About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to call me Alanis instead.
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100 kick ass comments
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Today, I found out my little brother is a highly committed Nazi. He goes to meetings and everything, my parents think it's great he is "getting out and developing a social life." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21848) - you deserved it (1095)
On 09/18/2012 at 5:46pm - misc - by he is going to hell (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my nitwit son infected our family computer with some sort of mad bastard virus after getting fooled by the promise of some non-existent Hannah Montana nudes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15799) - you deserved it (1744)
On 09/17/2012 at 7:25pm - kids - by StupidBerk (man) - United Kingdom
Today, I was finally paid back by a friend who wrote a check out. Not really looking at it, I went to the bank to deposit it. As I handed it to the teller, I noticed that he had written "sex" in the "for" memo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14655) - you deserved it (2390)
On 09/16/2012 at 9:46am - money - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11779) - you deserved it (17025)
On 09/14/2012 at 10:50am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I had my girlfriend over to meet my parents. After dinner, we were in the living room talking. My dad thought it would be funny to grab our cat, stick it down his shirt, then pretend to give birth to it, with sound effects. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16451) - you deserved it (1374)
On 09/13/2012 at 8:37am - misc - by Sprtsgeek13 - United States (Maine)
Today, I decided to be a gentleman and let an old lady have my seat on the bus. Before I could even get up, she sat on my lap and wouldn't get off. I got an involuntary lap dance from a grandma. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16241) - you deserved it (1113)
On 09/11/2012 at 7:07pm - misc - by tdudey123 (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my wife and I got in a 4-hour heated argument which resulted in her begging for a divorce and admitting that she cheated on me. This all started with us arguing about the instructions for our new IKEA table. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21691) - you deserved it (1541)
On 08/26/2012 at 10:56pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, while working at the pet store, I had to feed the snakes. I'd thawed too many mice, so instead of wasting one, I fed it to our turtles. They decided to play tug of war with it, ripping it in half in front of several terrified children. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6660) - you deserved it (15799)
On 08/23/2012 at 12:50pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I walked into the restroom at work, only to find my boss stroking and playing with himself. I have my annual performance assessment with him in an hour. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21940) - you deserved it (1519)
On 08/21/2012 at 1:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I realized why my sister refuses to let me clean her side of the room. She's secretly been trying to revive dead ants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15931) - you deserved it (948)
On 08/16/2012 at 12:05am - misc - by scarredforlife - United States (Maryland)
Today, wanting to be romantic, I came home with flowers, and told my girlfriend I love her and that I never want us to fall apart. Before I could finish my second sentence, she farted, said, "Aww, that's so sweet" and quickly excused herself to the bathroom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15532) - you deserved it (1638)
On 08/14/2012 at 8:12pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, everyone found out about the strange but intense fetish I have for women physically lifting me. It all came out when my friend, a female bodybuilder, decided to grab and pick me up for a laugh. I came in my pants, in front of about twenty people. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30165) - you deserved it (6963)
On 07/25/2012 at 12:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I found out that I'm allergic to bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50778) - you deserved it (3669)
On 07/07/2012 at 12:45am - health - by Dammit - United States (California)
Today, I was brutally dumped over webcam, by my boyfriend, who was taking a dump with the laptop on his lap. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20176) - you deserved it (1803)
On 07/06/2012 at 6:51am - love - by Toilettrash (woman) - United States
Today, I discovered my cat's favorite hobby: sitting butthole-first on my favorite makeup brush. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17176) - you deserved it (2113)
On 06/30/2012 at 4:10am - misc - by audreyav - United States (Oregon)
Monday 20 May 2013
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