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itsalanis

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itsalanis

5Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 June 1992 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 8067
  • Number of comments : 226
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.

itsalanis's page activity

Visits<b>lenardMcCravits</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 8:20pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 01/17/2016 at 11:47am<b>invadermaythe1st</b> - the 01/17/2016 at 8:08am<b>ChippyChoppy</b> - the 01/15/2016 at 5:28am<b>OwlsMakeBowels</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 10:57am<b>wolfchick1709</b> - the 01/02/2016 at 3:55am<b>PDSot</b> - the 12/28/2015 at 7:59pm<b>vsus98</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 5:25pm<b>sythe511</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 1:59pm<b>Seabass_Chan</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 2:47am<b>Lalala579121</b> - the 12/06/2015 at 9:33pm<b>Sansa_Kroma</b> - the 12/05/2015 at 11:46pm<b>2C0OL4SCH0OL</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 12:24am<b>Senra</b> - the 11/15/2015 at 12:46am<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/05/2015 at 11:43pm<b>MiLM</b> - the 11/04/2015 at 11:45am<b>seninaa</b> - the 11/01/2015 at 5:04pm<b>boostedc</b> - the 10/30/2015 at 2:10pm

Fucked!<b>Seabass_Chan</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 8:47am<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/06/2015 at 5:43am<b>blahblah005</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 4:05am<b>martin8337</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 6:28am<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 2:42am

itsalanis's FML badges

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You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

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itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, I met my mom's new business partner for the first time. I shook his hand, and introduced myself as "Lisa's daughter". I'm a guy. FML

#21085066
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37375) - you deserved it (12867)

On 03/12/2014 at 6:23pm - work - by CurtisWogan (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I told my husband to give our dog a bath while I was at work. When I returned home, I found my dog, along with my husband, in the bath together. FML

#21074688
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43798) - you deserved it (9930)

On 03/01/2014 at 3:23am - animals - by lacy - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my pregnant wife's parents called me at work, saying she'd been crying inconsolably and wouldn't say what was wrong. After pleading with my boss, I rushed home. Turns out there was an "ugly" sofa in a TV ad and she felt it was "picking on ugly sofas". FML

#21070396
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47588) - you deserved it (4470)

On 02/24/2014 at 2:36pm - misc - by fuckmeitsgettingworse - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, my boyfriend told me that sometimes my nipples taste like onions. FML

#21012735
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50627) - you deserved it (10195)

On 01/01/2014 at 8:26am - intimacy - by Snufflopagus (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was watching ESPN. My boyfriend came in, bitched about "boring tv," so I handed him the remote. He put on a Lifetime movie. I must be the only woman in America with this problem. FML

#21010622
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50447) - you deserved it (5154)

On 12/30/2013 at 4:38pm - love - by smokecloud_ (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my dad thought it would be funny to wake me up by sprinkling catnip over me then dropping my cat on top of me. FML

#21007541
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40523) - you deserved it (3694)

On 12/27/2013 at 7:05pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, while at the gym, I noticed a creepy-looking guy watching me. When I got up from the equipment, I noticed that he sniffed the seat. I didn't say anything the first time. After he did it the second time, I asked him to stop. He bent down and sniffed it without breaking eye contact. FML

#20996147
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49314) - you deserved it (3661)

On 12/17/2013 at 6:48pm - misc - by gymgirl - United States (Texas)

Today, a kid from my school called me, saying he's going on vacation to Japan soon and that since I was born there, I could teach him the language. His exact words at the start of the call were: "Hey man, you speak Asian, right?" I have to be around this shithead 5 days a week. FML

#20992530
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46279) - you deserved it (3798)

On 12/14/2013 at 5:39pm - misc - by bnc (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my girlfriend tried explaining a duck flying into our living room and taking a shit everywhere as "paranormal activity". FML

#20963751
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40149) - you deserved it (3571)

On 11/19/2013 at 8:09pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I got into a fight with a lawn chair. It won. FML

#20961117
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31884) - you deserved it (11936)

On 11/17/2013 at 5:07pm - misc - by what_a_loner - Canada (Ontario)

Today, working as a cashier, I had a customer come through and ask to purchase a bag of ice. I asked, "Eight pound or twenty pound?", referring to the clearly marked weight of the bags. He replied, "What's the difference?" FML

#20955463
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37613) - you deserved it (3131)

On 11/12/2013 at 6:56pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML

#20946225
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46720) - you deserved it (5645)

On 11/05/2013 at 8:22am - work - by regretsteachinghighschool - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my ex boyfriend got into a physical fight with the guy I've been casually seeing for 9 months. Afterwards, they had a beer, a long chat, and decided this was my fault and I wasn't worth the drama. FML

#20933266
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46452) - you deserved it (20724)

On 10/25/2013 at 7:54am - love - by what did I do? - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I tried Ambien for the first time. I now have to apologize to most of my exes for excessively rambling emails about getting together for some naked Twister. FML

#20929399
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34372) - you deserved it (11575)

On 10/21/2013 at 8:12pm - health - by OutOfMyMind (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my job application got denied once again. I looked over it, and saw that my roommate added "screwing over customers" and "hiding dead bodies" under my skills. FML

#20927127
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45783) - you deserved it (6804)

On 10/20/2013 at 2:21am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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