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jbean209

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jbean209
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 19 July 1995 (18 years)
  • Number of visits : 286
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About jbean209 : they call me jelly and i like it ... also im an internet troll half dah timr but im really a depressed kid on the inside :-(

jbean209's last visitors

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Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

jbean209's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend fingered me. He never cuts his nails. It felt like I was getting intimate with Wolverine. FML

#17107547
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41964) - you deserved it (10573)

On 07/14/2011 at 12:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML

#17088739
428 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66667) - you deserved it (6941)

On 07/13/2011 at 1:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend and I were playfully arguing about who loved the other more. After about a minute of this, my girlfriend walked over and kicked me in the crotch as hard as she could. She then said, "There, now you don't love me as much. I win." FML

#15539670
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41792) - you deserved it (14374)

On 03/28/2011 at 11:33pm - love - by ouch - United States (Arizona)

Today, my cat died while walking around the kitchen. He had a heart attack when the toaster popped out two slices of bread. FML

#14753781
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46236) - you deserved it (3810) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/29/2011 at 3:09am - animals - by Anonymous - France

Today, after suffering from constipation for three days, I finally took a dump. Just as things reached the point of no return, my land line and doorbell all rang. FML

#14752414
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21774) - you deserved it (2623)

On 01/29/2011 at 1:06am - health - by Poopie (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I found out that my best friend lost her virginity to my father. Her excuse? She was drunk. His excuse? "She's hot." FML

#13642352
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48081) - you deserved it (3556)

On 10/29/2010 at 9:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I got all four of my wisdom teeth removed. I went to see my boyfriend for comfort because I was in so much pain. The first thing he asked me when I saw him with huge cheeks? When would be the next time I could give him a blowjob. FML

#8771730
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16381) - you deserved it (3221)

On 03/02/2010 at 11:58am - intimacy - by fatcheeks (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, in a sporting goods store, my mom walked over to the other side of the store, when a cute guy came over to talk to me. When she saw this she grabbed a bat, walked over to us and said "If you ever even look at my daughter again, I will beat you shitless." She was serious. He ran. FML

#8354648
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24115) - you deserved it (1616)

On 02/16/2010 at 9:54pm - misc - by batter--up (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I learned that if you stare at your cat and her eyes suddenly get really big, it means she's going to maul your face. FML

#6355609
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12124) - you deserved it (21177)

On 11/18/2009 at 4:01pm - animals - by nycplywood (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was informed by my manager at work that there had been an 'accident' in the playground. I then had to crawl through tunnels designed for 5 year olds, to a tiny playroom with no fresh air, and clean up a stupid kid's pee and crap. FML

#5889597
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30115) - you deserved it (2770)

On 10/19/2009 at 12:10am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, while on the crapper, I learned that morphine has a nasty side-effect. It appears that it can cause a massive rock-hard piece of dung the size of a bus to form in your intestines. I went to the doctor, he handed me a glove and some laxatives and said "Have fun!" FML

#5846674
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23897) - you deserved it (2782)

On 10/15/2009 at 9:59pm - health - by Rob - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was stuck in traffic on the highway and decided it was the perfect time to pick a humongous booger out of my nose. While carefully examing and admiring it, I failed to notice that the owner of my company was staring at me from the left lane in complete and utter revulsion. FML

#5735299
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6670) - you deserved it (42010)

On 10/09/2009 at 3:09am - work - by whitedevil (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend sent me a naked picture of herself and I wish she hadn't. FML

#2955411
329 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26475) - you deserved it (68153)

On 06/16/2009 at 9:44pm - intimacy - by MisterSeth (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my best friend got a new boyfriend. She asked him what he wanted for his upcoming birthday, and he said he just wanted to hang out with her and watch a movie or two. I thought it was sweet, so I asked my boyfriend what he would like for his upcoming birthday. He said a blow job. FML

#1955875
297 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21887) - you deserved it (40388)

On 05/15/2009 at 1:44am - intimacy - by badboyfriends (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarreah in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping form and he rolled over to whisper, "I heard everthing." FML

#185544
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70535) - you deserved it (15302)

On 03/02/2009 at 4:51pm - love - by ohmygoodness (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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