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itsalanis

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itsalanis

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 11 June 1992 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 6724
  • Number of comments : 179
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.

itsalanis's page activity

Visits<b>LilMsDulce</b> - the 06/22/2015 at 8:17am<b>w0nd3rl4nd</b> - the 06/17/2015 at 7:34am<b>Dexter83</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 2:06am<b>rnarshmallow</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 1:58am<b>juice_33</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 12:37am<b>martin8337</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 12:28am<b>Hildy93</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 12:20am<b>dantee2005</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 12:07am<b>sandman676</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 11:28pm<b>Replyka</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 9:36pm<b>ironhead</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 9:34pm<b>BakenWake420</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 9:10pm<b>FutBol_Fan_30</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 9:03pm<b>spockadelic</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 7:29pm<b>AraSmith</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 6:27pm<b>jgwyh</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 10:31am<b>jet223</b> - the 06/10/2015 at 11:16pm<b>devildog562</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 5:28pm

Fucked!<b>martin8337</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 6:28am<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 2:42am

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itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, at work, I walked in on a disoriented elderly woman eating nachos and cheese off the bathroom floor. She wasn't wearing any pants. FML

#20548521
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34279) - you deserved it (2896)

On 03/17/2013 at 11:14pm - work - by Ihatemyjob (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I picked up my new car. The dealer offered to connect my iPhone to the Bluetooth system for me. Once connected it automatically started playing the audiobook I had been listening to over the stereo system. Right on a passage which had an extremely graphic description of anal sex. FML

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, and I excitedly called my mother to tell her about our engagement. She half-heartedly said, "Aww, that's nice", before changing the topic to what she'd found in her turd earlier. FML

#20534623
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33994) - you deserved it (2409)

On 03/07/2013 at 12:10pm - love - by it's shitty, yeah, stfu (man) - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)

Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML

#20532616
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42198) - you deserved it (3954)

On 03/05/2013 at 7:07pm - kids - by cjw - United States

Today, my wife packed my lunch. Inside of my lunchbox was a photo of her eating my sandwiches. FML

#20526564
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35675) - you deserved it (6803)

On 03/01/2013 at 2:18am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom tried to convince my dad that I was a lesbian. Why? Because she was bored. FML

#20521518
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31467) - you deserved it (3476)

On 02/25/2013 at 11:14am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I lost a bet with my friends. I had to go to the super market and buy a copy of 50 Shades of Grey along with a cucumber. The cashier was trying so hard not to laugh while ringing me up. FML

#20516035
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39424) - you deserved it (10398)

On 02/21/2013 at 8:43am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, while I was in the shower, my boyfriend decided to join me. We were really getting into it and he attempted to lift me up. Not only did I let out a massive fart, he slipped and fell on top of me. He won't stop laughing. FML

#20513159
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43216) - you deserved it (9417)

On 02/19/2013 at 3:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, it's my boyfriend's birthday. He really likes Legend of Zelda, so I put on a Link hat, took my clothes off, and waited for him at his place. He came home with a hooker. FML

#20502217
175 comments

Today, I found a cup full of urine in the bathtub. No one in my family knows where it came from. This is the second time it's happened. FML

#20498051
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31131) - you deserved it (2440)

On 02/08/2013 at 10:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while trucking, I got stuck in traffic on a congested highway. After 15 minutes of mind-numbing boredom, I glanced down at the car beside me, only to witness the driver changing her tampon and flicking the old one onto the highway. I can't unsee this. FML

#20489402
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60068) - you deserved it (3693)

On 02/01/2013 at 8:01pm - intimacy - by thoughtidseenitall (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was trying to sleep away a fever, when my grandma woke me up. She was sitting next to me, shoving gummy bears into my mouth until I started choking. She laughed, ran away, and denied everything. FML

#20486320
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36212) - you deserved it (2992)

On 01/30/2013 at 2:59pm - health - by cay - United States (New York)

Today, it's been two months since I got a kitten. He loves to hide, and then surprise me by jumping out of his hiding place. It was quite a surprise when he launched himself out of my bag during class. FML

#20483320
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48336) - you deserved it (6222) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/28/2013 at 2:52pm - animals - by Kitten_Love - Sent from mobile version

Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML

#20482313
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38659) - you deserved it (2542)

On 01/27/2013 at 11:36pm - kids - by andy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after making love to my boyfriend for the first time, he shook my hand and said, "Good job." FML

#20481657
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39277) - you deserved it (7908)

On 01/27/2013 at 5:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)



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