
On 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm - kids - by ....... (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I went through the drive through at Dunkin Donuts and asked for an iced coffee. After no response I start frantically screaming about bad service. After a while, the woman comes out to my car and says, "Please pull up to the speaker." I yelled at a garbage bin for 5 minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4186) - you totally deserved it (57178)
On 06/19/2009 at 1:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)
Today, my boyfriend of almost a year told me he thinks he might be gay. I took off my shirt, sexily climbed over him and began to kiss him passionately. "What do you think now?" I said seductively. His response? "Now I'm sure I'm gay." FML
I agree, your life sucks (54915) - you totally deserved it (10644)
On 06/11/2009 at 9:18pm - love - by Lexxi (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50040) - you totally deserved it (11672)
On 06/11/2009 at 7:52am - work - by apav (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I found out just how thin the walls at my new student flat are. They are so thin in fact, that I can hear the creepy guy next door say my full name over and over again very slowly whilst masturbating rigorously. FML
I agree, your life sucks (71181) - you totally deserved it (2102)
On 06/09/2009 at 9:36am - intimacy - by SleepyKirsty (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)
Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58755) - you totally deserved it (11789)
On 06/08/2009 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by OhGeez (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8007) - you totally deserved it (97016)
On 06/07/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, my 6 year old daughter saw a man in a wheelchair who's leg had been amputated. She walks up to him and says, "What happened?". He answers kindly that he's a war veteran. She then proceeds to respond, "Well then you deserve to get your leg blown off. You shouldn't be killing people." FML
I agree, your life sucks (53595) - you totally deserved it (8923)
On 05/17/2009 at 9:19pm - kids - by embarrassedmom (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping in the dog world meant dominance. Well, I decided to instill my dominance and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" and then my mom walked in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9867) - you totally deserved it (61759)
On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - misc - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)
