About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to call me Alanis instead.
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100 kick ass comments
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Today, my husband left his laptop logged in to a chat site after leaving for work. Curious, I read some of the logs, and discovered he has been posing as a woman and holding filthy conversations with "hot teen lesbians" for the past several months. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37017) - you deserved it (4340)
On 12/24/2011 at 4:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I had my first kiss with the woman I've been in love with for two years. Right as I kissed her, some guys drove by in a car and threw some soggy spaghetti at me, yelling, "Noob!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (25907) - you deserved it (2316)
On 12/23/2011 at 5:53am - love - by johncabbot25 (man) - Canada
Today, I was cuddling up on the couch with my girlfriend, when my drunken mother walked in the room, slurred out, "Room for one more?" and leaped on top of us. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25723) - you deserved it (2003)
On 12/09/2011 at 2:38pm - love - by Vince (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I went out in a storm to collect my wheelie bin, which had flown down the street. On the way back to my house, I realised my door had slammed shut and locked behind me. That's okay though, a trampoline decided to smash my window and let me in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23746) - you deserved it (1878)
On 12/08/2011 at 1:57pm - misc - by mattdevil - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)
Today, I got kicked in the crotch by a horse in my backyard. I don't own a horse. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27018) - you deserved it (2017)
On 12/06/2011 at 11:54am - animals - by Rash (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34078) - you deserved it (11973)
On 12/04/2011 at 8:30pm - intimacy - by Rumpkis (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was casually shopping at Walmart. Everything was normal until the young guy browsing the aisle next to me suddenly approached me and whispered "sperm" into my ear. My spine has never experienced a chill like this one before. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24471) - you deserved it (2851)
On 11/30/2011 at 10:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, while I was in the shower, my very drunken mother came home. She then barged into the shower with me, still completely clothed, and gave me the longest, most awkward hug of a lifetime. After she left me still in shock, she came back and did it again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23170) - you deserved it (2032)
On 11/24/2011 at 10:12pm - misc - by hannahlorraine - United States
Today, while working at my local supermarket, a customer threw a turkey at me because we "should have bigger ones." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22139) - you deserved it (1810)
On 11/24/2011 at 11:46am - work - by Justforlolz - United States (New York)
Today, my son asked me where babies come from. I told him, "From god." He came back with, "Daddy said it was from fucking." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29634) - you deserved it (16881)
On 11/15/2011 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by lababy - United States
Today, my girlfriend and I had dinner at my boss's house. Just before we were ready to eat, my girlfriend came to me with a desperate look in her eyes. Apparently, she took a dump, clogged the toilet, and it flooded. I took the hit for her, and now my boss thinks I'm a jackass. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31500) - you deserved it (3522)
On 11/09/2011 at 12:59am - love - by kdeeeceee - United States
Today, my girlfriend thinks my house is filled with ghosts. She can only hear them when I fart. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17969) - you deserved it (3901)
On 11/03/2011 at 7:48am - misc - by Tyler Smith - United States
Today, my parents got rid of our detachable shower head. Looks like I'm single again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21829) - you deserved it (22976)
Today, while I was on the up escalator, a small woman in front of me farted directly into my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25045) - you deserved it (2148)
On 10/02/2011 at 2:36am - misc - by Emmy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20954) - you deserved it (5505)
On 09/30/2011 at 10:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Monday 20 May 2013
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