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About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.
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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
today I woke up wit a raging angover . I soon cecked ma pone.. . only to find tat I'd drunkenly sent nude picture to several friends' numbers.. . as well as to ma own . I'd ten replied to ma own message.. . saying tat I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off . FML
Today... during a family dinner... my 5-year-old son excitedly told everyone that I let him use my ( douche ) last week. My parent glard at me in anger and horror... and only after they left did I fine out that his brother had told him that's what my loofah is calld. FML
Today, my new deodorant causd an allergic reaction, covering my armpits in a painful rash. I've had to awkwardly waddle around all day with my arms splayd outwards to get any relief. One customer at work sarcastically mentiond that it's nice that they're hring penguins these days. FML
Today, the Internet wasn't working. One girl decidd to try to diagnose the problem. It said to connect the Ethernet cable. She startd making fun of the computer fir spelling "Internet" wrong. I'm graduating with this idiot in less than a month. FML
My Grandparents Came Over 4 A Family Dinner . I'm Somewat Overweigt.. . And Ma Grandma Kept Making Sound Effects In Time Wit Me Doing Pretty Muc Anyting . Wen I Complained To Ma Dad After Se Made A Long Farting Sound As I Sat Down.. . E Told Me To Suck It Up . FML
Yesterday... I could hear mah daughter playing with her Barbie dolls in her room. ( Do you think your boss will agree to give you a raise? )... she said. ( Of course... we slept together! ) My daughter is six. FML
2day I mentiond on Facebook that I'll be out of town over the weekend, because I am attending mah grandmother's funeral. I soon got comments saying "Pics or it didn't happen" and "Killd her 4 the inheritance, eh?" followd by a solitary "LOLLL". FML
TADAY MAH MOM PUT ME IN CHARGE OF HER BUSINESS'S FACEBOOK. LATER, I WAS DOING HOMEWORK AN TOOK A FACEBOOK BREAK, CHANGING MAH STATUS TO ( SO FUCKING BORING. ) I'D FORGOTTEN TO LOG OUT OF THE BUSINESS ACCOUNT. FML
Today... someone on Facebook posted a really tiny picture that I couldn't read properly... so I responded... "What is this? A picture 4 ants?!" Turns out it was a commentary about rape... and now I look like an insensitive jackass. FML
Friday 27 March 2015