About kiwienne : I moved from Denmark to Belgium a year ago. My Flemish sucks ass, but I try anyway!
kiwienne's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
100 kick ass comments
100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
kiwienne's favorite FMLs
Today, I went to an amusement park with my ex in the hopes of re-kindling our relationship. While taking a break at the petting zoo, I got rammed in the balls by a goat. She laughed and patted the goat. FML
by Nomoreballs / 07/10/2012 at 7:10pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Animals
Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML
by I_Has_A_Fishy / 07/10/2012 at 3:33pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by kalikanna / 07/07/2012 at 2:10am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by Toilettrash / 07/06/2012 at 6:51am / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 07/05/2012 at 12:01am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by nobrony / 07/02/2012 at 3:53pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I slammed my middle finger in a drawer. I screamed and my mom came running into the kitchen. She asked me what was wrong, so without thinking I stuck up my middle finger. She hasn't spoken to me since this morning. FML
by anonymous / 06/26/2012 at 2:05am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/18/2012 at 11:33pm / United States / Intimacy
by Myriam / 06/18/2012 at 12:05pm / Maldives (Maale) / Miscellaneous
Today, I received the photos my friend took of me proposing to my girlfriend. I'd proposed at the place we'd first met: the local zoo. When I looked them over, I noticed there was an elephant taking a poop in the background. FML
by Anonymous / 06/15/2012 at 1:12pm / United States (South Carolina) / Love
by anonymous / 06/14/2012 at 10:54am / China (Jiangsu) / Health
Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital. He and his friends got the bright idea of recording a re-enactment of a scene from Fight Club for a YouTube video. It ended as soon as my husband caught a fist to the gut and started violently puking all over our basement floor. FML
by Anonymous / 06/13/2012 at 4:38pm / Netherlands / Health
by pandora / 06/13/2012 at 5:08am / Israel (HaMerkaz) / Transportation
by creeped out / 06/12/2012 at 2:28pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I drove my drunk sister home after a wild night of partying. She did not go to bed as I expected; instead, she laid in the bathtub and cried every time I left her. Now it's 3AM, and she's using her bra as a lasso for various objects in the room. The best part is I work in 4 hours. FML
by eddie818 / 06/10/2012 at 3:54am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…