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itsalanis

Offline (18 hours ago) | Search for a member

itsalanis

5Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 June 1992 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 8114
  • Number of comments : 227
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.

itsalanis's page activity

Visits<b>battousai1995</b> - 17 hours ago<b>ievster</b> - 22 hours ago<b>Steffi3</b> - 24 hours ago<b>22JB</b> - the 02/06/2016 at 3:49pm<b>lenardMcCravits</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 8:20pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 01/17/2016 at 11:47am<b>invadermaythe1st</b> - the 01/17/2016 at 8:08am<b>ChippyChoppy</b> - the 01/15/2016 at 5:28am<b>OwlsMakeBowels</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 10:57am<b>wolfchick1709</b> - the 01/02/2016 at 3:55am<b>PDSot</b> - the 12/28/2015 at 7:59pm<b>vsus98</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 5:25pm<b>sythe511</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 1:59pm<b>Seabass_Chan</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 2:47am<b>Lalala579121</b> - the 12/06/2015 at 9:33pm<b>Sansa_Kroma</b> - the 12/05/2015 at 11:46pm<b>2C0OL4SCH0OL</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 12:24am<b>Senra</b> - the 11/15/2015 at 12:46am

Fucked!<b>Seabass_Chan</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 8:47am<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/06/2015 at 5:43am<b>blahblah005</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 4:05am<b>martin8337</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 6:28am<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 2:42am

itsalanis's FML badges

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You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

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itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, I received a lemon in a box in the mail. I didn't know from who it was, nor how he or she knows my address. There was a note on it: "When life gives you lemons, date me." FML

#20837021
189 comments

Today, my dog died. In the same kitchen corner that two of my other dogs have died. I have a "Corner Of Death" in my kitchen. FML

#20833377
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57727) - you deserved it (3643)

On 08/12/2013 at 4:17am - animals - by The Corner Of Death (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out why my doctor told me not to mix pain killers with alcohol when I was told that last night I tried to convince a group of teenage tourists that I was one of the nitwits from One Direction, and then got miffed when they laughed at me. FML

#20832639
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18585) - you deserved it (38306)

On 08/11/2013 at 7:23pm - health - by JustSayNo - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, it was my son's fifth birthday. I asked my grandmother, who is a baker, to make a birthday cake for the party. Two hours after the party started, she arrived drunk with a large ham with candles in it. FML

#20826835
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52450) - you deserved it (4632)

On 08/08/2013 at 4:03am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I realized that my anger problems have gotten out of hand, when I shouted "Fuck you!" at my toaster. My mood swings and loneliness have also reached a new high, evidently, as my next actions were to apologize to the appliance and then continue talking to it. FML

#20823279
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48555) - you deserved it (9475)

On 08/06/2013 at 2:19am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had my first wet dream. I woke up sweating and soaking wet. Too bad I dreamed about having intense sex with a cardboard box. FML

#20813339
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57849) - you deserved it (9067)

On 07/31/2013 at 12:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Belgium (West-Vlaanderen)

Today, I had to have a serious talk with my 30-year-old husband about why Sesame Street isn't a "soap opera." FML

#20811311
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41796) - you deserved it (4965)

On 07/30/2013 at 10:25am - misc - by imagrouch (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my horse farted and scared itself, then ran all the way up the hill and wouldn't stop until I fell off. FML

#20807336
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49768) - you deserved it (4185)

On 07/28/2013 at 12:28am - animals - by mishyb (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I finished off the last of the BBQ chips in the house. When my 6-year-old sister found out about it, she started screaming, then pulled down her pants and peed on the kitchen floor. My parents, after witnessing the whole thing, bitched me out for upsetting her. FML

#20806438
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58957) - you deserved it (4547)

On 07/27/2013 at 2:31pm - kids - by poopiter (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my phone went off, reminding me to take my birth control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. The ringtone had been changed to my boyfriend singing "It's birth control time, birth control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML

#20805312
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60385) - you deserved it (9901)

On 07/26/2013 at 9:14pm - misc - by turning red - United States

Today, I realised that I can tell my 6 cats apart by the sound of their paws on the carpet. I think I need friends. FML

#20803453
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47905) - you deserved it (9380)

On 07/25/2013 at 8:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - South Africa

Today, I was going so slow in traffic that my GPS asked me if I wanted to switch to pedestrian mode. FML

#20801861
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45636) - you deserved it (7967)

On 07/24/2013 at 9:31pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I jokingly told my friend that when a tree seems to sway in the wind, it's really just having an orgasm. Not only did she believe me, she's been smugly informing everyone we know. She's 26. I seem to be friends with an absolute idiot. FML

#20795779
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41905) - you deserved it (5784)

On 07/21/2013 at 1:46pm - misc - by what have i done with my life (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML

#20793994
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58655) - you deserved it (6762)

On 07/20/2013 at 11:45am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Delaware)

Today, it's my fifth wedding anniversary. My wife bailed on the romantic dinner that I arranged in favor of running off with her friends. Their big event: an amateur Fight Club event they'd decided to stage in an abandoned parking lot. FML

#20792281
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44716) - you deserved it (4161)

On 07/19/2013 at 12:41pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)



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