About kelseythompson :
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Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
100 kick ass comments
100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
kelseythompson's favorite FMLs
Today, a 60 year old veteran hit on me by pointing to his white hair and saying: "Just because there's snow on the roof doesn't mean there isn't a fire down below." Then he told me vets eat free at Cracker Barrel. FML
by Bex98 / 09/28/2015 at 12:31pm / United States (California) / Love
by bonbon789 / 03/27/2014 at 2:10pm / United States / Health
Today, I was babysitting my nephew and we decided to color together. He drew a picture of someone who looked dead, almost zombie-like, while everyone else looked pretty normal. When I asked who it was, he said in a serious, scary voice, "It's you." FML
by BondingTime / 03/17/2014 at 5:51am / United States (Minnesota) / Kids
Today, I dreamed that Robert Downey Jr. kept flirting with me and asking me out. Each time, I refused him, because I'm taken. When I proudly told my boyfriend, he said, "What the hell? I could've kissed the mouth that kissed the Iron Man!" FML
by Can't Believe It. / 02/03/2014 at 3:11pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, I was playing with my little nephew and began to tickle him playfully, even though I know he doesn't like to be tickled. When I was done, he looked me straight in the eye, punched me in the groin, and told me, "No one tickles me". He's six. FML
by Ginger_Gawd / 01/20/2014 at 10:34pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
by ElephantLover / 12/11/2013 at 3:14pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by scared shitless / 12/10/2013 at 4:50am / United States (California) / Work
Today, I was quietly admiring my boyfriend from outside the kitchen as he made us dinner, only to witness him drop a load of spaghetti on the floor, swear, then scoop it all up and place it back on the plate. FML
by Anonymous / 11/24/2013 at 1:31pm / France / Health
Today, a girl and I were flirting and it was going well. Feeling bold, I asked what she would do if I kissed her. She smiled flirtatiously and said "Why don't you try it and find out?" I went in for a kiss, and she slapped me. FML
by smooth / 11/21/2013 at 11:10am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/17/2013 at 12:33am / Kids
by Haberdashing / 11/13/2013 at 3:10pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
Today, I asked a co-worker why he was wearing sandals, as they are not allowed under our strict dress code. He got extremely angry with me and stormed off. Ten minutes later, I got called into our boss' office. Apparently, he told her that I walked up to him and asked to suck his toes. FML
by feetfreak / 11/13/2013 at 4:00am / United States (California) / Work
by Thomas / 11/11/2013 at 12:20pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/10/2013 at 2:49am / United States / Kids
Today, I went to the bathroom on the way to class. After washing my hands, I couldn't figure out how to turn off the water. I finally resorted to asking a professor for help. She turned it off, looked me in the eyes and said, "Please don't tell me you're here on a scholarship." FML
by nevergoingtopeeagain / 11/06/2013 at 7:16pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my girlfriend called me and asked me if I wanted to have phone sex with her. We got into it.… Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend. There were some tents set up out the back so we decided… Today, I discovered that if I work out, I can't get an erection, but if I don't work out, my penis…