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itsalanis

Offline (the 07/30/2015 at 11:46pm) | Search for a member

itsalanis

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 June 1992 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 7048
  • Number of comments : 182
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.

itsalanis's page activity

Visits<b>moondoggie</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 11:54pm<b>sma30135</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 2:06am<b>Atheepic</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 4:30pm<b>wil1029</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 1:22pm<b>leeleeamber</b> - the 07/08/2015 at 3:46am<b>BunchieRules</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 9:53pm<b>jbizzle1987</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 9:01pm<b>SecretSociety7</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 12:54am<b>burnsky</b> - the 07/06/2015 at 11:00pm<b>MagicFez</b> - the 07/06/2015 at 10:15pm<b>monzu</b> - the 07/06/2015 at 7:36pm<b>Bloodknight</b> - the 07/06/2015 at 7:13pm<b>xman98</b> - the 07/06/2015 at 5:15pm<b>amine91</b> - the 07/06/2015 at 4:09pm<b>TheCookieComet</b> - the 07/06/2015 at 3:00pm<b>Lct1196</b> - the 07/06/2015 at 2:27pm<b>jacob_coryell98</b> - the 07/06/2015 at 2:18pm<b>victorsaurus01</b> - the 07/06/2015 at 2:17pm

Fucked!<b>martin8337</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 6:28am<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 2:42am

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itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, I ran out of clean boxers. Thinking nobody would find out, I snatched a pair of my wife's panties. Later, we had a cook out for my birthday, where some of my old pals thought it would be funny to pants me. FML

#20721670
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37709) - you deserved it (68497)

On 06/12/2013 at 2:39pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I let my step-father know exactly what I thought of him. After a few moments of awkward silence, he leaned towards me and quietly whispered, "Well you're adopted. Your parents never loved you." FML

#20707377
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54765) - you deserved it (13589)

On 06/05/2013 at 11:24am - misc - by SkeetinKeaton (man) - United States

Today, I witnessed a large woman pee on a pregnancy test in the middle of a Walmart parking lot, clean herself off, then wander around with the test hanging out of her mouth, waiting for her result. Where in the name of Christ do these people come from? FML

#20701323
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69766) - you deserved it (4272)

On 06/02/2013 at 2:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I fainted. Instead of stopping to help, some guy stopped to draw a penis on my forehead. The EMT laughed. FML

#20692945
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46868) - you deserved it (3467)

On 05/29/2013 at 11:21am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I had to make a poster for social studies. I decided to write "Nice ass" in hieroglyphics. Turns out my teacher can read hieroglyphics. FML

#20691781
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23115) - you deserved it (47866)

On 05/28/2013 at 7:42pm - work - by Amber - United States (California)

Today, I was sending intimate pictures to my girlfriend and accidentally sent one to my best friend. He sent me one back. FML

#20690661
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56223) - you deserved it (33028)

On 05/28/2013 at 1:44am - intimacy - by Abrams52 (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was sending intimate pictures to my girlfriend and accidentally sent one to my best friend. He sent me one back. FML

#20690661
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56223) - you deserved it (33028)

On 05/28/2013 at 1:44am - intimacy - by Abrams52 (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML

#20689805
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46139) - you deserved it (3453)

On 05/27/2013 at 6:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, on my way home on my motorbike from a great party in the early hours of the morning, I was feeling pretty good about myself. Riding over a hill, I yawned in anticipation of climbing into bed. A huge winged bastard insect thing then flew straight into my throat. FML

#20689016
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46871) - you deserved it (8708)

On 05/27/2013 at 9:42am - animals - by Nearly Crashed (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I listened to my elderly bachelor neighbor moan, "Oh, kitty, kitty, kitty! Oh kitty!" for over half-an-hour before he wandered out on his balcony in wet, tight white underwear to water his plant. This is the fifth time this week, and I still don't know what on earth he's doing. FML

#20675279
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40816) - you deserved it (3093)

On 05/20/2013 at 11:56am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time. I was really excited to introduce her to my parents, until we found my mother waving around a wooden sword, and my father trying to shove my sister into the dryer. FML

#20671220
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45685) - you deserved it (4836)

On 05/18/2013 at 4:06pm - love - by Mr_poole (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onions for his dish, he warned us to be ready for the "typical reactions". Everyone teared up. Meanwhile, I popped a boner. So much for typical. FML

#20667353
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52160) - you deserved it (8955)

On 05/16/2013 at 4:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I saw a coin on the ground. As I bent over to pick it up, some dude came up from behind, grabbed my waist and humped me three times. He ran away before I could get a good look at his face. FML

#20664572
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52100) - you deserved it (8994)

On 05/15/2013 at 4:08am - misc - by asdffhhjk (man) - Philippines (Manila)

Today, the regional manager of my company came out to do some performance reviews. I was so nervous that my palms were sweaty, and when he reached out to shake my hand, I blurted out, "I'm sorry, you made me wet." FML

#20660456
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48188) - you deserved it (9197)

On 05/13/2013 at 8:01am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I realized my favorite pen advertises a vaginal cream. I've been letting people borrow it for months. FML

#20634740
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38334) - you deserved it (8388)

On 05/01/2013 at 12:28pm - misc - by MrConcise (man) - United States



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