Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

itsalanis

Online | Search for a member

itsalanis

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 June 1992 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3019
  • Number of comments : 162
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to call me Alanis instead.

itsalanis's page activity

Visits<b>ctck</b> - 7 hours ago<b>RandEm2497</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 9:06pm<b>crushcrusher</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 7:08pm<b>Dro23</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 1:08pm<b>edvin</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 11:41am<b>shaquizzy18</b> - the 08/26/2014 at 11:19am<b>sythe511</b> - the 08/23/2014 at 7:58pm<b>GentlemanBastard</b> - the 08/23/2014 at 12:58pm<b>Rernokk</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 3:48am<b>Miss_Brii</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 5:06pm<b>KazuTrumpet1512</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 4:03am<b>Aleys</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 8:46pm<b>Clay_Pidgeon</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 6:17pm<b>gantoman</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 5:43pm<b>tea_brewer</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 4:53pm<b>siberianhamster</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 10:51am<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 10:35am<b>arrrrrlennie</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 4:10am

itsalanis's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of itsalanis's badges

itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and best friend making out. His explanation was that he was trying to stop her from having an allergic reaction to peanut butter. FML

#20118571
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24724) - you deserved it (1596)

On 10/15/2012 at 8:04pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was cooking something I knew would make a lot of smoke, so I asked my teenage daughter to tape a bag over the smoke detector. She said she did, so I cooked; the alarm went off and firemen came. She hadn't taped over the smoke detector, she'd taped it over the doorbell. FML

#20106895
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21771) - you deserved it (4088)

On 10/08/2012 at 1:31am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I saw on my 17-year-old daughter's floor her "To-Do" list. What was #1? Jump in front of a moving vehicle, in hopes that Edward Cullen will use his vampire speed to save her. FML

#20102155
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28905) - you deserved it (3598)

On 10/04/2012 at 10:45pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, after eight months of unemployment, I finally started at my new night job. Shortly after walking in, my boss came up behind me, whispered "hooorse dicksss" in my ear, and walked off without another word. I am terrified. FML

#20094121
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21636) - you deserved it (1750)

On 09/29/2012 at 8:11pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I unintentionally moaned during my prostate exam. FML

#20092313
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32523) - you deserved it (6546)

On 09/28/2012 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands (Gelderland)

Today, I walked in to my apartment to see my husband sitting there with his toes painted pink. When I asked him why, he said, "I wanted to feel pretty." This is the man who is about to be the father of my child. FML

Today, I got sent to the principal's office because my Dad decided that instead of signing his name, he would sign, "Ms. Bigtits", because he wanted to make sure the teachers were paying attention to what their students handed in. FML

#20088535
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21315) - you deserved it (1476)

On 09/25/2012 at 7:20pm - misc - by PerpetuallyHappy (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out my little brother is a highly committed Nazi. He goes to meetings and everything, my parents think it's great he is "getting out and developing a social life." FML

#20078083
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28266) - you deserved it (1700)

On 09/18/2012 at 5:46pm - misc - by he is going to hell (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my nitwit son infected our family computer with some sort of mad bastard virus after getting fooled by the promise of some non-existent Hannah Montana nudes. FML

#20076697
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22004) - you deserved it (2615)

On 09/17/2012 at 7:25pm - kids - by StupidBerk (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was finally paid back by a friend who wrote a check out. Not really looking at it, I went to the bank to deposit it. As I handed it to the teller, I noticed that he had written "sex" in the "for" memo. FML

#20074336
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20433) - you deserved it (3518)

On 09/16/2012 at 9:46am - money - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML

#20071482
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15299) - you deserved it (25409)

On 09/14/2012 at 10:50am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I had my girlfriend over to meet my parents. After dinner, we were in the living room talking. My dad thought it would be funny to grab our cat, stick it down his shirt, then pretend to give birth to it, with sound effects. FML

#20070030
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22064) - you deserved it (2061)

On 09/13/2012 at 8:37am - misc - by Sprtsgeek13 - United States (Maine)

Today, I decided to be a gentleman and let an old lady have my seat on the bus. Before I could even get up, she sat on my lap and wouldn't get off. I got an involuntary lap dance from a grandma. FML

Today, during my uncle's funeral, my four year old loudly asked, "Where's all the dead people?" FML

#20061073
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18618) - you deserved it (2118)

On 09/06/2012 at 9:56pm - kids - by Chouse - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. Right as she orgasmed, she screamed out Megatron's name. When I later confronted her about this, she said that she always had a crush on him and wanted to be queen of the Decepticons. I've been dating this lunatic for a year and half now. FML

#20056354
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17984) - you deserved it (23306)

On 09/03/2012 at 9:02pm - intimacy - by Loserbot (man) - United States (Florida)



FML's blog

  • Jim Trim's Illustrated FML
  • Action stations! I'm back from my holiday, I've got some sort of weirdly uneven tan and I already want to go back to the beach to bum about and finish off my colouring book. But I can't. I'm still…

Friday 29 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: