kiwienne

Search for a member

Offline (the 04/29/2015 at 5:46pm)

kiwienne

3Fucked!

kiwienne
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 28 October 1993 (22 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2969
  • Number of comments : 114
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About kiwienne : I moved from Denmark to Belgium a year ago. My Flemish sucks ass, but I try anyway!

kiwienne's page activity

Visits<b>Lilo4life</b> - the 04/14/2016 at 5:53am<b>martianna</b> - the 02/06/2016 at 11:58pm<b>pop17123</b> - the 01/31/2016 at 9:56pm<b>karacakal2</b> - the 01/16/2016 at 7:00pm<b>Spencyy</b> - the 01/07/2016 at 10:01pm<b>iT_Cereal</b> - the 12/08/2015 at 3:55am<b>ilpazzo</b> - the 10/28/2015 at 5:14am<b>Rulerray97</b> - the 10/27/2015 at 11:59pm<b>ershadq</b> - the 10/27/2015 at 7:41pm<b>kittykat1501</b> - the 08/07/2015 at 12:13am<b>beeferjay</b> - the 08/05/2015 at 9:19pm<b>amadeclton</b> - the 07/29/2015 at 9:26am<b>amine91</b> - the 07/03/2015 at 5:47pm<b>hardesty2904</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 11:56am<b>Hoopachi</b> - the 06/05/2015 at 3:25pm<b>brisbanegirl</b> - the 05/03/2015 at 9:07am<b>zingline89</b> - the 04/29/2015 at 12:17am<b>imkool136</b> - the 04/21/2015 at 6:46am

Fucked!<b>pop17123</b> - the 02/01/2016 at 3:57am<b>ershadq</b> - the 10/28/2015 at 12:42am<b>martin8337</b> - the 04/05/2015 at 1:57pm

kiwienne's FML badges

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of kiwienne's badges

kiwienne's favorite FMLs

Today, I was pooping at a local Target when I heard someone say "You need to eat more solids, you're pooping like a rabbit." FML

by llaurenmariee / 08/04/2012 at 7:35am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend opened my refrigerator and began her standard moan: "You're a pig, you never clean up. Look at that egg, it makes me want to throw up, it's gone black, it’s covered in fuzz, IT'S GOT HAIR ON IT!" I got up to check it out. It was a Kiwi fruit. FML

by opinaise / 08/02/2012 at 9:00am / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Love

Today, I saw the girl that I've had a crush on forever riding her horse on the side of the road. She waved, and without thinking, I honked my horn in response. Her horse bucked her off. FML

by Anonymous / 08/01/2012 at 7:31pm / United States (Minnesota) / Animals

Today, I was at a barbecue with my extended family. I was chatting to my grandma, when my idiotic brother decided to douse the grill with his cola. The hissing sounded so much like a Minecraft creeper that I instinctively screamed and practically shat my pants. FML

by NaKreen / 07/30/2012 at 6:21pm / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received my best compliment of the year so far when an ER doctor commented positively on the clarity of my urine sample. FML

by Anonymous / 07/30/2012 at 10:50am / United States / Health

Today, I was taking a walk when I noticed an elderly man on the ground, unmoving. Being a registered nurse, I tried to give him CPR. As my lips touched his, he hacked a loogie and spat it into the back of my throat. I swallowed. FML

by guy / 07/29/2012 at 11:24pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband and I were watching Lord of the Rings. My husband told me he sees the eye of Sauron every time he goes down on me. FML

by LOTRfail / 07/26/2012 at 10:13pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I had to turn down an offer of what seemed like some sexy time with a cute girl because my intestines were bursting with an intense desire to unleash molten lava. I rushed home to squat down, only to let out a disappointingly small piece of crud and a tiny fart. FML

by Jarman / 07/26/2012 at 1:39am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I told my son to go clean his mess of a room. He yelled, "Dobby has no master! Dobby is a free elf!" and walked off. He turned 18 a week ago. FML

by Anonymous / 07/25/2012 at 6:54am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, against my advice, my boyfriend decided to read Fifty Shades of Grey in an attempt to learn how to please me in bed. Now all he does is suck on my toes, and thinks it's weird that I don't spontaneously orgasm as if I'm some kind of nymphomaniacal weirdo. FML

by Anonymous / 07/23/2012 at 3:12pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, I was swimming in my pool with my two sons. A few hours later while on Facebook, I saw that one of them had liked a photo with the caption, "Peeing in a pool, best feeling ever." FML

by poolboy / 07/23/2012 at 12:28am / Kids

Today, I went to my local coffee shop. I soon witnessed the girl making my drink apparently dislodge a wedgie from her ass-crack and then sneeze into her hands. When I confronted her, she loudly accused me of "visually molesting" her. FML

by bitchimgay / 07/22/2012 at 12:48pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

by Bontempi / 07/19/2012 at 2:55pm / France / Miscellaneous

Today, I managed to bruise my nipple by closing an umbrella on it. The stupidity of the whole thing hurts almost as much as the injury. FML

by Anonymous / 07/14/2012 at 10:43am / Japan (Tokyo) / Health

Today, an old guy approached me and asked if I had ever seen an elephant with white ears. I shook my head. He then pulled the pockets out of his shorts and whipped out his sex nose. FML

by Anonymous / 07/12/2012 at 2:40am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy