About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to call me Alanis instead.
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100 kick ass comments
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Today, my cat pissed in my zen garden. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10370) - you deserved it (15173)
On 01/26/2011 at 9:48am - animals - by lizzy1843 - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, in dance class, the instructor asked me to demonstrate the splits to the group. I slid down, my legs opening wider as I descended. I then loudly farted for the full 5 seconds it took to reach the ground. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27424) - you deserved it (5072) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/17/2011 at 11:44am - misc - by SkinsCastSelection - Switzerland - Chosen by the cast of Skins
Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10776) - you deserved it (27387) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/17/2011 at 4:53am - misc - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins
Today, I bleached my hair. Not only did it fry, it also has a very noticeable green tint and because of the damage, I can't dye it again for a while. Now I keep getting asked "Why so serious?" by my friends. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7732) - you deserved it (20563)
On 01/16/2011 at 12:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Torbay)
Today, I kept finding ants crawling all over my face. After a while, I realized that they were all coming from my beard. I have had a population of ants living in my beard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8635) - you deserved it (39056)
On 12/28/2010 at 9:13pm - health - by ewicsmelly (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, as I got to my first class seat on an airplane, I saw the person I'd be sitting next to wafting the smell of her vagina towards herself and breathing in deeply. It's an eight hour flight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33420) - you deserved it (2638)
On 12/17/2010 at 8:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my sister and I were both on Facebook, updating our statuses. I set mine to "just got released from hospital with Baby Lily", as I'd had a baby earlier this week. My sister set hers to "menstrual blood smells like shrimp". Her status got 37 likes. Mine got none. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26309) - you deserved it (4936)
On 10/16/2010 at 8:31am - love - by married - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I took my dogs to an empty park. While they were running around, I laid down in the grass to read a book. Someone thought I was a dead body and called the cops. The police and paramedics showed up. This is the second time it's happened. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25895) - you deserved it (3254)
On 09/21/2010 at 8:00pm - animals - by tracie (woman) - United States (Kansas)
Today, I told my 3 year old daughter to behave or I'd spank her. She looked right at me and said "Bring it." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24811) - you deserved it (21135)
On 09/12/2010 at 9:38pm - kids - by Username - Sent from mobile version
Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31143) - you deserved it (7586)
On 09/11/2010 at 3:25pm - intimacy - by gorillalove - United States (Texas)
Today, my family and I attended a pool party. I never learned to swim, so I didn't bring a suit. When someone asked why I wasn't in the pool, my sister replied in a loud voice, "She's on her period and didn't want the pool to get dirty!" Thanks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24442) - you deserved it (3061)
On 09/08/2010 at 2:09pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Greece (Attiki)
Today, I found out that Whoopi Goldberg was NOT Oprah Winfrey's stage name. I was then laughed at for ages by my co-workers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4565) - you deserved it (38187)
On 09/01/2010 at 12:30am - misc - by MisterMisinformed - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my boyfriend questioned why I always put my shirts in the dryer right before wearing them. I told him it was because the dryer causes my shirts to regain their form and tightness. His response: "You should throw your vagina in there along with them." FML
I agree, your life sucks (32864) - you deserved it (11290)
On 08/30/2010 at 1:51pm - intimacy - by FYouBoyfriend (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, it was really hot in my house so I pulled my shorts down so I was just in my boxers. My family and I were watching tv and I got a spontaneous erection. When I discreetly tried to pull my shorts back up, my penis flipped out of my boxers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28665) - you deserved it (19840)
On 08/28/2010 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Sicko - Sent from mobile version
Today, while leaving a restaurant, a little boy grabbed onto my leg and screamed, "Mommy! Don't leave me!" Then he looked up at my face, said, "Ewww," and ran away screaming in fear. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25798) - you deserved it (2959)
On 08/20/2010 at 6:36pm - misc - by superconfused16 (woman) - United States (New York)
Monday 20 May 2013
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