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itsalanis

Offline (21 hours ago) | Search for a member

itsalanis

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 June 1992 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 7197
  • Number of comments : 191
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.

itsalanis's page activity

Visits<b>vikky538</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 8:57am<b>Darkblade21</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 4:37am<b>rpgman83</b> - the 08/15/2015 at 11:18pm<b>shay_serendipity</b> - the 08/15/2015 at 11:15pm<b>blahblah005</b> - the 08/15/2015 at 10:05pm<b>jaydoug92</b> - the 08/06/2015 at 10:27pm<b>moondoggie</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 11:54pm<b>sma30135</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 2:06am<b>Atheepic</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 4:30pm<b>wil1029</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 1:22pm<b>leeleeamber</b> - the 07/08/2015 at 3:46am<b>BunchieRules</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 9:53pm<b>jbizzle1987</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 9:01pm<b>SecretSociety7</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 12:54am<b>burnsky</b> - the 07/06/2015 at 11:00pm<b>MagicFez</b> - the 07/06/2015 at 10:15pm<b>monzu</b> - the 07/06/2015 at 7:36pm<b>Bloodknight</b> - the 07/06/2015 at 7:13pm

Fucked!<b>blahblah005</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 4:05am<b>martin8337</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 6:28am<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 2:42am

itsalanis's FML badges

Gold Rush

How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

See all of itsalanis's badges

itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, the hooker I have been seeing regularly for almost a year texted me to say she thinks we should no longer see each other again. I just got dumped by a hooker. FML

#13915907
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17207) - you deserved it (56279)

On 11/20/2010 at 8:06pm - intimacy - by pst - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, I was doing photography, and decided to climb onto the roof of a building to photograph the city. I dropped a square of chocolate over the edge just to appreciate the height. Apparently somebody saw me, I was arrested and am now being charged for trespassing and firing missiles. FML

#13883371
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16577) - you deserved it (25826)

On 11/17/2010 at 11:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Tasmania)

Today, in my journalism class, after trying hard to find some actual news to comment, we ended up talking about gay porn and fashion designers. FML

#13863869
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10850) - you deserved it (19432)

On 11/16/2010 at 10:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Romania (Cluj)

Today, I thought my house was being broken into in the dead of night. Frightened, I dismounted a floor lamp as a make-shift weapon and crept through the house, channelling my inner Ellen Ripley. It turned out to be the wireless printer with a paper jam. FML

#13847901
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19398) - you deserved it (6297)

On 11/15/2010 at 12:08am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I tried on the new dress I bought for myself. I, for once, thought I looked pretty all right. I asked my dog, "How do I look?" and she threw up on my pillow. My brother can't stop laughing. FML

#13837705
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30859) - you deserved it (4827)

On 11/14/2010 at 4:42am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was in a rush and forgot to flush the toilet after taking a huge dump. After coming home from work, I check my facebook to find myself tagged by my boyfriend in a photo. The photo was of the toilet, with the caption: "This is what Taco Bell does." FML

#13588009
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14477) - you deserved it (38316)

On 10/25/2010 at 8:32am - misc - by tanya - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was shopping for pillows at Bed Bath and Beyond. My husband playfully picked up a pillow pretending to start a pillow fight. I grabbed the largest pillow and chased him with it. When I finally caught up with him, a manager came around the corner. I was escorted out. FML

#13496559
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9879) - you deserved it (31155)

On 10/18/2010 at 7:52am - love - by sofakingweetodit - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I saw my boyfriend shaving his pubic hair before we had sex. This would be fine, except he was saying "Nom nom nom, I eat cock hairs" to his electric razor. FML

#13481200
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41050) - you deserved it (8392)

On 10/17/2010 at 1:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my sister and I were both on Facebook, updating our statuses. I set mine to "just got released from hospital with Baby Lily", as I'd had a baby earlier this week. My sister set hers to "menstrual blood smells like shrimp". Her status got 37 likes. Mine got none. FML

#13469972
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33186) - you deserved it (6445)

On 10/16/2010 at 8:31am - love - by married (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I had a wet dream about having sexual relations with a rubber duck. FML

#13373695
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32683) - you deserved it (9416)

On 10/09/2010 at 1:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I received a 7 page text message during school from my mom yelling at me because I ate her cereal. FML

#13373250
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26649) - you deserved it (5296)

On 10/09/2010 at 12:39am - misc - by mylifesuckssss - United States

Today, after a promotion at work, my new manager made me reset my password for a website we use. To do so, I had to answer the secret question I’d set two years prior. The question was "What is your favorite activity?" The answer I had to type out in front of my manager was "Drinking." FML

#13261887
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8339) - you deserved it (33074)

On 09/30/2010 at 10:07am - work - by T. (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I told my 3 year old daughter to behave or I'd spank her. She looked right at me and said "Bring it." FML

#13026235
419 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32005) - you deserved it (28499)

On 09/12/2010 at 9:38pm - kids - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML

#13005397
298 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38385) - you deserved it (9668)

On 09/11/2010 at 3:25pm - intimacy - by gorillalove - United States (Texas)



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