About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.
itsalanis's FML badges
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
itsalanis's favorite FMLs
Today, I listened to my elderly bachelor neighbor moan, "Oh, kitty, kitty, kitty! Oh kitty!" for over half-an-hour before he wandered out on his balcony in wet, tight white underwear to water his plant. This is the fifth time this week, and I still don't know what on earth he's doing. FML
by Anonymous / 05/20/2013 at 11:56am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time. I was really excited to introduce her to my parents, until we found my mother waving around a wooden sword, and my father trying to shove my sister into the dryer. FML
by Mr_poole / 05/18/2013 at 4:06pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
Today, I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onions for his dish, he warned us to be ready for the "typical reactions". Everyone teared up. Meanwhile, I popped a boner. So much for typical. FML
by Anonymous / 05/16/2013 at 4:54pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
by asdffhhjk / 05/15/2013 at 4:08am / Philippines (Manila) / Miscellaneous
Today, the regional manager of my company came out to do some performance reviews. I was so nervous that my palms were sweaty, and when he reached out to shake my hand, I blurted out, "I'm sorry, you made me wet." FML
by Anonymous / 05/13/2013 at 8:01am / Australia (Queensland) / Work
by MrConcise / 05/01/2013 at 12:28pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anon / 04/22/2013 at 3:19am / Singapore / Miscellaneous
Today, it's my only day off work in a while. I told my boss I'd be available via phone in case of emergencies. So far I've been called three times: To ask how the fax works, to let me know it's a slow day, and to ask me where the letter R is on a keyboard. FML
by Anonymous / 04/19/2013 at 6:17am / Germany (Berlin) / Work
by KatiRozz1 / 04/17/2013 at 1:40pm / United Kingdom (Middlesbrough) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/17/2013 at 1:39am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by NiquetChrome / 04/14/2013 at 7:18pm / France / Miscellaneous
Today, I forgot to log out of my Facebook account before leaving for work. When I got back home, I discovered that my brother had gone through and commented "quack" on all my friend's duckfacing photos. She was not pleased. FML
by reallythough / 04/13/2013 at 2:07pm / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Miscellaneous
by Wow / 04/11/2013 at 8:52am / United States / Love
Today, my boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter, my boyfriend happily told the cashier, "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." FML
by Anonymous / 04/10/2013 at 12:28am / United States / Intimacy
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
by Anonymous / 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm / United States / Health