itsalanis

Search for a member

Offline (20 hours ago)

itsalanis

9Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 June 1992 (24 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 10240
  • Number of comments : 246
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.

itsalanis's page activity

Visits<b>ItWentSwimmingly</b> - the 09/11/2016 at 5:34pm<b>t</b> - the 09/10/2016 at 8:10am<b>enticingmudkip</b> - the 09/10/2016 at 12:14am<b>claudiajean</b> - the 09/09/2016 at 9:09pm<b>gradius1002</b> - the 09/09/2016 at 5:30pm<b>coleycakes_805</b> - the 09/09/2016 at 3:10pm<b>French_giirl</b> - the 09/09/2016 at 1:08pm<b>yuno_gasai</b> - the 08/27/2016 at 11:33am<b>wellthisisntgood</b> - the 08/27/2016 at 10:02am<b>AzureDawn</b> - the 08/17/2016 at 3:11pm<b>hiddenUSERNAME</b> - the 08/15/2016 at 6:57am<b>fishingforubies2</b> - the 08/14/2016 at 9:21pm<b>the_aspect</b> - the 08/13/2016 at 8:10pm<b>Sansa_Kroma</b> - the 08/13/2016 at 4:33pm<b>ImKimitheEmo</b> - the 07/31/2016 at 8:59pm<b>Butterflies777</b> - the 07/21/2016 at 6:16pm<b>yanalynch</b> - the 07/20/2016 at 6:00am<b>2simz</b> - the 07/14/2016 at 11:15pm

Fucked!<b>wellthisisntgood</b> - the 08/27/2016 at 4:02pm<b>the_aspect</b> - the 05/24/2016 at 5:57am<b>Sansa_Kroma</b> - the 04/09/2016 at 3:47pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/15/2016 at 6:17am<b>Seabass_Chan</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 8:47am<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/06/2015 at 5:43am<b>blahblah005</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 4:05am<b>martin8337</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 6:28am<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 2:42am

itsalanis's FML badges

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

See all of itsalanis's badges

itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, I was asked to order a new lockable cash tin for work. When my boss returned to ask which one I'd selected, I said, "An 8-inch black one". Her giggle said it all. FML

by dicksonthebrain / 09/26/2014 at 9:03am / United Kingdom / Work

Today, I sat in on a university-level physics lecture, listening to my hyped-up co-students approximating the hypothetical situation of the Sun consisting of gerbils. The conversation then continued towards how much better energy/mass ratio the gerbil-sun would have compared to the actual star. FML

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. We were getting into the mood so I tried to eat the popcorn kind of sexually, causing me to choke on the popcorn and throw up. FML

by Nat / 09/13/2014 at 2:29am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML

by Anonymous / 09/09/2014 at 11:16pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my sister felt guilty and told me about the changes she secretly made to my résumé months ago. She'd put "doing your mom" and "corporate espionage" as my hobbies, and "Justin Bieber's pussy waxer" as a previous job. No wonder I'm still unemployed. FML

by fuck you, tasha / 08/24/2014 at 5:50pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, I was doing a design sketch for work. I snapped a pic and sent it to my boss. She replied, "Impressive. Nice sketch too." I was drawing at home, naked. My dick was in the picture. FML

by Ballsy427 / 07/25/2014 at 8:05am / United States (Armed Forces Pacific) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after working the night shift, I accidentally left my iPod at the office. I woke up later and went on Facebook. To my dismay, I saw some coworker had posted stuff on my wall, such as, "I really have to take a shit!" and "Yes, my tits are real!" FML

by Anonymous / 06/29/2014 at 9:25pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, my sister ran into my room unannounced while I was on webcam with a potential employer. Before I could react, she looked at my screen, said "Damn, he's fucking hot." and flashed him. FML

by justno / 06/28/2014 at 8:26pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I went to the restroom to pee. A loud fart exploded out of my ass and echoed in the toilet bowl. I could practically feel my face on fire when I saw the horrified look on a little girl's face as I walked out. FML

by Anonymous / 06/07/2014 at 10:34pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I used a public toilet. After I did my business in the stall and walked out, I was confronted by the sight of a man standing on tip-toes, holding his penis up to the automatic hand-dryer. Doubt I'll get that image out of my head any time soon. FML

by yepintheladiesroom / 06/07/2014 at 5:37pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy

Today, my son got in serious trouble after he was caught trying to sell weed to people in the street. The good news is that the "weed" was just actual weeds he'd pulled from our lawn. The bad news is that at age 16, my son is too stupid to know the difference. FML

by idiot says "you raised him" / 05/31/2014 at 5:30pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, as I was standing in line at the checkout, the elderly guy in front turned around and said quietly to me, "Sometimes I shit my pants." He then nodded grimly and turned back around, hitting me with the full force of the stench now coming from his pants. FML

by half-dead in CA / 05/31/2014 at 12:39pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, my neighbor threatened to call the cops if I didn't turn the volume down on my porno. I was only watching women's tennis. FML

by Mem / 05/30/2014 at 4:07pm / Sweden (Gavleborgs Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to call a plumber out, because my idiot daughter clogged the pipes while trying to flush a hamburger down the toilet. FML

by her mom raised her / 05/17/2014 at 1:30pm / Mexico / Kids

Today, trying to be nice, I added this really shy kid from my English class on Facebook. Within minutes, he started going through all my pictures and tagging himself as my breasts. FML

by creepyyy / 05/17/2014 at 12:54pm / United States / Miscellaneous