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itsalanis

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itsalanis

1Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 June 1992 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4178
  • Number of comments : 165
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to call me Alanis instead.

itsalanis's page activity

Visits<b>MentalMonkey333</b> - the 12/15/2014 at 3:25am<b>fuckingoboys</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 8:55pm<b>oops6663</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 1:47pm<b>Vegetarian27</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 5:07am<b>MrSassypants</b> - the 12/13/2014 at 6:24pm<b>Saraj07</b> - the 12/13/2014 at 3:41pm<b>Rallred32</b> - the 12/13/2014 at 2:52pm<b>dandee_one</b> - the 12/13/2014 at 2:18pm<b>ruckfules85</b> - the 11/13/2014 at 9:22am<b>FrutLoopDingus</b> - the 11/09/2014 at 12:23pm<b>stevothedevo</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 1:50am<b>mordecaiandrigby</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 3:26pm<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 10/09/2014 at 8:42pm<b>jack123456789</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 3:54am<b>crushcrusher</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 2:14am<b>PerditaDessa</b> - the 09/02/2014 at 10:00pm<b>ctck</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 8:05pm<b>RandEm2497</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 9:06pm

Liked!<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 2:42am

itsalanis's FML badges

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You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of itsalanis's badges

itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, I heard two of my students having a conversation. One asked what state Arizona was in, and the other replied Canada. I teach sixth grade social studies and they weren't joking. FML

#12837057
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32081) - you deserved it (7739)

On 08/31/2010 at 10:50am - kids - by teacher (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend questioned why I always put my shirts in the dryer right before wearing them. I told him it was because the dryer causes my shirts to regain their form and tightness. His response: "You should throw your vagina in there along with them." FML

#12822018
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39532) - you deserved it (14855)

On 08/30/2010 at 1:51pm - intimacy - by FYouBoyfriend (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, it was really hot in my house so I pulled my shorts down so I was just in my boxers. My family and I were watching tv and I got a spontaneous erection. When I discreetly tried to pull my shorts back up, my penis flipped out of my boxers. FML

#12792346
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34599) - you deserved it (22879)

On 08/28/2010 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Sicko - Sent from mobile version

Today, while leaving a restaurant, a little boy grabbed onto my leg and screamed, "Mommy! Don't leave me!" Then he looked up at my face, said, "Ewww," and ran away screaming in fear. FML

#12649609
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31509) - you deserved it (3924)

On 08/20/2010 at 6:36pm - misc - by superconfused16 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was called handsome. Too bad it was coming from a trashed homeless lady, who then went on to tell me that she "likes my lips and wants to rape me." FML

#12304319
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38519) - you deserved it (3676)

On 08/04/2010 at 3:58am - intimacy - by IllJustGetYouASweaterThen (man) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because she said I was more of a woman than she was. I yelled out, "I HATE YOU!" and started to cry. She then took a tampon out of her purse, handed it to me, laughed, and walked away. FML

#12082068
301 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17235) - you deserved it (68211)

On 07/24/2010 at 6:53am - misc - by GirlishMan1883897 (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. After removing my underwear, he started singing "In the jungle, the mighty jungle..." FML

#12030730
312 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25112) - you deserved it (49190)

On 07/21/2010 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Wawawiwa (woman) - Namibia (Windhoek)

Today, my boyfriend showed me how he gives himself a semi-erection before he goes into the men's showers after training so his penis will look bigger in front of all the guys. I find it worrying that he won't have sex with me, but has no problem walking around in front of men naked with a semi. FML

#11968011
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34462) - you deserved it (4135)

On 07/18/2010 at 7:26pm - intimacy - by 4fucksake (woman) - Ireland (Sligo)

Today, I accidentally filled the lemonade machine with margarita mix that already had the tequila mixed in. It was served to three kids before anyone figured it out. FML

#11861261
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10769) - you deserved it (37314)

On 07/13/2010 at 10:10pm - work - by magnolia (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with it. The balloon popped and shot to the back of my throat, where it got caught. FML

#11831310
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11449) - you deserved it (65288)

On 07/12/2010 at 3:42pm - health - by jazthefish (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at a new shopping mall. After an hour, I desperately needed to use the bathroom. Spotting one, I ran inside, locked myself in a cubicle and relieved myself. The toilet paper was out so I knocked on the cubicle beside me to ask for some. A lady's voice answered. She needed some too. FML

#11825114
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31212) - you deserved it (4974)

On 07/12/2010 at 4:28am - misc - by Wrongtoilet (man) - Singapore

Today, I was at the store when I saw two extremely hot girls. I walked into their aisle and they looked at me and smiled. I stopped and pretended to look at something so I could listen to what they were saying. They started laughing and walked away. It turned out I was reading a box of tampons. FML

#11459455
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9508) - you deserved it (45972)

On 06/25/2010 at 8:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was walking around in the mall when I dropped my purse. When I bent down to pick it up, some guy came up behind me, humped my ass, then ran away laughing. FML

#11435482
330 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58497) - you deserved it (12401)

On 06/24/2010 at 8:45pm - intimacy - by WorstLifeEver - United States

Today, in math class, I had the urge to fart. I had the bright idea that if I dropped my textbook and farted at the same time, nobody would hear it. I dropped my textbook, everyone looked at me, then I farted. Loudly. FML

#11389778
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18477) - you deserved it (57668)

On 06/22/2010 at 9:41pm - health - by fartwoman - United States (California)

Today, I finally got my first kiss. I was so excited, I pissed myself. FML

#11324047
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40128) - you deserved it (27121)

On 06/20/2010 at 1:12am - love - by PissyPants (woman) - United States (California)



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