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josiem

Offline (the 09/19/2014 at 9:20pm) | Search for a member

josiem

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 820
  • Number of comments : 67
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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josiem's page activity

Visits<b>rocker_chick23</b> - the 10/08/2014 at 7:10pm<b>Rababco</b> - the 02/13/2014 at 9:21pm<b>SingingFarmGirl</b> - the 10/27/2013 at 3:34pm<b>xDochx</b> - the 09/10/2013 at 11:33pm<b>MrsKent123</b> - the 07/11/2013 at 11:58am<b>testtest2</b> - the 06/05/2013 at 10:52am<b>grogers311</b> - the 06/01/2013 at 8:30am<b>hippodamia</b> - the 05/03/2013 at 11:16pm<b>waterboy14</b> - the 05/03/2013 at 6:41am<b>ireynkc</b> - the 05/03/2013 at 4:29am<b>KVKdragon</b> - the 05/03/2013 at 4:25am<b>PhotoSmith</b> - the 05/03/2013 at 3:47am<b>MGITSWFTC</b> - the 05/02/2013 at 11:16pm<b>jeffandjeff</b> - the 04/23/2013 at 3:02pm<b>Covenant74</b> - the 04/14/2013 at 7:27pm<b>Ergayles</b> - the 04/08/2013 at 12:24am<b>decimater</b> - the 03/20/2013 at 11:42pm

josiem's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

I never take things to heart

Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

See all of josiem's badges

josiem's favorite FMLs

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML

#20711208
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55077) - you deserved it (64189)

On 06/07/2013 at 3:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I saw mice eating from my cat's food dish, again. Where is my cat? He's busy bringing in more mice, birds, and once even an unharmed chipmunk through his cat door. FML

Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. 20 minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML

#20708003
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53374) - you deserved it (4047)

On 06/05/2013 at 6:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, my fiancée told me that she wants us to have an open marriage. She reasons that since she doesn't equate sex with love, there's no logical reason for me to be against her having sex with other people. FML

Today, I let my step-father know exactly what I thought of him. After a few moments of awkward silence, he leaned towards me and quietly whispered, "Well you're adopted. Your parents never loved you." FML

#20707377
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53894) - you deserved it (13414)

On 06/05/2013 at 11:24am - misc - by SkeetinKeaton (man) - United States

Today, my 6-year-old son was so angry at me for not buying him overpriced candy at the airport, that he told a security guard I had a machine gun in my suitcase. The interrogation was not pleasant. FML

#20703790
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60828) - you deserved it (7623)

On 06/03/2013 at 5:16pm - kids - by VDM (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was texting my boyfriend when he said, "Hold up." Thinking it'd be funny, I ran and grabbed my copy of the movie Up, and took a picture of me holding it and sent it to him. He replied, "Getting real tired of your shit." Then dumped me for my "dumb taste in humor." FML

#20696601
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62473) - you deserved it (13654)

On 05/31/2013 at 12:16am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML

#20695159
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63074) - you deserved it (5065)

On 05/30/2013 at 12:29pm - kids - by life insurance for 1 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking down the stairs with my guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to my wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stairs. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML

#20691071
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63282) - you deserved it (14411)

On 05/28/2013 at 12:37pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, as I was lying on my bed with one of my arms hanging from the side, I felt something sniff my hand from underneath. I don't have any pets. FML

#20688489
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57331) - you deserved it (3945)

On 05/27/2013 at 12:05am - animals - by scared-straight - United States

Today, while grieving over the loss of my Grandpa, I called my girlfriend for comfort. After I had cheered up, she said, "Don't worry, he went to Hell anyway." FML

#20679293
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41695) - you deserved it (3121)

On 05/22/2013 at 3:14am - misc - by SadPuppy - United States

Today, I thought the public restroom I was in was empty, so I started rapping. I realized the room was not empty when, recognizing the song, the person one stall over joined in. FML

#20677562
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27190) - you deserved it (39384)

On 05/21/2013 at 11:01am - misc - by crappingrapping - United States

Today, I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onions for his dish, he warned us to be ready for the "typical reactions". Everyone teared up. Meanwhile, I popped a boner. So much for typical. FML

#20667353
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50313) - you deserved it (8707)

On 05/16/2013 at 4:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my dad called me a "deadbeat loser" after I came back from my first day of voluntary rehab for my meth problem. He's never had a job in his life and sits on the sofa all day, smoking weed and playing video games, all on my mom's salary. FML

#20642863
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54586) - you deserved it (7858)

On 05/05/2013 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

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