josiem

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Offline (the 11/22/2015 at 3:20am)

josiem

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1719
  • Number of comments : 67
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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josiem's page activity

Visits<b>jlmartin411</b> - the 12/07/2015 at 2:05pm<b>rocker_chick23</b> - the 10/08/2014 at 7:10pm<b>Rababco</b> - the 02/13/2014 at 9:21pm<b>SingingFarmGirl</b> - the 10/27/2013 at 3:34pm<b>xDochx</b> - the 09/10/2013 at 11:33pm<b>MrsKent123</b> - the 07/11/2013 at 11:58am<b>testtest2</b> - the 06/05/2013 at 10:52am<b>grogers311</b> - the 06/01/2013 at 8:30am<b>hippodamia</b> - the 05/03/2013 at 11:16pm<b>waterboy14</b> - the 05/03/2013 at 6:41am<b>ireynkc</b> - the 05/03/2013 at 4:29am<b>KVKdragon</b> - the 05/03/2013 at 4:25am<b>PhotoSmith</b> - the 05/03/2013 at 3:47am<b>MGITSWFTC</b> - the 05/02/2013 at 11:16pm<b>jeffandjeff</b> - the 04/23/2013 at 3:02pm<b>Covenant74</b> - the 04/14/2013 at 7:27pm<b>Ergayles</b> - the 04/08/2013 at 12:24am

josiem's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

I never take things to heart

Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

See all of josiem's badges

josiem's favorite FMLs

Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML

by HappilyNeverAfter / 09/17/2014 at 11:14pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I video-chatted with my mom and showed her my new, very short haircut. My dad walked in, took one look at me and said, "I can only attribute this to penis envy," and walked out again. FML

by HeIsKindaRightTho / 09/16/2014 at 12:31am / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, I found out I sent several embarrassing videos while under the influence of the meds I was given while getting my wisdom teeth out. When I asked my mom why she didn't take my phone, she said she tried but I started whining and growling at her. FML

by sydspears3 / 09/09/2014 at 2:08pm / United States (Florida) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I asked my students to buy a copy of Anne Frank's diary for an assignment. One of them asked me in all seriousness who wrote it. FML

by Huedadaa / 10/18/2013 at 8:05pm / France (Picardie) / Kids

Today, my weird neighbor is a conspiracy theorist and thinks the government is trying to kill him. Someone thought it would be funny to shine a red laser light through his window. I was on the stairs when he ran past, screaming bloody murder, sending me down a flight of steps. FML

by Anonymous / 10/14/2013 at 3:13am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say "Shit! Get this fucker back under!" then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid "another lawsuit", followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2013 at 5:49pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I woke up to my cat slowly dragging her paw across my face. I opened my eyes to see a bloody mouse dangling an inch from my face. It was still twitching. FML

by animal lover... / 10/05/2013 at 6:34pm / Animals

Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML

by Anonymous / 10/05/2013 at 4:23pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Animals

Today, I moved into a new house, I couldn't help but notice a car alarm going off, so I investigated my neighbors. Turns out it's their bird. It imitates chainsaws, car alarms, and much more. FML

by Mike Messenger / 10/05/2013 at 9:51am / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, my two parrots decided that my head was the best place to have sex. FML

by NestHead / 10/01/2013 at 1:32pm / Russian Federation (Moscow City) / Animals

Today, a coworker at school yelled at one of our students to be quiet. The kid got pretty upset, so I went to comfort him. He held my hand for the rest of the class, telling me in vivid detail how he was going to kill my coworker. Now I'm afraid to look at him. FML

by Anonymous / 10/01/2013 at 12:36pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I went to a really important job interview. During it, I accidentally let out a burp, came down with nervous hiccups, and when I tried to quietly ease out some painful gas that was building up, it came out as a massive, rancid fart. I'll definitely be unemployed for a while yet. FML

by ;_;" / 09/27/2013 at 5:33pm / Lebanon (Beyrouth) / Work

Today, I broke up with my abusive girlfriend. She responded by breaking into my place and stabbing my hamster with a fork. FML

by Anonymous / 09/27/2013 at 4:33pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I was on a bus and I was so exhausted that I fell asleep. According to a few other passengers, I nestled into the chest of the guy next to me, and hit him every time he made a noise. FML

by accountnamevalid / 07/21/2013 at 12:45am / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML

by Anonymous / 07/20/2013 at 11:45am / United States (Delaware) / Work