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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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knaevery

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knaevery
  • Town/Country : Melbourne, Australia
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 1 December 1992 (19 years)
  • Number of visits : 1129
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About knaevery : Banana.

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knaevery's favorite FMLs

Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML

#16661334 (304)

I agree, your life sucks (9219) - you deserved it (41267)

On 06/14/2011 at 1:57pm - money - by notinthebutt (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I finally received a paycheck for the first time in six months. I celebrated by promptly falling down a flight of stairs and losing consciousness. FML

#6422914 (66)

I agree, your life sucks (16553) - you deserved it (3213)

On 11/23/2009 at 5:12pm - work - by DBR (man) - United States (New York)

Today, at my bachelorette party, I got so wasted, I ended up giving my stripper a lap dance because he "wasn't doing it properly". There's photos. FML

#5015078 (144)

I agree, your life sucks (6139) - you deserved it (33628)

On 09/03/2009 at 2:47am - misc - by sexyfreak2510 (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I wanted to make love with my boyfriend for the first time. I wanted everything to be perfect. The CD kept skipping, the rose petals had ants all over them, and he couldn't get it up. FML

#5011183 (243)

I agree, your life sucks (40165) - you deserved it (9140)

On 09/02/2009 at 11:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to my school to take my yearbook picture. I was wearing a shirt that said ANALOG on the front. When I bent in to take the picture, part of my shirt overlapped itself. Now I'm known as the ANAL kid in the yearbook. FML

#5002532 (184)

I agree, your life sucks (31254) - you deserved it (12728)

On 09/02/2009 at 5:23pm - misc - by boytoy (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

#4572721 (190)

I agree, your life sucks (47227) - you deserved it (7288)

On 08/16/2009 at 1:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is cheating on me, with the same guy I was cheating on him with. FML

#3451487 (531)

I agree, your life sucks (50666) - you deserved it (129372)

On 07/03/2009 at 10:16am - misc - by shandrith (woman) - United States (California)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML

#3146320 (459)

I agree, your life sucks (136996) - you deserved it (19607)

On 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm - kids - by ....... (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went through the drive through at Dunkin Donuts and asked for an iced coffee. After no response I start frantically screaming about bad service. After a while, the woman comes out to my car and says, "Please pull up to the speaker." I yelled at a garbage bin for 5 minutes. FML

#3019033 (285)

I agree, your life sucks (7708) - you deserved it (76445)

On 06/19/2009 at 1:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML

#2796637 (211)

I agree, your life sucks (65229) - you deserved it (16026)

On 06/11/2009 at 7:52am - work - by apav (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I found out just how thin the walls at my new student flat are. They are so thin in fact, that I can hear the creepy guy next door say my full name over and over again very slowly whilst masturbating rigorously. FML

#2738282 (307)

I agree, your life sucks (84971) - you deserved it (2927)

On 06/09/2009 at 9:36am - intimacy - by SleepyKirsty (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML

#2722142 (287)

I agree, your life sucks (69757) - you deserved it (14571)

On 06/08/2009 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by OhGeez (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML

#2688793 (488)

I agree, your life sucks (24324) - you deserved it (224013)

On 06/07/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my 6 year old daughter saw a man in a wheelchair who's leg had been amputated. She walks up to him and says, "What happened?". He answers kindly that he's a war veteran. She then responds, "Well then you deserve to get your leg blown off. You shouldn't be killing people." FML

#2030761 (125)

I agree, your life sucks (71610) - you deserved it (13641)

On 05/17/2009 at 9:19pm - kids - by embarrassedmom (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping in the dog world meant dominance. Well, I decided to instill my dominance and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my sister in law walked in. FML

#2026481 (435)

I agree, your life sucks (22249) - you deserved it (97731)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)