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itsalanis

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itsalanis
  • Town/Country : Denver, USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 June 1992 (21 years)
  • Number of visits : 1882
  • Number of comments : 141
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to call me Alanis instead.

itsalanis's last visitors

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itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend thinks my house is filled with ghosts. She can only hear them when I fart. FML

#18145802
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20419) - you deserved it (4826)

On 11/03/2011 at 7:48am - misc - by Tyler Smith - United States

Today, my parents got rid of our detachable shower head. Looks like I'm single again. FML

#18070582
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23569) - you deserved it (29053)

On 10/25/2011 at 6:15am - intimacy - by sad - Reserved

Today, I went to the store with my girlfriend. She needed to use the bathroom so I started looking at the books. It wasn't until the manager shot me a weird look that I realized I'd wandered down too far and was looking at bridal magazines, holding tampons, dog treats, and hair spray. FML

#18036451
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20903) - you deserved it (3983)

On 10/21/2011 at 1:42am - animals - by Dv0829 - United States (Utah)

Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML

#17981940
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38403) - you deserved it (3846)

On 10/14/2011 at 12:11pm - kids - by MLGreco - United States

Today, at work, my boss went to the single-stall bathroom on our floor. The next thing I know, I'm on suspension pending review because some asshole left an upper-decker in the toilet. Since I'm the office prankster, all suspicion is now on me. I've been framed by my own colleagues. FML

#17888360
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16093) - you deserved it (11793)

On 10/02/2011 at 4:35pm - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, while I was on the up escalator, a small woman in front of me farted directly into my face. FML

#17884262
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27425) - you deserved it (2684)

On 10/02/2011 at 2:36am - misc - by Emmy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML

#17874410
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23499) - you deserved it (5802)

On 09/30/2011 at 10:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my mom tried to diagnose my sickness with advice she'd gotten from a dog magazine. FML

#17848312
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20271) - you deserved it (1774)

On 09/27/2011 at 3:25pm - health - by fml - United States

Today, at work while on the toilet, somebody came into the stall next to me and gave a loud play by play of every fart, plop, and grunt. He then asked loudly who I was and when I didn't answer put his head under the stall to look at me. FML

#17839732
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35003) - you deserved it (2880)

On 09/26/2011 at 2:52pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a science test. A question asked, "What is the first stage of photosynthesis?" I didn't know, so just trying to be light-hearted, I wrote, "The plant must first believe in itself." My teacher didn't think it was funny, and gave me detention for insulting her intelligence. FML

#17804302
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21654) - you deserved it (13914)

On 09/22/2011 at 12:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that the new management position I'm supposed to start in two days was delayed for a month and a half. I already quit my current job and called my boss gay. FML

#17801951
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8256) - you deserved it (45486)

On 09/22/2011 at 1:20am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I realized too late that a picture in my school Powerpoint presentation of thousands of New Zealand sheep, was actually a picture of thousands of naked men in a field. FML

#17709255
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14293) - you deserved it (29840)

On 09/10/2011 at 3:11am - misc - by FullOfNick (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I decided to get back into shape. I went for a jog around my neighborhood. The ice cream truck followed me for my whole jog, mocking me. FML

#17703209
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26314) - you deserved it (2877)

On 09/09/2011 at 9:36am - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I visited my son at work. He's an interpreter for the government. As I watched him converse with a group of men, I was overcome with pride. Then the woman next to me said "I can't believe they're talking about that in public." They were discussing masturbation techniques. FML

#17625902
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29457) - you deserved it (3229)

On 08/30/2011 at 11:30pm - intimacy - by mystupidson (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found out that I was adopted. I'm 46 years old with 11 real siblings and no one bothered to tell me until I found the documents in my dead adoptive father's house. FML

#17609010
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28578) - you deserved it (1989)

On 08/29/2011 at 12:06am - misc - by Ariella - Singapore



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