About jwp0211 : You better not read this.
You know what? I want you to read this so you can learn absolutely nothing about me.
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Today, I open my front door and saw a covered basket with a card from my girlfriend on it. I picked it up and read, "Hope this cheers you up." I uncovered the basket to find a golden labrador puppy. Its eyes were closed and it wasn't breathing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56269) - you deserved it (1908)
On 09/29/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by rainedaddy (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, it is my wedding day. I couldn't find my very expensive wedding dress anywhere. After almost 2 hours of panic and chaos, I found it in my pool, covered in red paint, with a note on one of my lounge chairs reading, "Today is MY wedding day, bitch." FML
I agree, your life sucks (62287) - you deserved it (2800)
On 09/19/2009 at 5:04pm - misc - by weddingcrashed (woman) - United States (California)
Today, as I was walking home, three burly men suddenly began to approach me. Thinking they were going to mug me, I reached for my pocketknife and said "Stay away, I have a knife." Turns out they just wanted directions to an ice cream shop for their daughters, who were now bawling their eyes out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8897) - you deserved it (36940)
On 09/17/2009 at 1:00am - kids - by almostmugged (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, after thirteen years of engagement, my fiancé and I split. As is, with the day, we changed our facebook relationships to make it official. I logged back on tonight to find his mother, the woman I've spent the last year looking after and having a good time, 'liking' the break up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30578) - you deserved it (5333)
On 09/15/2009 at 8:10am - love - by ohIlike (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, I took this girl out that I've been crushing on for 2 years to a fancy restaurant. At one point during the date, I had to get up to take a massive dump. As I was walking back to the table, a little boy stood up and shouted, "THAT'S THE POOPOO MAN" in front of the whole restaurant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34025) - you deserved it (506)
On 09/12/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by taman (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I woke up at my crazy ex-girlfriend's house, naked and disoriented. You know, the kind of crazy like we-didn't-break-up-it-was-just-a-fight-now-we-can-get-married crazy. She says everything's fine now and she's so glad we've "started our family." FML
I agree, your life sucks (38925) - you deserved it (11467)
On 09/10/2009 at 6:55am - misc - by drugged_on_arrival (man) - Virgin Islands British
Today, I woke up at my crazy ex-girlfriend's house, naked and disoriented. You know, the kind of crazy like we-didn't-break-up-it-was-just-a-fight-now-we-can-get-married crazy. She says everything's fine now and she's so glad we've "started our family." FML
I agree, your life sucks (38925) - you deserved it (11467)
On 09/10/2009 at 6:55am - misc - by drugged_on_arrival (man) - Virgin Islands British
Today, at work, I accidentally got ink on my white dress shirt - right by my left nipple. Absentmindedly, I licked my finger and tried rubbing the stain out. When I looked up, the Vice President was staring at me in disbelief. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29537) - you deserved it (5412)
On 09/07/2009 at 6:19pm - work - by CMANIA (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I found out that I was held back in preschool because of some developmental issues. My parents didn't think it was important enough to mention it to me. Why hadn't I figured it out? They also lied to me about how old I was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59645) - you deserved it (2975)
On 08/03/2009 at 2:31am - misc - by dumb (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was performing in the musical 'Cabaret'. I was playing a Nazi soldier, swastika armband and all. Someone thought it would be funny to take my real clothes while I was on stage. I had to walk a mile back my house with my costume on. Someone threw eggs at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41080) - you deserved it (3773)
On 07/21/2009 at 8:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I was at work in a lab. I spent all day growing a large bacterial culture. I went to retrieve it, only to find that someone had turned the incubation shaker up too high, and my flask had flown off and shattered. Not only did I lose all my work, but now the whole room is a biohazard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33341) - you deserved it (2327)
On 07/18/2009 at 3:46pm - work - by startingover (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my friend put a bunch of cheetos all over me at the beach while I was taking a nap. Next thing I know I'm being woken up by a bunch of seagulls attacking me. One pooped in my hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36500) - you deserved it (3352)
On 07/16/2009 at 2:30am - misc - by kewlcat (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I went to the doctor for a sports physical. I've had a giant, dark birthmark on my left rib cage that I've hated most of my life. Recently I've learned to embrace it and show it off by wearing bikinis. My doctor saw it today and told me it's a fungus that's been spreading on my side all my life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50197) - you deserved it (4790)
On 07/01/2009 at 4:35pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I turned 22. Instead of cutting my own cake, I stood by and smiled at a friend's belated birthday party. She celebrated her birthday two months ago. She decided to have her party on my birthday. No one remembered mine but everyone got her beautiful gifts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56493) - you deserved it (3387)
On 05/31/2009 at 8:44am - misc - by Samantha (woman) - Singapore
Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24358) - you deserved it (67761)
On 05/17/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by Ohshit (man) - United States (Texas)
Monday 17 June 2013
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