About jwp0211 : You better not read this.
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About jwp0211 : You better not read this.
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jwp0211's favorite FMLs
Today, I discovered my mom had sold all of our summer clothes over the winter on eBay because we're short on cash. However, I am allowed to cut off the sleeves of all my long sleeve shirts and the legs off my jeans to stay cool in the summer. Nothing's more attractive than looking trashy, right? FML
by Nicole / 03/13/2010 at 2:16pm / United States (Texas) / Money
Today, I told my mom I was 3 months pregnant, expecting her to be happy. Instead, she screamed that I was no longer her daughter and she never wanted to see me again before throwing me out of her house, because I got pregnant out of wedlock. Nice math mom. I've been married for 5 months. FML
by notamathematician / 03/07/2010 at 5:27am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had my final economics exam, and needed to ace it, or else I would fail the entire module. After studying all day yesterday, and pulling an all-nighter today, I managed to pull it off and get a perfect score. Unfortunately, my teacher didn't believe that it was possible, and accused me of cheating. Now I may be thrown out of college. FML
by koolkidx3 / 02/24/2010 at 4:28pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I returned home to find that my boyfriend's dog had gotten into the garbage and ripped all my used pads to shreds. There's a trail of Always tatters leading to his dog bed, and blood everywhere. My blood. Oh God. FML
by OMGraven / 02/19/2010 at 3:24am / United States (Georgia) / Animals
by Pushover / 02/12/2010 at 10:30pm / United States (Arizona) / Love
Today, my boyfriend, who hasn't shaved in a month, went to go shave. I was pretty excited since his beard was starting to make my face itch whenever we kissed. When he came out of the bathroom he had a handlebar mustache. FML
by Anonymous / 02/08/2010 at 1:58am / United States (Texas) / Love
by Thorin / 01/25/2010 at 4:46pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Health
Today, my female room-mate decided to throw away my xbox, along with a few other possessions because they reminded her of her ex. Furiously, I asked her if "it was that time of the month again." Now I can't feel my balls, and miss my games. FML
by NYCguy / 01/19/2010 at 10:59pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/13/2010 at 3:46am / United Kingdom (London) / Kids
Today, I entered my bedroom, ready to play some COD on my xbox 360. Instead, I find a note where my xbox used to be. It read "You think you can cheat on me and get away with it? Fuck you. I smashed the hell out of your stupid xbox." It was signed by my girlfriend. I never cheated on her. FML
by Anonymous / 01/06/2010 at 7:29pm / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that my dad has been having an affair. With my formerly favorite teacher. The best part? Yesterday, she announced to the class that she was pregnant. I clapped and congratulated her. FML
by Anonymous / 11/15/2009 at 10:28pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by JJ / 11/13/2009 at 10:07pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, I went through with my elaborate plans to propose to my girlfriend with creativity. I took her skydiving and proposed in midair. She rejected. Why? She wanted a more "traditional" proposal. FML
by rejectedmidair / 11/13/2009 at 2:14am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was at a Remembrance Day service when an old widow told me I had my "grandad's" medals on the wrong side of my coat. I told her that I was an Afghanistan veteran and that they were mine. She then berated me in front of the WHOLE service for "lying". FML
by Danners88 / 11/10/2009 at 11:36pm / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, I was stopped by a cop while walking down the street. He was slowly trailing me before pulling along side of me and asking how my night was going. He then said, "You know I can't let you do this. Know those new jeans you bought? The sticker is still on the leg" and drove off. FML
by limecat / 10/06/2009 at 3:12am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- Today, at 11:30 p.m., after a 5-hour train journey to get back to Paris carrying a suitcase that’s… Today, I stumbled upon a slightly drunk neighbor, trying to type in the entry code with his penis.… Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the…