About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.
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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.
itsalanis's favorite FMLs
Today, the Internet wasn't working. One girl decided to try to diagnose the problem. It said to connect the Ethernet cable. She started making fun of the computer for spelling "Internet" wrong. I'm graduating with this idiot in less than a month. FML
by Anonymous / 09/18/2013 at 10:57am / United States / Work
Today, my grandparents came over for a family dinner. I'm somewhat overweight, and my grandma kept making sound effects in time with me doing pretty much anything. When I complained to my dad after she made a long farting sound as I sat down, he told me to suck it up. FML
by Anonymous / 09/13/2013 at 1:06pm / Ireland (Donegal) / Kids
by fartz / 08/31/2013 at 2:04am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/28/2013 at 5:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by DefinitelyNotDogshit / 08/28/2013 at 12:06am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
Today, I mentioned on Facebook that I'll be out of town over the weekend, because I am attending my grandmother's funeral. I soon got comments saying "Pics or it didn't happen" and "Killed her for the inheritance, eh?" followed by a solitary "LOLLL". FML
by Anonymous / 08/23/2013 at 6:52pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom put me in charge of her business's Facebook. Later, I was doing homework and took a Facebook break, changing my status to "So fucking boring." I'd forgotten to log out of the business account. FML
by ShadowReiku / 08/22/2013 at 10:05pm / United States (Maryland) / Work
Today, someone on Facebook posted a really tiny picture that I couldn't read properly, so I responded, "What is this? A picture for ants?!" Turns out it was a commentary about rape, and now I look like an insensitive jackass. FML
by Baustigt / 08/22/2013 at 10:48am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous
by twatstick / 08/21/2013 at 1:30pm / United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire) / Work
by Anonymous / 08/20/2013 at 6:46pm / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Intimacy
Today, I gave my daughter the sex talk. Barely 10 minutes later, her public Facebook status read: "My mom's a total pedo." and after she mentioned the talk, her friend posted, "That's sexual harassment. You can sue for that." Clearly I've failed as a parent. FML
by Anonymous / 08/16/2013 at 5:05pm / United States (Missouri) / Kids
by YayItsYasmine / 08/14/2013 at 12:48pm / Austria (Karnten) / Miscellaneous
by The Corner Of Death / 08/12/2013 at 4:17am / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, I found out why my doctor told me not to mix pain killers with alcohol when I was told that last night I tried to convince a group of teenage tourists that I was one of the nitwits from One Direction, and then got miffed when they laughed at me. FML
by JustSayNo / 08/11/2013 at 7:23pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Health