Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

jwp0211

Offline (the 09/17/2014 at 8:26pm) | Search for a member

jwp0211

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 911
  • Number of comments : 40
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About jwp0211 : You better not read this.
You know what? I want you to read this so you can learn absolutely nothing about me.

jwp0211's page activity

Visits<b>skiddymarker</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 3:03pm<b>bassguitar98</b> - the 07/01/2014 at 8:13am<b>savvy8</b> - the 06/16/2014 at 9:02pm<b>Just1Ash</b> - the 06/16/2014 at 2:41am<b>groovycrazyjoe</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 11:58pm<b>boarderlyne17</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 11:50pm<b>Federgirl</b> - the 05/12/2014 at 11:49am<b>Victormoon</b> - the 04/26/2014 at 7:18pm<b>LostInTransation</b> - the 04/26/2014 at 9:30am<b>speakersboom</b> - the 11/27/2013 at 12:40am<b>MRVOlivia</b> - the 11/20/2013 at 12:17am<b>sweet0cheeks</b> - the 09/29/2013 at 9:22pm<b>cskipgolfer2013</b> - the 09/17/2013 at 8:09pm<b>wildmonkey</b> - the 09/12/2013 at 8:16pm<b>Nunaetsuko</b> - the 09/07/2013 at 10:23pm<b>knt_rocks</b> - the 08/22/2013 at 6:29am<b>AmyPond17</b> - the 07/14/2013 at 4:16pm<b>that_band_nerd</b> - the 06/20/2013 at 11:11pm

jwp0211's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of jwp0211's badges

jwp0211's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML

#2005903
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28856) - you deserved it (85928)

On 05/17/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by Ohshit (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, a friend and I went to Gamestop to pick up a game he wanted. I ended up buying a 17+ game, and I was prepared to show my license, but he stopped me an said, "I know you're 18". He then said, "Man, I've pretty much watched you grow up in this store." A game salesman watched me grow up. FML

Today, I received a list of employee names who were losing their jobs and I had to remove them from the system as I work for IT. I was on the list. That's right. My last responsibility as an employee was removing myself from the system for security reasons. FML

#1818659
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67407) - you deserved it (2689)

On 05/10/2009 at 4:41pm - work - by IT_4_Hire (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was playing with my kid cousin outside. It was warm, so I was wearing my new bikini, and felt pretty good about myself. She suddenly turns to me and asks: "How come your tits are so small when you have such a big belly?" FML

#677101
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66903) - you deserved it (10298)

On 03/29/2009 at 8:32am - kids - by Chubs (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, I repaired a boiler for a wealthy guy in a big house. While there, I fixed a leaking tap for free. When I went to go, the man slipped something into my shirt pocket and said "have a drink on me." When I got to my truck, I discovered that he'd given me a tea bag. FML

#598491
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74428) - you deserved it (5665)

On 03/25/2009 at 12:33pm - misc - by toast - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML

#553935
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84346) - you deserved it (31503)

On 03/23/2009 at 3:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was babysitting for my mom's coworkers two little boys. they went to bed around 9 and I was watching a movie on HBO. I fell asleep before the movie was over. I woke up to the parents walking into the house. I looked at the TV, and porn was on. FML

#247252
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54896) - you deserved it (11695)

On 03/08/2009 at 10:53pm - kids - by monty (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I went to visit my Grandmother, accidentally leaving my phone home during the weekend. When I got back I had 2 texts from my crush. One saying "I want to take the most beautiful girl to prom, go with me?" and the other saying, "Fine fattie, I'll ask someone else." FML

#229986
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71284) - you deserved it (6920)

On 03/06/2009 at 9:55pm - love - by promdump (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I changed the C on my report card into a B so that I wouldn't get in trouble with my parents. I spent the entire day perfecting the B's positioning and cut exactly around the edges of the size 10 font and sliced my finger in the process. Turns out, I'm still grounded for getting a B. FML

Today, my best friend told me she wanted to rape my throat. I did not know that was possible. FML

#14570
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23524) - you deserved it (4682)

On 02/08/2009 at 3:04am - misc - by N (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I got in a huge fight with my mom. So, I went to my room and locked myself in there and played loud music so I didn't have to hear her. She then decides to yell at me over facebook. Shortly after, I log out of Facebook. She then starts yelling at me on Yahoo. Damn technology. FML

#3491
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11069) - you deserved it (23547)

On 01/29/2009 at 7:45pm - misc - by blarg - United States (Illinois)

Today, one of the kids I was babysitting tried to hard boil eggs using the microwave. You cannot hard boil eggs using the microwave. It makes a mess. This we have learned. FML

#2695
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7662) - you deserved it (18098)

On 01/26/2009 at 4:08pm - misc - by Danana - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, in class, I asked my teacher for a "rubber". I didn't realise that in America "rubber" doesn't mean "eraser", it means condom. FML

#2256
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59120) - you deserved it (7820)

On 01/22/2009 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by TheEnglishOne - United States (California)

Today, I found a deodorant spray underneath the counter of the snack place I work in, so give it a try to see what it smells like. It's currently the high season, and so I have quite a few clients standing in line in front of me, but it seems they'll now have to wait a couple of days for the restaurant to have all the remnants of the CS gas spray cleaned up. FML

#956
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5382) - you deserved it (18072)

On 01/11/2009 at 6:14am - work - by Xav_Cad - France (Languedoc-Roussillon)



FML's blog

  • Cynthia's illustrated FML
  • TFIF indeed. It's time to kick off the suit and tie and forget about work. Some of us are going out for drinks with friends, others are going to enjoy some live music and some brave fools are going to keep fit…

Friday 28 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: