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katties's favorite FMLs
Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job, mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML
by Anonymous / 10/23/2014 at 2:43pm / United States / Kids
Today, my wife yelled at me for being a bastard and not caring about her needs. I felt like an asshole and apologized for everything. It took me a few hours to realize I'd basically just apologized for unknowingly hanging the toilet paper the "wrong way" for her OCD. FML
by Anonymous / 10/16/2014 at 3:30pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, the steroids I was prescribed for a slightly irritating sinus infection have worked, albeit at the price of making me almost shit my pants multiple times. My sinuses are now clear enough that I get the full scent of my steroid-induced diarrhea. FML
by roidrager / 10/16/2014 at 12:44pm / United States (Florida) / Health
by TCRII / 07/23/2014 at 7:52pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids
Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML
by Face fucking palm / 07/22/2014 at 11:36pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/11/2014 at 7:03am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by pierced. / 06/25/2014 at 12:29am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous
Today, my older brother managed to convince my younger sister that she's actually a boy, and that she'll soon be getting a penis in the mail, which she excitedly told everyone she could. He convinced me of the exact same thing as well several years ago. FML
by Anonymous / 06/14/2014 at 2:42am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Kids
by Mem / 05/30/2014 at 4:07pm / Sweden (Gavleborgs Lan) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/26/2014 at 11:53am / United States (California) / Love
Today, my friend announced that she'd lost weight recently. As I was congratulating her, my baby sister said, "I think you're still fat but that's good because you can give more meat to God when you go to heaven." Now I have to explain to a 6-year-old that God isn't a cannibal. FML
by Anonymous / 05/26/2014 at 7:37am / United Kingdom (Wolverhampton) / Kids
by whoops / 05/25/2014 at 5:23pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
by ClaustrophobicNightmares / 03/28/2014 at 4:42am / Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad) / Work
by mookiemookie01 / 03/27/2014 at 6:34pm / Miscellaneous
- Today, my new boyfriend asked why it takes me so long to reach orgasm. I didn't have the heart to… Today, I hooked up with the guy I've been seeing. Apparently he doesn't believe in condoms and took… Today, my girlfriend told me there was good news and bad news. Bad news: she's pregnant. Good news:…
- Today, I just finished treating my cat for fleas and bombing my apartment and washing everything. I… Today, I asked a guy for directions. He said "well you can either go the short way or the long way,… Today, is my 16 birthday. Today also marks one week my electric and water has been shut off. 6 days…