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jussfuckingsmile

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jussfuckingsmile

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  • Number of visits : 309
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 39 posted

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jussfuckingsmile's favorite FMLs

Today, I walked into my mother's house to find that she had knitted clothes for some of the household appliances. The toaster was wearing a dress. FML

#20457945
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28679) - you deserved it (3148)

On 01/13/2013 at 10:00pm - misc - by anon - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend discovered how to make me queef on demand when he has his fingers inside me. I now feel like my love life has been replaced with fart sounds. FML

#20189453
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30650) - you deserved it (3786)

On 12/03/2012 at 1:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML

#20118693
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26860) - you deserved it (3319)

On 10/15/2012 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML

#20118693
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26860) - you deserved it (3319)

On 10/15/2012 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, after weeks of coming home to find my furniture all tipped over, thinking the place was haunted, and accepting my boyfriend's offers to come over and "comfort" me, I came home from work early. I found my boyfriend in the kitchen, kicking over all the chairs. FML

#20116490
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18269) - you deserved it (7720)

On 10/14/2012 at 1:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Estonia

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML

#20105380
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30566) - you deserved it (6420)

On 10/07/2012 at 6:25am - intimacy - by SoSexy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at a Chinese buffet, and I got a fortune cookie. I opened it, and it said, "The love of your life is sitting across from you". The only thing across from me was an empty chair. FML

#20007961
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31765) - you deserved it (3005)

On 08/07/2012 at 4:13pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, while at work, I used the restroom. After I noticed we were out of paper towels, I just tried shaking my hands dry. I then readjusted my bra, since it'd been driving me crazy all day. After getting back to my cubicle, I realized that I had two wet handprints over my boobs. FML

#20007867
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16992) - you deserved it (10595)

On 08/07/2012 at 3:17pm - work - by Employee (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I told my boyfriend that I was going to stop drinking, since I have been having some problems with alcohol and some of my relatives are alcoholics. He later broke up with me, saying he couldn't be with someone who "chose to be boring." FML

#19917183
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27577) - you deserved it (2943)

On 07/09/2012 at 11:40pm - love - by sober (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

#19793582
401 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37173) - you deserved it (3998)

On 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm - misc - by 16590 (man) - Sweden

Today, I decided not to wear any makeup. I got told 13 times at work that I looked ill. FML

#19532627
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23374) - you deserved it (6054)

On 04/26/2012 at 3:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I received a text from the guy I'm into, thanking me for helping him drunkenly stumble back to his apartment last night. He ended it with, "How long did you stay?" Apparently, he doesn't remember confessing his secret love for me, or the fantastic kiss that followed. FML

#19531707
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28283) - you deserved it (3618)

On 04/26/2012 at 10:43am - love - by Aus (woman) - United States

Today, Target asked me if I would do the closing announcement. I've only been working there a little while, so excited I agreed. I told people, "The store is now closing, thank you for shopping at Walmart." FML

#19088946
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15745) - you deserved it (29078)

On 02/15/2012 at 9:03pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I started speaking gibberish in the middle of the conversation with my mom to see if she would notice. She didn't. FML

#19088881
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23569) - you deserved it (2650)

On 02/15/2012 at 8:54pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, even though she can barely deal with raising kids, my 19-year-old sister announced her fourth pregnancy, by a fourth man, of yet another race. Why? Because she wants to "be like Angelina Jolie." I fear that social services may laugh at me if I tell them. FML

#19059341
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36364) - you deserved it (2650)

On 02/12/2012 at 7:18pm - kids - by amythest - United Kingdom (Belfast)



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