About jesernoob : Looking to kill time.
Message me, please?
-I play drums.
I'm into a variety of bands such as August Burns Red, Enter Shikari, The Chariot and For Today.
- Also, I'm a romantic comedy kind of guy. ;) No horror/suspense/thriller movies thank you!
- Also, I can't dance to save my life.
About jesernoob : Looking to kill time.
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jesernoob's favorite FMLs
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for dinner. The first words out of my dad's mouth were apparently, "Ah, you must be Dan's slam-piece." I was in the living room and didn't quite catch it all, but I said, "She certainly is!" Now I'm single, and all my friends think I'm a bastard. FML
by igiveup / 06/21/2012 at 2:19pm / United States / Love
by Stu / 06/19/2012 at 5:59am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I received the photos my friend took of me proposing to my girlfriend. I'd proposed at the place we'd first met: the local zoo. When I looked them over, I noticed there was an elephant taking a poop in the background. FML
by Anonymous / 06/15/2012 at 1:12pm / United States (South Carolina) / Love
by Sir Vom-a-lot / 06/14/2012 at 12:28pm / United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire) / Love
by Brax / 05/30/2012 at 5:46am / United States / Intimacy
Today, after a surprise candlelit dinner and a two bottles of wine for my birthday, my boyfriend and I decided to take a sexy shower together. It ended with us both drunk, naked, and crying, wedged into a small tub together, talking about our dead pets. FML
by Anonymous / 05/30/2012 at 1:46am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML
by 504-A1 / 05/11/2012 at 6:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, my wife and I decided to try role-playing. I started cleaning the pool. waiting for her to come out and be sexy, but she never did. I'd cleaned the entire pool before going into the house to ask why she never came out. She said she tricked me into cleaning the pool. FML
by CantPublish / 04/12/2012 at 1:54pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by BookBabe / 03/25/2012 at 11:34am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I angrily tweeted about having fruitlessly searched for over an hour for my car keys. Minutes later, some guy told me to check beneath the "stack of skid-marked underwear" on my bedroom floor. I'm not sure if it was a lucky guess, or if I should start carrying mace. FML
by skid kid / 03/09/2012 at 9:09pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation
by jodibut / 02/06/2012 at 11:18am / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that he should sing that song that goes 'I'm too sexy for my shirt' when we have sex. Now, every time that we have sex, that song is going to be stuck in my head. FML
by tkr / 02/05/2012 at 10:14pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend sent me a sexy picture of herself in my boxers. I thought it would be funny to take a picture of myself in the thong she left in my room and send it to her. She thought it would be funnier on Facebook. FML
by kdeeeceee / 11/05/2011 at 3:25am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, after a great treadmill run at my gym, I noticed a stain on my clothing. Apparently my nipple chafed so badly that it bled through my white t-shirt, and I'd walked around the gym completely oblivious. FML
by sorenips / 10/03/2011 at 7:19pm / Canada (Quebec) / Health
by Username / 10/03/2011 at 1:58pm / United States / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…
- Today, I walked in on my dad's poker game. He didn't know I was there, and was telling his friends… Today, my boyfriend tried to be dominant during sex. It was so out of character for him, I couldn't… Today, my boyfriend still couldn't work out where my clitoris is. It's RIGHT THERE, you idiot. I've…