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johnnyk3's favorite FMLs
Today, I was trying on some shoes. As I was bending down, an old lady with a walking frame slowly approached. As she got close she whispered to me "Mmm, you've got a nice tushie." My girlfriend will not let me hear the end of it. FML
by Creeped out / 01/28/2013 at 3:14am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
by yourmainman / 01/28/2013 at 12:03am / Canada / Intimacy
Today, an elderly gentleman came into my store complaining of a toothache, so I showed him where the Orajel was located. He then insisted on making a big scene, claiming that I really had the magic touch and if I would just stroke his cheek all his pain would go away. FML
by EmberLove / 01/17/2013 at 9:06am / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 01/17/2013 at 5:43am / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 01/14/2013 at 12:58pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, I was at a party with my crush. The collar on his shirt was sticking up so I fixed it for him. He gave me a hug and said, "Aww you're so good to me. You're like my mother. You can be my college mother." I got mother-zoned. FML
by shiney100893 / 01/14/2013 at 7:56am / Ireland (Dublin) / Love
Today, while making dinner I cut my finger badly with a knife. When I yelled for my dad to drive me to the hospital, he accused me of lying to get attention. He had to taste my blood before he decided it wasn't red-colored corn syrup. FML
by Anonymous / 01/14/2013 at 12:52am / United States (Washington) / Health
by kk / 01/09/2013 at 11:07am / United States / Miscellaneous
by finallyready / 01/08/2013 at 2:56pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/06/2013 at 8:06am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I came home to a flooded apartment and water still pouring from the ceiling. The woman who lives above me is shocked that I would consider her responsible for the damage and doesn't think she should have to pay for it. FML
by Anonymous / 01/06/2013 at 5:01am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, after 3 years with my dream girl, I decided to pop the question by making her complete a scavenger hunt ending in her finding me, suit and everything, by the park bench where we had our first kiss. She came home tired and, instead of following the clues, decided to watch TV all day. FML
by ItRainedOutside / 01/06/2013 at 3:49am / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, I found out that I was pregnant and sent a picture of the positive test to my boyfriend. Before I got a text back from him, I got his newly updated Facebook status that read "This has got to be the most depressing day of my life." FML
by kiken.bara / 01/06/2013 at 3:17am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Birthday girl / 01/06/2013 at 12:59am / United States (North Dakota) / Miscellaneous
- Today, the guy I've been with for 4 years chose hard drugs over me and our daughter. Happy birthday… Today, I got attacked on social media. In my bio, I had put "LAUREN I SEE YOU". I was talking about… Today I got a message from a girl I've been dating; I've dated a few women the last couple of years…