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kingking97

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kingking97

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  • Number of visits : 16
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About kingking97 : I like big bitches and I cannot lie

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kingking97's favorite FMLs

Today, one of my cats gave birth. My other cat responded by eating the new litter in a jealous rage, then got indigestion and vomited. I had to clean up regurgitated kittens. FML

Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML

#20787584
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56309) - you deserved it (6673)

On 07/17/2013 at 12:48am - animals - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend was sitting on my lap at a birthday party. She thought it would be funny to fart. I came instantly. FML

#20785133
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59385) - you deserved it (20948)

On 07/15/2013 at 9:42pm - intimacy - by needsnewshorts (man) - United States (California)

Today, my 11-year-old daughter heard the quote, "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be." She decided to test this out by letting our new puppy out of the front door. FML

#20784969
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49725) - you deserved it (4363)

On 07/15/2013 at 8:10pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my mom got drunk and punched me in the nose, then yelled at me for bleeding on the carpet. FML

#20777221
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55519) - you deserved it (4332)

On 07/12/2013 at 3:22am - misc - by ouch (man) - United States

Today, my 15-year-old daughter's pregnancy test came back positive. I wanted to know who the father is, so I could sit the two of them down to talk the situation through with them. She isn't sure if it's her best friend, or our neighbor's son. FML

#20777059
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62445) - you deserved it (10817)

On 07/12/2013 at 1:19am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, after I got turned down for yet another job, my dad glanced up at me and casually remarked that porn is always a stable market. FML

#20776199
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55908) - you deserved it (5957)

On 07/11/2013 at 3:50pm - intimacy - by fucked up dad (woman) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, as part of my veterinary degree, I had to demonstrate how to jerk off a dog in front of my entire class. Afterwards, the lecturer said that I have the 'magic touch'. FML

#20775868
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57673) - you deserved it (6814)

On 07/11/2013 at 11:18am - work - by vet1 (man) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, my 13-year-old daughter and I went to a tropical themed restaurant. She wanted a strawberry Daiquiri, so I asked the waitress for a virgin strawberry Daiquiri. My daughter then said, "But dad, I'm not a virgin." FML

#20775827
337 comments

I agree, your life sucks (97960) - you deserved it (11350)

On 07/11/2013 at 10:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML

#20774202
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46809) - you deserved it (3304)

On 07/10/2013 at 12:33pm - misc - by my honest father - United States (Kansas)

Today, I got a message from my brother on Facebook that read, "They're watching you." This wouldn't have been such a big deal if he hadn't been dead for two years. FML

#20773595
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75939) - you deserved it (3697)

On 07/10/2013 at 1:24am - misc - by Wtf (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went to my local pool. I lay down in a chair and started tanning. About 30 minutes later, a lady came up to me and said, "Put that away, you pervert, there are children here!" I had a hole in my pants and my penis had started to poke through. FML

#20772281
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51495) - you deserved it (20753)

On 07/09/2013 at 12:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

#20769088
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52391) - you deserved it (9088)

On 07/07/2013 at 5:57pm - kids - by nosestealer (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend nicknamed my vagina after a local waterpark. It wasn't even that annoying until his friends started asking me how much I charged to let people "ride n' slide". FML

#20768896
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53273) - you deserved it (5591)

On 07/07/2013 at 4:07pm - intimacy - by roseland (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was going to fight the guy who my girlfriend left me for. While waiting at the park, he sent me a video of the two of them having sex on my bed. FML

#20768398
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65635) - you deserved it (21326)

On 07/07/2013 at 8:35am - love - by SimG (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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