Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

itsalanis

Online | Search for a member

itsalanis

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 11 June 1992 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 6701
  • Number of comments : 179
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.

itsalanis's page activity

Visits<b>LilMsDulce</b> - the 06/22/2015 at 8:17am<b>w0nd3rl4nd</b> - the 06/17/2015 at 7:34am<b>Dexter83</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 2:06am<b>rnarshmallow</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 1:58am<b>juice_33</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 12:37am<b>martin8337</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 12:28am<b>Hildy93</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 12:20am<b>dantee2005</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 12:07am<b>sandman676</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 11:28pm<b>Replyka</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 9:36pm<b>ironhead</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 9:34pm<b>BakenWake420</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 9:10pm<b>FutBol_Fan_30</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 9:03pm<b>spockadelic</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 7:29pm<b>AraSmith</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 6:27pm<b>jgwyh</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 10:31am<b>jet223</b> - the 06/10/2015 at 11:16pm<b>devildog562</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 5:28pm

Fucked!<b>martin8337</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 6:28am<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 2:42am

itsalanis's FML badges

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of itsalanis's badges

itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, at an open mic comedy club, my jokes went down so poorly that someone decided to hurl a chair at me on-stage. FML

#20466782
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28556) - you deserved it (14733)

On 01/18/2013 at 7:26pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Iceland

Today, I came home to find my girlfriend crying. Concerned, I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understand why her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet, and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now, but for entirely different reasons. FML

#20462136
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36830) - you deserved it (3845)

On 01/16/2013 at 2:52am - misc - by WTF (man) -

Today, I walked into my mother's house to find that she had knitted clothes for some of the household appliances. The toaster was wearing a dress. FML

#20457945
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30887) - you deserved it (3356)

On 01/13/2013 at 10:00pm - misc - by anon - United States (Ohio)

Today, I took my grandma to what I thought was a nice movie. An actor used the word "cunt", which prompted her to ask what that word meant in a loud "whisper". She followed up even more loudly with, "Does that mean pussy?" FML

#20447919
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32605) - you deserved it (4537)

On 01/08/2013 at 12:10pm - misc - by troll of a gran - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I realized something: when other people are drunk, they dance around and make out with people. When I'm drunk, I apparently think it's a great idea to chew on electrical cords. FML

#20429355
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17701) - you deserved it (29687)

On 12/29/2012 at 2:30am - misc - by almostkilledmyself - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I was woken up by my dog scratching at my door. After a while of this, I finally got up to let her in. When I opened the door, she looked at me, threw up, and scurried away. FML

#20409045
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25593) - you deserved it (9281)

On 12/20/2012 at 2:50pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Spain (Canarias)

Today, my mother has stooped to a new level of "hiding" Christmas gifts. She now just dumps them in the middle of the floor and says, "Don't look at them." If she even thinks I'm glancing in the direction of the pile, she will burst into a manic rage, and yell at me for "ruining the surprise." FML

#20408692
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28172) - you deserved it (7373)

On 12/20/2012 at 8:57am - misc - by Mandy93 (woman) - Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz)

Today, my boyfriend grabbed my boob, shook it savagely, and shouted "Earthquake!" FML

#20404037
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32024) - you deserved it (8179)

On 12/17/2012 at 6:12pm - misc - by Ape (woman) - United States

Today, I saw my crush at the grocery store. He saw me and started walking towards me. I got so excited that I farted when he came near. FML

#20402614
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34240) - you deserved it (9205)

On 12/16/2012 at 7:58pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time; he asked me to explain my interest in dating her. In a mix of me trying to say "I want to be with your daughter" and "I want to be in your daughter's life" I got confused and said, "I want to be in your daughter." FML

#20198676
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34661) - you deserved it (6770)

On 12/10/2012 at 2:21am - love - by Tonguetied0496 (man) - United States (California)

Today, feeling very distant to my daughter recently, I decided to sneak a peek in her diary to see what was on her mind. The book was apparently one of those that play the sound of a woman screaming when opened improperly, and alerted everyone in the house to my actions. FML

#20196447
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5215) - you deserved it (54553)

On 12/08/2012 at 2:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my dad got a warning from our ISP for going well over their fair usage limit. I barely use our wifi, and I keep telling him he should password-protect our router to stop people leeching our Internet. He's blaming me anyway, and says I'm grounded until January. FML

#20195319
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24139) - you deserved it (1724)

On 12/07/2012 at 4:49pm - misc - by WPA2 OR DEATH (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I walked out of my apartment to see that someone had climbed onto the hood of my car and taken a shit on my windshield. I only moved in a couple of weeks ago. FML

#20189050
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22657) - you deserved it (1596)

On 12/03/2012 at 2:36am - misc - by poopsthegame - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my girlfriend looked me straight in the eye and said, "I know about the sea turtles." I asked her what she was talking about and she said, "Next time, shut up or I'll show you pain." I have no idea what she's talking about. FML

#20170012
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22058) - you deserved it (2067)

On 11/19/2012 at 8:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States



FML's blog

  • Tania's illustrated FML
  • Hi gang! How are you all doing? This week has been quite eventful for some people. Uber has been causing taxi drivers here and there to get their knickers in a twist, notable over here in France, which caused…

Friday 26 June 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: