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jeweleecortez

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jeweleecortez
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  • Number of visits : 52
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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jeweleecortez's favorite FMLs

Today, I was babysitting a 4-year-old, and we decided to play a game of hide and seek. Before he started to count, he looked me straight in the eyes and said that if I hid in his spot, he'd murder me with a knife when he grows up. I have to babysit this kid for the rest of the summer. FML

#20662885
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39098) - you deserved it (2941)

On 05/14/2013 at 12:48pm - work - by sumhub94 - United States

Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth filled. The nurse just finished taking my info when the doctor came in and started drilling. Through my chorus of screams he realized he'd forgotten to numb me. His only response was, "Guess I forgot to numb ya, huh?" while giggling. FML

#20662624
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49097) - you deserved it (3290)

On 05/14/2013 at 8:03am - health - by toothache - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out I'm actually the uncle of my children. All four of them. FML

#20662485
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79304) - you deserved it (4475)

On 05/14/2013 at 3:13am - kids - by Liferuinedforever (man) - Pakistan (Sindh)

Today, the regional manager of my company came out to do some performance reviews. I was so nervous that my palms were sweaty, and when he reached out to shake my hand, I blurted out, "I'm sorry, you made me wet." FML

#20660456
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41443) - you deserved it (7987)

On 05/13/2013 at 8:01am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my girlfriend was visiting, and while in the bathroom, she clogged the toilet. Since there was no plunger in the room, she unclogged it with the only thing she could find: my mother's hairbrush. FML

#20660172
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35581) - you deserved it (4135)

On 05/13/2013 at 1:02am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, our cat died. My five-year-old tried to flush him down the toilet. FML

Today, I was feeling down about being the only single person out of a group of eight friends. Out of desperation, I made up "Jonny", a hot fitness instructor whom I recently hooked up with. Now "Jonny" and I have been invited to a friends' night out. FML

#20659041
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15161) - you deserved it (57886)

On 05/12/2013 at 5:09pm - love - by forever alone - United Kingdom

Today, my dad walked in on me lying down with my cat, eating ice cream, watching The Notebook with tears in my eyes. As if that's not bad enough, I'm a guy. FML

#20659040
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41765) - you deserved it (16068)

On 05/12/2013 at 5:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my daughter posted a beautiful, touching status on my Facebook wall for Mother's Day. It wasn't so touching that she'd just copied and pasted the one I wrote for her grandmother and sent it back to me, unedited. FML

#20658557
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37013) - you deserved it (3115)

On 05/12/2013 at 1:21pm - love - by mothers (woman) - United States

Today, while I was out shopping, a fairly hideous-looking woman stormed up to me and accused me of ogling her, saying, "As if I'd ever date you!" Less than a minute later, she'd somehow managed to bully me into falsely admitting to it and apologizing. FML

#20658454
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32155) - you deserved it (11380)

On 05/12/2013 at 12:37pm - misc - by walmart: first time, last time (man) - United States

Today, I agreed to help out my 4-year crush with his senior prank which is to pretend we are dating for 1 day to freak everyone out. Glad to know dating me is prank worthy. FML

#20658208
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51185) - you deserved it (7305)

On 05/12/2013 at 10:08am - love - by turdtonomor9 - United States

Today, my sisters and I pitched together nearly $500 to send my mom to the spa for Mother's Day. We put the printed sheet with her info into a little box with our card on top. When she opened it, she freaked out and started hugging my dad. Turns out he switched the cards and took all the credit. FML

#20658076
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50649) - you deserved it (2992)

On 05/12/2013 at 8:09am - misc - by lachaisse - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was eating a mystery flavored candy and I had an allergic reaction. Not only did I have to go to the hospital because my throat swelled up, but I still don't know what I'm allergic to. FML

#20657778
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41853) - you deserved it (3252)

On 05/12/2013 at 1:20am - health - by those_allergies - United States (Oregon)

Today, I asked my father if he was proud that I have never done drugs, never drank alcohol, never had sex, never had psychological problems, never been to the hospital for something serious, never been in a fight and maintain good grades. He told me I was a boring daughter. FML

#20657738
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45580) - you deserved it (15990)

On 05/12/2013 at 1:01am - misc - by peallow (woman) - Puerto Rico

Today, my little brothers wouldn't stop teasing me over the fact that I'm a virgin and they are not. They are 13 and 16, I'm 22. What's worse? My dad quickly joined them. FML

#20657675
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51015) - you deserved it (6143)

On 05/12/2013 at 12:35am - misc - by lamsolonely - United States



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