About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to call me Alanis instead.
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100 kick ass comments
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Perfectionist
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Today, I discovered my cat's favorite hobby: sitting butthole-first on my favorite makeup brush. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17183) - you deserved it (2113)
On 06/30/2012 at 4:10am - misc - by audreyav - United States (Oregon)
Today, I tried to go to the gym, but I ended up watching cat videos on YouTube for three hours. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7569) - you deserved it (24154)
On 06/15/2012 at 7:27am - health - by latino14 - United States (Maryland)
Today, I fell asleep on the bus. When I woke up, my head was resting on the broad, tanned shoulder of the smoking hot guy sitting next to me. I had drooled a little. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18046) - you deserved it (549)
On 06/13/2012 at 5:08am - misc - by pandora (woman) - Israel (HaMerkaz)
Today, in a drunken state, I decided that it would be a good idea to shave with a pizza cutter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4217) - you deserved it (20785)
On 06/07/2012 at 8:10am - health - by Darwin_Award_Winner (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was playing an online game in nothing but my boxers, when suddenly a girl joined my team. I immediately felt embarrassed and put some pants on. There were no webcams involved. I need to get out more. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12981) - you deserved it (8923)
On 06/01/2012 at 12:48am - misc - by furred (man) - Philippines
Today, I was to give a presentation to several of my company's senior employees. The moment I stood up, I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart that lasted a good two or three seconds. When I tried to utter an apology, I clammed up and let out a whiny grunt. They were not amused. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15878) - you deserved it (3160)
On 05/23/2012 at 4:38pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, as part of my medical anatomy course, I had to give a presentation about an STD and the effects it has on women. The class was comprised almost entirely of girls. I become extremely anxious and accidentally stated "Vaginas are smelly" as my opening statement. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10318) - you deserved it (16446)
On 05/17/2012 at 4:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, a pigeon got into my apartment. After knocking over a very expensive vase, it panicked, rammed itself against a window, and shat all over the floor as it tried to get out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13843) - you deserved it (1151)
On 05/12/2012 at 12:01pm - animals - by Eric Ngan - Singapore
Today, I finally found out what the horrible smell at work was. A rat had decided to make its home in our emergency exit sign and had been fried by the electricity. I now have to fix this. Hello scorched dead rat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15010) - you deserved it (1126)
On 05/03/2012 at 5:17pm - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I picked up my daughter from preschool. Her teacher handed me her nap blankets and mentioned there was an extra article of clothing I might want to take home. I looked in-between the blankets and saw a pair of my giant granny panties that had gotten mixed in with her stuff. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14348) - you deserved it (3338)
On 04/13/2012 at 5:10pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5760) - you deserved it (24896)
On 04/04/2012 at 12:14pm - misc - by woohoo420 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I got sexually excited thinking about what kind of donuts I wanted to get in the morning. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15897) - you deserved it (8641)
On 03/31/2012 at 11:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I wore my new Brazilian thong bikini to the pool for the first time. I was lying face down feeling so sexy, until flies started buzzing my butt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7079) - you deserved it (27417)
On 03/25/2012 at 11:34am - misc - by BookBabe (woman) - United States (California)
Today, a client shouted at me over something that had nothing to do with me. She put such effort into shouting that she farted in my office. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16799) - you deserved it (1201)
On 03/23/2012 at 5:44am - work - by ANNIEDBD - Ireland (Dublin)
Today, as I turned the shower on, I got covered in gravy. Turns out, my friends had unscrewed the shower head, filled it with gravy granules, then screwed it back on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19075) - you deserved it (1954)
On 03/21/2012 at 7:46am - health - by J Rush - United Kingdom (Powys)
Monday 20 May 2013
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