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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 June 1992 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 7805
  • Number of comments : 216
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.

itsalanis's page activity

Visits<b>2C0OL4SCH0OL</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 12:24am<b>Senra</b> - the 11/15/2015 at 12:46am<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/05/2015 at 11:43pm<b>MiLM</b> - the 11/04/2015 at 11:45am<b>seninaa</b> - the 11/01/2015 at 5:04pm<b>boostedc</b> - the 10/30/2015 at 2:10pm<b>firecracker5</b> - the 10/26/2015 at 12:35am<b>Artigedude65</b> - the 10/17/2015 at 6:20am<b>Threnody666</b> - the 10/15/2015 at 9:26am<b>WildTom</b> - the 10/12/2015 at 12:50pm<b>kkorn051212</b> - the 10/08/2015 at 10:44pm<b>Lalala579121</b> - the 09/30/2015 at 12:04am<b>kittina</b> - the 09/22/2015 at 3:23pm<b>siham_maghrabia</b> - the 09/22/2015 at 3:41am<b>leogachi</b> - the 09/22/2015 at 2:39am<b>MRSwick2525</b> - the 09/21/2015 at 9:25pm<b>neneluvsyooh</b> - the 09/21/2015 at 6:36pm<b>kutchbabe</b> - the 09/21/2015 at 6:06pm

Fucked!<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/06/2015 at 5:43am<b>blahblah005</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 4:05am<b>martin8337</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 6:28am<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 2:42am

itsalanis's FML badges


Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

Gold Rush

How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?

See all of itsalanis's badges

itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML


I agree, your life sucks (46209) - you deserved it (7762)

On 08/31/2013 at 2:04am - misc - by fartz (woman) - United States

Today, I caught my sister eating crayons. She's 19. FML


I agree, your life sucks (41805) - you deserved it (2986)

On 08/28/2013 at 5:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I walked into my new office for the first time after receiving the promotion I've been trying for. Someone took a dump on my desk. FML


I agree, your life sucks (47363) - you deserved it (3510)

On 08/28/2013 at 12:06am - work - by DefinitelyNotDogshit (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I could hear my daughter playing with her Barbie dolls in her room. "Do you think your boss will agree to give you a raise?", she said. "Of course, we slept together!" My daughter is six. FML


I agree, your life sucks (51809) - you deserved it (8565) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/27/2013 at 6:32am - kids - by Poly24 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I mentioned on Facebook that I'll be out of town over the weekend, because I am attending my grandmother's funeral. I soon got comments saying "Pics or it didn't happen" and "Killed her for the inheritance, eh?" followed by a solitary "LOLLL". FML


I agree, your life sucks (46735) - you deserved it (5385)

On 08/23/2013 at 6:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my mom put me in charge of her business's Facebook. Later, I was doing homework and took a Facebook break, changing my status to "So fucking boring." I'd forgotten to log out of the business account. FML

Today, someone on Facebook posted a really tiny picture that I couldn't read properly, so I responded, "What is this? A picture for ants?!" Turns out it was a commentary about rape, and now I look like an insensitive jackass. FML


I agree, your life sucks (41848) - you deserved it (13237)

On 08/22/2013 at 10:48am - misc - by Baustigt - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, at work, I had to utter the phrase, "Sir, please stop rubbing yourself with the peas." It's exactly how it sounds. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45641) - you deserved it (3216)

On 08/21/2013 at 1:30pm - work - by twatstick (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, I got sexual tingles while watching a Subway worker assemble my sandwich. FML


I agree, your life sucks (48732) - you deserved it (11773)

On 08/20/2013 at 6:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, I gave my daughter the sex talk. Barely 10 minutes later, her public Facebook status read: "My mom's a total pedo." and after she mentioned the talk, her friend posted, "That's sexual harassment. You can sue for that." Clearly I've failed as a parent. FML


I agree, your life sucks (54673) - you deserved it (6021)

On 08/16/2013 at 5:05pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I received a lemon in a box in the mail. I didn't know from who it was, nor how he or she knows my address. There was a note on it: "When life gives you lemons, date me." FML


Today, my dog died. In the same kitchen corner that two of my other dogs have died. I have a "Corner Of Death" in my kitchen. FML


I agree, your life sucks (57346) - you deserved it (3614)

On 08/12/2013 at 4:17am - animals - by The Corner Of Death (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out why my doctor told me not to mix pain killers with alcohol when I was told that last night I tried to convince a group of teenage tourists that I was one of the nitwits from One Direction, and then got miffed when they laughed at me. FML


I agree, your life sucks (18412) - you deserved it (37899)

On 08/11/2013 at 7:23pm - health - by JustSayNo - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, it was my son's fifth birthday. I asked my grandmother, who is a baker, to make a birthday cake for the party. Two hours after the party started, she arrived drunk with a large ham with candles in it. FML


I agree, your life sucks (51938) - you deserved it (4582)

On 08/08/2013 at 4:03am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I realized that my anger problems have gotten out of hand, when I shouted "Fuck you!" at my toaster. My mood swings and loneliness have also reached a new high, evidently, as my next actions were to apologize to the appliance and then continue talking to it. FML


I agree, your life sucks (48153) - you deserved it (9402)

On 08/06/2013 at 2:19am - health - by Anonymous - United States

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