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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 29 January 1990 (26 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 382
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About jesuslover5000 : I never know what to write in this section… and honestly I don't really care enough to write anything worthwhile or interesting so I think I will just keep on rambling until I get bored of typing. Furthermore, if you are still reading this, what are you doing with your life? And… bored.

jesuslover5000's page activity

Visits<b>Cbnotme</b> - the 06/19/2016 at 9:26am<b>notabeachbabe</b> - the 05/25/2014 at 1:15pm<b>sirsquab</b> - the 10/12/2013 at 4:03am<b>jadeluv</b> - the 09/01/2013 at 10:08pm<b>mcm_3</b> - the 08/31/2013 at 12:13pm<b>Danny5146</b> - the 08/25/2013 at 10:56pm<b>awesome1_4ever</b> - the 08/17/2013 at 2:21am<b>SlapAndTickle</b> - the 08/12/2013 at 5:19am<b>bmon</b> - the 05/18/2013 at 2:02pm<b>Brandonep2013</b> - the 05/17/2013 at 4:56pm<b>FightMyLiger</b> - the 05/17/2013 at 5:01am<b>yahoowizard</b> - the 05/17/2013 at 4:49am<b>PhotoSmith</b> - the 05/17/2013 at 3:03am<b>Kinoster</b> - the 05/17/2013 at 2:46am<b>dead_insects</b> - the 05/14/2013 at 1:53am<b>MythicalPanda</b> - the 04/20/2013 at 8:58am<b>BILBOBAGGINS666</b> - the 04/19/2013 at 9:28pm<b>gc327072</b> - the 04/19/2013 at 11:47am

jesuslover5000's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

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jesuslover5000's favorite FMLs

Today, on the bus, a little boy gave me the dirtiest look, pointed at my pregnant stomach, and menacingly said, "I know what you did." FML

by Anonymous / 07/11/2014 at 7:03am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I was waiting in line at a clothes store when someone cut in in front of me, and the gentlemen in front of me. I shouted, "Hey! Queue starts back here!". He responded by pointing out the "gentlemen" in front was actually a very realistic mannequin. FML

by QueueJumper / 02/10/2014 at 7:45pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home from a night out with the lads. My girlfriend refused to make love to me, saying my sperm were drunk and would raise hell in her uterus. FML

by vegas-81 / 02/09/2014 at 10:39pm / France / Intimacy

Today, I took my 4-year-old son to the bank with me. He asked why we were going, and I explained that I had a couple of checks that they would turn into money. When we got in line, he loudly exclaimed that "Mommy has checks for money!" Except "checks" sounded almost exactly like "sex". FML

by Anonymous / 09/10/2013 at 2:30pm / United States (Tennessee) / Kids

Today, while training a new employee, I had to run after a naked guy chasing a hooker at the hotel I work at. I made him go back to his room, while she offered me a good time for 300 bucks. The trainee left and hasn't come back yet. FML

by Awkward / 08/22/2013 at 7:50pm / United States / Work

Today, I was at the park playing Frisbee with my friends, when I saw a boy sitting on a bench looking rather sad. "Hey!" I yelled, and he looked up at me. I lightly threw the Frisbee in his direction, and it hit him in the face. He was blind. FML

by WasntMe / 07/17/2013 at 7:15pm / United States / Kids

Today, one of my elderly swimming students ran into me at Walmart. Being a polite teenager, I said hi to him. He looked at me surprised and said, "Oh dear! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on!" I'll never forget the look on his wife's face. FML

by Anonymous / 03/09/2013 at 2:02am / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and using his foot to push me off the bed. FML

by Saradee / 12/23/2012 at 11:55pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML

by kinkicali / 11/20/2012 at 3:43am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend looked me straight in the eye and said, "I know about the sea turtles." I asked her what she was talking about and she said, "Next time, shut up or I'll show you pain." I have no idea what she's talking about. FML

by Anonymous / 11/19/2012 at 8:15pm / United States / Love

Today, was the day my girlfriend and I tried to 69 for the first time. Today is also the day I learned that I'm physically incapable of maintaining an erection after someone farts in my face. FML

by Anonymous / 11/14/2012 at 4:28pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy