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jesuslover5000

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jesuslover5000

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 29 January 1990 (24 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 184
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About jesuslover5000 : I never know what to write in this section… and honestly I don't really care enough to write anything worthwhile or interesting so I think I will just keep on rambling until I get bored of typing. Furthermore, if you are still reading this, what are you doing with your life? And… bored.

jesuslover5000's page activity

Visits<b>notabeachbabe</b> - the 05/25/2014 at 1:15pm<b>sirsquab</b> - the 10/12/2013 at 4:03am<b>jadeluv</b> - the 09/01/2013 at 10:08pm<b>mcm_3</b> - the 08/31/2013 at 12:13pm<b>Danny5146</b> - the 08/25/2013 at 10:56pm<b>awesome1_4ever</b> - the 08/17/2013 at 2:21am<b>SlapAndTickle</b> - the 08/12/2013 at 5:19am<b>bmon</b> - the 05/18/2013 at 2:02pm<b>Brandonep2013</b> - the 05/17/2013 at 4:56pm<b>FightMyLiger</b> - the 05/17/2013 at 5:01am<b>yahoowizard</b> - the 05/17/2013 at 4:49am<b>PhotoSmith</b> - the 05/17/2013 at 3:03am<b>Kinoster</b> - the 05/17/2013 at 2:46am<b>dead_insects</b> - the 05/14/2013 at 1:53am<b>MythicalPanda</b> - the 04/20/2013 at 8:58am<b>BILBOBAGGINS666</b> - the 04/19/2013 at 9:28pm<b>gc327072</b> - the 04/19/2013 at 11:47am<b>RacialTension</b> - the 04/19/2013 at 12:36am

jesuslover5000's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

See all of jesuslover5000's badges

jesuslover5000's favorite FMLs

Today, on the bus, a little boy gave me the dirtiest look, pointed at my pregnant stomach, and menacingly said, "I know what you did." FML

#21205823
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50661) - you deserved it (6634)

On 07/11/2014 at 7:03am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was waiting in line at a clothes store when someone cut in in front of me, and the gentlemen in front of me. I shouted, "Hey! Queue starts back here!". He responded by pointing out the "gentlemen" in front was actually a very realistic mannequin. FML

#21056589
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34398) - you deserved it (15358)

On 02/10/2014 at 7:45pm - misc - by QueueJumper (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I came home from a night out with the lads. My girlfriend refused to make love to me, saying my sperm were drunk and would raise hell in her uterus. FML

#21055858
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45047) - you deserved it (14691) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/09/2014 at 10:39pm - intimacy - by vegas-81 - France

Today, I took my 4-year-old son to the bank with me. He asked why we were going, and I explained that I had a couple of checks that they would turn into money. When we got in line, he loudly exclaimed that "Mommy has checks for money!" Except "checks" sounded almost exactly like "sex". FML

#20875776
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47489) - you deserved it (4076)

On 09/10/2013 at 2:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, while training a new employee, I had to run after a naked guy chasing a hooker at the hotel I work at. I made him go back to his room, while she offered me a good time for 300 bucks. The trainee left and hasn't come back yet. FML

#20849812
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39055) - you deserved it (2784)

On 08/22/2013 at 7:50pm - work - by Awkward - United States

Today, I was at the park playing Frisbee with my friends, when I saw a boy sitting on a bench looking rather sad. "Hey!" I yelled, and he looked up at me. I lightly threw the Frisbee in his direction, and it hit him in the face. He was blind. FML

#20788974
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54655) - you deserved it (17030)

On 07/17/2013 at 7:15pm - kids - by WasntMe - United States

Today, one of my elderly swimming students ran into me at Walmart. Being a polite teenager, I said hi to him. He looked at me surprised and said, "Oh dear! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on!" I'll never forget the look on his wife's face. FML

#20536627
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37257) - you deserved it (2861)

On 03/09/2013 at 2:02am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and using his foot to push me off the bed. FML

#20417691
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55558) - you deserved it (9873)

On 12/23/2012 at 11:55pm - intimacy - by Saradee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML

#20170605
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13365) - you deserved it (31572)

On 11/20/2012 at 3:43am - intimacy - by kinkicali (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend looked me straight in the eye and said, "I know about the sea turtles." I asked her what she was talking about and she said, "Next time, shut up or I'll show you pain." I have no idea what she's talking about. FML

#20170012
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20785) - you deserved it (1944)

On 11/19/2012 at 8:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, was the day my girlfriend and I tried to 69 for the first time. Today is also the day I learned that I'm physically incapable of maintaining an erection after someone farts in my face. FML

#20163281
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47385) - you deserved it (6016)

On 11/14/2012 at 4:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)



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