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jessi_sunshine

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jessi_sunshine
  • Town/Country : Texas, USA
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 24 October 1996 (17 years)
  • Number of visits : 1342
  • Number of comments : 93
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About jessi_sunshine : "I am unextraordinary." --Hazel, The Fault in Our Stars, John Green

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jessi_sunshine's favorite FMLs

Today, out of partying reflex, I downed Communion wine like a vodka shot. FML

#20830409
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21969) - you deserved it (42572)

On 08/10/2013 at 6:05am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I got a call from my son's kindergarten teacher. Apparently my son asked a girl to marry him. After she said no, he stabbed her with a fork. FML

#20829995
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56973) - you deserved it (5169)

On 08/10/2013 at 12:02am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I asked out a guy at work that I really like. He just stared at me and said, "Honestly? I'd rather smash my balls with a mallet. No offense." FML

#20828908
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46552) - you deserved it (3807)

On 08/09/2013 at 10:54am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - France

Today, my husband and I were fooling around, and things got heated. In the heat of things, I told him to tear my panties off. He took it literally and yanked at them with all his might. It's been two hours and I still can't walk straight. FML

#20827713
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45754) - you deserved it (17112)

On 08/08/2013 at 6:15pm - intimacy - by fuck my arse (woman) - United Kingdom (Reading)

Today, my friends thought it would be fun to change my dad's name on my phone to my girlfriend's name. Guess who got an erotic text message when standing next to me while in the line to buy groceries. FML

#20826589
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44623) - you deserved it (7902)

On 08/08/2013 at 12:43am - misc - by AnnoyedByFriends -

Today, my mum picked up a bunch of tissues that were scattered around my room. She examined them, then asked me to stop wasting her potential grandchildren. FML

#20825949
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47171) - you deserved it (38762)

On 08/07/2013 at 6:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Egypt

Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He told me he'd ask his dad if it was okay. I thought he was just kidding, until he pulled out his phone and called his dad. After a few minutes of "come on, dad" and "but why?" he hung up and said his dad wouldn't let him. He's 22. FML

#20824090
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53933) - you deserved it (4435)

On 08/06/2013 at 4:35pm - love - by (._. ) (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, the window cleaner did his rounds at my house. I sat at my mirror applying makeup and doing my hair. When he came to my window, he yelled rather loudly, "Stop putting on a show for me, you dirty slut!" FML

#20823799
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44755) - you deserved it (5856)

On 08/06/2013 at 1:01pm - misc - by stillembarrassed (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter, who was born in late 2000, mentioned how amazing it is that she'll be alive during the year 3000. I asked her exactly how old she thinks she'll be by then. She said, "Thirty, duh." I've screwed up as a parent, so very badly. FML

#20823686
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53512) - you deserved it (12885)

On 08/06/2013 at 11:19am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I realized that my anger problems have gotten out of hand, when I shouted "Fuck you!" at my toaster. My mood swings and loneliness have also reached a new high, evidently, as my next actions were to apologize to the appliance and then continue talking to it. FML

#20823279
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41986) - you deserved it (8041)

On 08/06/2013 at 2:19am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my boss's dinner party. My sister, who also works with me, sat across from me at the table. I felt her kick me so I kicked her back. Then I heard something start crying. It was the boss's baby crawling under the table. FML

#20823157
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51217) - you deserved it (16880)

On 08/06/2013 at 1:07am - work - by offuckingcourse - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was going through my daughter's contacts, except all of them had names from Harry Potter. I found the name "Mom." I was relieved I didn't have some silly name, until I realized it wasn't my number; it was her father's new wife. My number was under "Voldemort." FML

#20726673
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43540) - you deserved it (17901)

On 06/15/2013 at 12:19am - kids - by Jill (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was riding a bike when a truck accidentally hit me. The handsome driver came out and asked if I was alright. I said, "I am now" and winked. He said "Eww, no" then immediately ran away and drove his truck around me. FML

#20724353
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38336) - you deserved it (24154)

On 06/13/2013 at 9:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I ordered some burgers at a fast food joint. When I said, "No lettuce," the cashier looked dumbfounded and asked, "What's that?" I literally had to say, "The green stuff" before she got it. I'm losing hope. FML

#20724048
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49300) - you deserved it (3314)

On 06/13/2013 at 6:12pm - misc - by thatisfuckedup - United Kingdom

Today, at my wedding, the minister forgot to skip the "does anyone object?" part. My mother stood up and gave a lengthy reason, which caused my future in-laws to start shouting. It turned into a small riot, and no, we're not married now. FML

#20721430
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60627) - you deserved it (3186)

On 06/12/2013 at 12:27pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)



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