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japtap81's favorite FMLs
Today, my girlfriend wanted to roleplay as a schoolgirl. I was excited, until we started and she asked me to lick her "vajayjay". I cringed so hard, my skull practically caved in. I broke down laughing while trying to explain my cringing. Now she's pissed and I'm blue-balled. FML
by Anonymous / 02/14/2015 at 12:47pm / Ireland / Intimacy
Today, during my first day as a medical intern in a new ward, I was performing a rectal exam. My supervisor thought it would be funny to burst into the room and scream, "Who are you?! You don't even work here, you pervert!" FML
Today, I took my new girlfriend to meet my grandmother. We were drinking coffee when my gran leaned to one side and let out a huge fart. Proud of herself, she added, "That one didn't pay his rent on time!" Coffee came out of my girlfriend's nose. FML
by jay ze punk / 01/29/2013 at 2:56pm / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Love
Today, while moving into my new place, I saw my new, elderly neighbor sitting on her porch. I cheerfully greeted her with, "Hello, how are you?" She simply rocked slowly in her chair and replied, "Just waiting to die." She was the most cheerful person I met all day. FML
by Kallian / 01/16/2013 at 6:22pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/14/2013 at 12:58pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/12/2013 at 12:57pm / Norway (Rogaland) / Love
by whitecollar / 12/04/2012 at 9:43pm / United Kingdom (York) / Work
Today, I had a date with a girl I'd been seeing for about a month. When I got home, I saw her facebook status changed to "In a relationship". This made me kind of excited, until I realized it wasn't with me. FML
by sadman / 02/05/2011 at 2:16am / United States (Virginia) / Love
by Anonymous / 02/04/2011 at 10:27pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Missy / 02/02/2011 at 1:16pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
Today, at a restaurant, I ordered the best chocolate soufflé on the menu, which was called "Double Satisfaction". The waiter asked me what would I like to order. The words that came out of my mouth were "Double Orgasm". FML
by theshameofit / 02/01/2011 at 12:42pm / Cyprus (Limassol) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend finally got a Facebook account. Too bad she doesn't know the difference between a wall post and a message. She just described how much she enjoyed our sex last night, in great detail. My mom liked it. FML
by anon / 01/31/2011 at 5:46pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by anonymous / 01/29/2011 at 7:41am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, my parents, not trusting me and my boyfriend, told us to call them in the middle of our movie so they could hear it, and prove we weren't up to no good. Well, I called. Just as a raging sex scene started. FML
by totallyscrewedomg / 01/25/2011 at 12:11pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I found my electric globe. It asks you where a state, country or city is and you would have to find it and click on it with the pen. I also found out that my parents would sneak into my room at night, take it and play 'strip-globe'. FML