About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.
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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.
itsalanis's favorite FMLs
Today, as I was standing in line at the checkout, the elderly guy in front turned around and said quietly to me, "Sometimes I shit my pants." He then nodded grimly and turned back around, hitting me with the full force of the stench now coming from his pants. FML
by half-dead in CA / 05/31/2014 at 12:39pm / United States (California) / Health
by Mem / 05/30/2014 at 4:07pm / Sweden (Gavleborgs Lan) / Miscellaneous
by her mom raised her / 05/17/2014 at 1:30pm / Mexico / Kids
by creepyyy / 05/17/2014 at 12:54pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Chilaxe / 05/03/2014 at 6:44pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous
by Great / 04/08/2014 at 9:42pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my students all handed in their 1,000 word papers. The assignment was for them to write about a strong, benevolent leader who influenced the world. Around half of the papers were about Hitler. FML
by Anonymous / 04/02/2014 at 7:30am / Australia (Victoria) / Work
Today, I was texting an artist friend telling her I wanted to buy her paintings; going on and on about how much I wanted it and loved the way they looked and couldn't wait to have them. I realized my phone had corrected paintings to panties. FML
by BigBlue / 03/19/2014 at 7:19pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was tanning nude in my backyard, when I took a picture of our dog lying in the grass and sent it to my dad. It was only after I looked at the picture indoors that I realized my nipple had made it into the picture too. FML
by why / 03/14/2014 at 7:23pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by CurtisWogan / 03/12/2014 at 6:23pm / United States (Georgia) / Work
by lacy / 03/01/2014 at 3:23am / United States (Kentucky) / Animals
Today, my pregnant wife's parents called me at work, saying she'd been crying inconsolably and wouldn't say what was wrong. After pleading with my boss, I rushed home. Turns out there was an "ugly" sofa in a TV ad and she felt it was "picking on ugly sofas". FML
by fuckmeitsgettingworse / 02/24/2014 at 2:36pm / United Kingdom (Derby) / Miscellaneous
by Snufflopagus / 01/01/2014 at 8:26am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by smokecloud_ / 12/30/2013 at 4:38pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
by Anonymous / 12/27/2013 at 7:05pm / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Animals
- Today, my boyfriend tried to serenade me with The Sex is Good by Saving Abel. According to him, "I… Today, I was riding the subway when a beautiful topless girl walked into my car and sat directly in… Today, I went to a bar with two guys I was interested in. The first I'd been trying to go out with…