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josiem's FML badges
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
I never take things to heart
Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
josiem's favorite FMLs
by nopanties / 03/04/2013 at 12:11am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML
by JimmyT / 03/03/2013 at 5:21pm / Norway (Hordaland) / Work
by segal1010 / 02/27/2013 at 7:27pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by thepokemonkid / 02/27/2013 at 12:03am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip. There was a shift in gears and the metal in the seat began to vibrate. My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing. It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm. FML
by Frostbitten / 02/26/2013 at 10:00pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy
Today, a guy I went on one date with asked me out again via text. Being honest, I texted back, politely saying that he was a good guy but I wasn't really interested. He came over to my house, screaming about how awful I was for "text message breaking up with him" and then cracked my windshield. FML
by fuckedover / 02/26/2013 at 11:43am / United States / Love
Today, I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital corridor. The nurse who took me to my room afterward tried to comfort me by saying there've been worse incidents; she said that two years ago, a lady gave birth in the parking lot. That was me too. FML
by laprochainefoisjerestealamaison / 02/25/2013 at 2:47pm / France (Languedoc-Roussillon) / Health
by Anonymous / 02/25/2013 at 3:39am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Money
Today, while at work, my ex-boyfriend came in. I pretended not to see him, hoping he would just pass on by. No such luck. He stopped to tell me that he was there for orientation. My company hired him. FML
by Anonymous / 02/24/2013 at 8:56am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, my boyfriend of 2 years decided to tell an unimaginably rude joke to my grandma while at my house. She hit him over the head with a vase, and he's threatening to press charges. I still don't know whose side to take. FML
by Anonymous / 02/23/2013 at 11:13am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by BadAssBandit897 / 02/23/2013 at 8:46am / Canada / Love
by MsCobb / 02/16/2013 at 10:27am / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, I walked past a few of my coworkers sitting outside smoking. As I got a whiff of the smoke, I coughed. They immediately started to defend their habit, and I was told to "mind my own fucking business." I wasn't trying to be rude; I'm actually allergic to cigarette smoke. FML
by youmindyourownbusiness / 02/15/2013 at 12:53am / United States (Illinois) / Health
Today, I had to yet again explain to the guy I live with that just because you can't see dirt, it doesn't mean it's clean. And so letting his dog lick the plates is NOT the same thing as washing up. He won't listen to me, and he uses my plates. FML
by Anonymous / 02/14/2013 at 8:08pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Animals
Today, I tried to give some change to a homeless man. My girlfriend pulled me away and ranted about how homeless people are all basically bastards who deserve their misfortune, and that I shouldn't give "our" money away. FML
by dating a fucking psycho / 02/14/2013 at 3:06pm / United States (North Carolina) / Money
- Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my… Today, I was driving in a straight line on a completely deserted road in the open bush. I sneezed… Today, my boyfriend whispered to me, “I’m so tired of these fucking mosquitos.” When I asked why he…