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itsalanis

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itsalanis
  • Town/Country : Denver, USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 June 1992 (21 years)
  • Number of visits : 1923
  • Number of comments : 141
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to call me Alanis instead.

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itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, after making love to my boyfriend for the first time, he shook my hand and said, "Good job." FML

#20481657
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36533) - you deserved it (7569)

On 01/27/2013 at 5:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, at an open mic comedy club, my jokes went down so poorly that someone decided to hurl a chair at me on-stage. FML

#20466782
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24860) - you deserved it (13587)

On 01/18/2013 at 7:26pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Iceland

Today, I came home to find my girlfriend crying. Concerned, I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understand why her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet, and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now, but for entirely different reasons. FML

#20462136
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31831) - you deserved it (3396)

On 01/16/2013 at 2:52am - misc - by WTF (man) -

Today, I walked into my mother's house to find that she had knitted clothes for some of the household appliances. The toaster was wearing a dress. FML

#20457945
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27691) - you deserved it (3048)

On 01/13/2013 at 10:00pm - misc - by anon - United States (Ohio)

Today, I took my grandma to what I thought was a nice movie. An actor used the word "cunt", which prompted her to ask what that word meant in a loud "whisper". She followed up even more loudly with, "Does that mean pussy?" FML

#20447919
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29451) - you deserved it (4215)

On 01/08/2013 at 12:10pm - misc - by troll of a gran - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I realized something: when other people are drunk, they dance around and make out with people. When I'm drunk, I apparently think it's a great idea to chew on electrical cords. FML

#20429355
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16039) - you deserved it (27082)

On 12/29/2012 at 2:30am - misc - by almostkilledmyself - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I was woken up by my dog scratching at my door. After a while of this, I finally got up to let her in. When I opened the door, she looked at me, threw up, and scurried away. FML

#20409045
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22045) - you deserved it (8892)

On 12/20/2012 at 2:50pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Spain (Canarias)

Today, my mother has stooped to a new level of "hiding" Christmas gifts. She now just dumps them in the middle of the floor and says, "Don't look at them." If she even thinks I'm glancing in the direction of the pile, she will burst into a manic rage, and yell at me for "ruining the surprise." FML

#20408692
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25350) - you deserved it (7154)

On 12/20/2012 at 8:57am - misc - by Mandy93 (woman) - Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz)

Today, my boyfriend grabbed my boob, shook it savagely, and shouted "Earthquake!" FML

#20404037
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29257) - you deserved it (7835)

On 12/17/2012 at 6:12pm - misc - by Ape (woman) - United States

Today, I saw my crush at the grocery store. He saw me and started walking towards me. I got so excited that I farted when he came near. FML

#20402614
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32294) - you deserved it (8847)

On 12/16/2012 at 7:58pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time; he asked me to explain my interest in dating her. In a mix of me trying to say "I want to be with your daughter" and "I want to be in your daughter's life" I got confused and said, "I want to be in your daughter." FML

#20198676
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29593) - you deserved it (5899)

On 12/10/2012 at 2:21am - love - by Tonguetied0496 (man) - United States (California)

Today, feeling very distant to my daughter recently, I decided to sneak a peek in her diary to see what was on her mind. The book was apparently one of those that play the sound of a woman screaming when opened improperly, and alerted everyone in the house to my actions. FML

#20196447
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4818) - you deserved it (52506)

On 12/08/2012 at 2:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I walked out of my apartment to see that someone had climbed onto the hood of my car and taken a shit on my windshield. I only moved in a couple of weeks ago. FML

#20189050
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17043) - you deserved it (1165)

On 12/03/2012 at 2:36am - misc - by poopsthegame - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my girlfriend looked me straight in the eye and said, "I know about the sea turtles." I asked her what she was talking about and she said, "Next time, shut up or I'll show you pain." I have no idea what she's talking about. FML

#20170012
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18044) - you deserved it (1711)

On 11/19/2012 at 8:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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