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itsalanis

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itsalanis
  • Town/Country : Denver, USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 June 1992 (20 years)
  • Number of visits : 730
  • Number of comments : 122
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to call me Alanis instead.

itsalanis's last visitors

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itsalanis's FML badges

50 favourites

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100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

Perfectionist

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itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, in the locker room at work, someone tried writing "douche bag" on my locker, and misspelled it four times before apparently giving up. FML

#19255450
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17000) - you deserved it (1520)

On 03/11/2012 at 1:39am - work - by The Last One (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML

#19249528
586 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17855) - you deserved it (38089)

On 03/10/2012 at 2:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, while I was on the floor stocking a bottom shelf, a man walked up behind me and humped the back of my head. He ran away laughing. This kind of shit happens all the time. I hate my job. FML

#19218186
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23090) - you deserved it (2156)

On 03/05/2012 at 12:12am - work - by cero_kewl - United States

Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML

#19207930
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23013) - you deserved it (6917)

On 03/03/2012 at 8:55am - misc - by scaredshitless (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, I had a dream about the damn cappuccino machine at work. FML

#19170840
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14363) - you deserved it (2413)

On 02/26/2012 at 9:43pm - misc - by slickrick22 (man) - United States

Today, I discovered how startling it is to wake up by having your cat springboard off your face. The intended prey? Two fornicating geckos on the ceiling. FML

#19091519
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14773) - you deserved it (1483)

On 02/16/2012 at 2:52am - animals - by JukeboxValkyrie (woman) - United States (Florida)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I fought back with words against a bully. He cried, and I got detention. FML

#19085871
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28064) - you deserved it (1750)

On 02/15/2012 at 2:26pm - misc - by sharpie2792 - United States

Today, I walked out onto the driveway to find my mom standing on the wet pavement, screaming at the worms that had come out after the rain, saying that they were "on private property" and that they were "trespassing." All of our neighbors had come out of their houses to watch. FML

#19085397
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21557) - you deserved it (1613)

On 02/15/2012 at 12:47pm - misc - by jess (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, my friend and I were playing Oregon Trail online. I googled "dysentery", and sent her an IM about the mind-blowing number of cartoons of people violently shitting everywhere. I accidentally sent it to my aunt. FML

#19048896
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4945) - you deserved it (12584)

On 02/11/2012 at 2:10pm - misc - by Gabby (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I had to have a serious talk with my boyfriend about his Miley Cyrus obsession. FML

#19008453
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21832) - you deserved it (3653)

On 02/06/2012 at 5:08am - love - by Madzison (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I accidentally told my mom to ejaculate the flash drive from the PC. FML

#18976293
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12622) - you deserved it (3130)

On 02/02/2012 at 1:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - India

Today, I was making breakfast. My microwave door was already open, but I couldn't figure that out so I kept pressing the button. According to Einstein, I'm now insane. FML

#18906599
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5729) - you deserved it (17958)

On 01/25/2012 at 10:54am - health - by lol - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I sold my Xbox and Kinect to a guy. I forgot that sometimes I'd play Dance Central naked, and the Kinect would make videos. This guy now has videos of me, naked, badly dancing. FML

#18791715
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10015) - you deserved it (34365)

On 01/13/2012 at 12:05am - misc - by anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I came home with a friend to find my mom scratching my dad's butt with a fork. FML

#18754752
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25336) - you deserved it (1684)

On 01/09/2012 at 4:39am - misc - by maruskasommers (woman) - Czech Republic (Pardubicky kraj)

Today, my older brother burst into my bedroom at 4 am to show me photos of sushi. FML

#18684566
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21186) - you deserved it (2003)

On 01/02/2012 at 8:18am - misc - by jku (man) - United States (Montana)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.



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