About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.
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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.
itsalanis's favorite FMLs
by fartz / 08/31/2013 at 2:04am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/28/2013 at 5:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by DefinitelyNotDogshit / 08/28/2013 at 12:06am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
by Poly24 / 08/27/2013 at 6:32am / Kids
Today, I mentioned on Facebook that I'll be out of town over the weekend, because I am attending my grandmother's funeral. I soon got comments saying "Pics or it didn't happen" and "Killed her for the inheritance, eh?" followed by a solitary "LOLLL". FML
by Anonymous / 08/23/2013 at 6:52pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom put me in charge of her business's Facebook. Later, I was doing homework and took a Facebook break, changing my status to "So fucking boring." I'd forgotten to log out of the business account. FML
by ShadowReiku / 08/22/2013 at 10:05pm / United States (Maryland) / Work
Today, someone on Facebook posted a really tiny picture that I couldn't read properly, so I responded, "What is this? A picture for ants?!" Turns out it was a commentary about rape, and now I look like an insensitive jackass. FML
by Baustigt / 08/22/2013 at 10:48am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous
by twatstick / 08/21/2013 at 1:30pm / United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire) / Work
by Anonymous / 08/20/2013 at 6:46pm / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Intimacy
Today, I gave my daughter the sex talk. Barely 10 minutes later, her public Facebook status read: "My mom's a total pedo." and after she mentioned the talk, her friend posted, "That's sexual harassment. You can sue for that." Clearly I've failed as a parent. FML
by Anonymous / 08/16/2013 at 5:05pm / United States (Missouri) / Kids
by YayItsYasmine / 08/14/2013 at 12:48pm / Austria (Karnten) / Miscellaneous
by The Corner Of Death / 08/12/2013 at 4:17am / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, I found out why my doctor told me not to mix pain killers with alcohol when I was told that last night I tried to convince a group of teenage tourists that I was one of the nitwits from One Direction, and then got miffed when they laughed at me. FML
by JustSayNo / 08/11/2013 at 7:23pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Health
Today, it was my son's fifth birthday. I asked my grandmother, who is a baker, to make a birthday cake for the party. Two hours after the party started, she arrived drunk with a large ham with candles in it. FML
by Anonymous / 08/08/2013 at 4:03am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I realized that my anger problems have gotten out of hand, when I shouted "Fuck you!" at my toaster. My mood swings and loneliness have also reached a new high, evidently, as my next actions were to apologize to the appliance and then continue talking to it. FML
by Anonymous / 08/06/2013 at 2:19am / United States / Health