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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, as I was walking home, three burly men suddenly began to approach me. Thinking they were going to mug me, I reached for my pocketknife and said "Stay away, I have a knife." Turns out they just wanted directions to an ice cream shop for their daughters, who were now bawling their eyes out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8897) - you deserved it (36941)
On 09/17/2009 at 1:00am - kids - by almostmugged (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was at a stop light when I saw a cute police officer at the light across the intersection. Trying to be cute as I drove by, I turned and winked and waved. The car in front of me stopped, I rear ended them and then got rear ended. The cute cop winked back, then wrote me a ticket. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4995) - you deserved it (38061)
On 09/16/2009 at 4:08pm - misc - by Jennnn (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I am still coughing. I was diagnosed with whooping cough last week, which apparently cannot be treated. Basically, it appears I'm a 19th century English peasant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29710) - you deserved it (3012)
On 09/16/2009 at 1:33am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my boyfriend gave me a poem saying "Roses are red, violets are blue, rubbish is dumped and so are you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39811) - you deserved it (2962)
On 09/14/2009 at 5:41am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)
Today, I locked myself out of my car while I was putting mail in the mailbox. I could handle that. What I couldn't handle was watching as my car idled away a full tank of gas. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8523) - you deserved it (22612)
On 09/14/2009 at 4:33am - misc - by PostmanPat (man) - New Zealand (Otago)
Today, I realized that the shorts I have been wearing all day say "Juicy" on the ass. My name is John. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10146) - you deserved it (43632)
On 09/08/2009 at 9:33pm - misc - by JuicyJohn (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, my friends and I went to the beach and we were tanning when I suddenly saw 10 roses floating in the ocean. I went around to pick up all the roses and threw the petals at my friends. Then I notice a big boat of people in black and white were looking at me with disgust. It was a funeral. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12300) - you deserved it (35420)
On 09/06/2009 at 7:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I walked in on my parents doing it. Luckily they didn't see me so I slipped out. I looked outside, trying to take my mind of the horrors I had just witnessed, only to realize my dad's car wasn't in the driveway. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62693) - you deserved it (2452)
On 09/05/2009 at 6:11pm - kids - by WTF (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I thought it would be sexy to surprise my boyfriend by hiding in the closet naked and pouncing on him as he came to get his pants. I never got to the pouncing. Apparently my boyfriend has heightened reflexes so instead I got slapped hard across the face. My ear is still ringing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11759) - you deserved it (37753)
On 09/02/2009 at 7:19am - intimacy - by keepsmiling - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)
Today, I took my girlfriend to the movies. She's pretty conservative and I decided after four dates to give her her first ever kiss. As I leaned in she violently sneezed and hit me in the nose with the hand she brought up to cover her face. I broke my nose and got blood down her cleavage. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40940) - you deserved it (3094)
On 08/31/2009 at 9:12pm - love - by SaMike (man) - United States (South Dakota)
Today, I was strolling past an old women when from behind she called "can you help me get the rest of the groceries out of the car?" I approached the car, and helped her un-load bags. She began hitting me, screaming "SOMEONE IS STEALING MY THINGS". She was actually asking her son in the car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32430) - you deserved it (4343)
On 08/30/2009 at 11:32pm - misc - by LGFLIPSTER (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my boyfriend and I were starting to get in the mood. I get on top of him, lean down to kiss him, and he begins to laugh. Puzzled, I ask him why. He tells me that when I'm naked and on top of him, I remind him of a cow, with 'udders' . Offended, I go to get off. 'No no' he protests, 'a SEXY cow'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26074) - you deserved it (3493)
On 08/30/2009 at 7:35pm - intimacy - by sigh (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)
Today, I went to the movies with the girl I liked. She kept on eating my popcorn so I whispered in her ear "Pretty soon your going to have to repay me with kisses." Then she looked at me and walked out the theatre. She came back with a bucket of popcorn and said "Here, you're repaid." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27360) - you deserved it (30091)
On 08/30/2009 at 8:19am - love - by regected (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was sleeping in my apartment when I woke up to the smell of smoke. Alarmed, I ran out to the kitchen to find my roommates trying to put out a fire on the stove. As soon as they saw me, they ran for it, informing me that it was my problem now. They used my good frying pan. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32333) - you deserved it (2036)
On 08/29/2009 at 1:38am - misc - by chinesef000d (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was driving past a farm that always has 4 chickens walking around outside. It always cheers me up to see them, but I couldn't find them. I wasn't watching the road so I didn't see when I ran over all 4 chickens. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13213) - you deserved it (37339)
On 08/27/2009 at 4:53pm - animals - by chickenlover (man) - United States (Illinois)
Monday 17 June 2013
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