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itsalanis

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itsalanis

1Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 June 1992 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4217
  • Number of comments : 165
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to call me Alanis instead.

itsalanis's page activity

Visits<b>MentalMonkey333</b> - the 12/15/2014 at 3:25am<b>fuckingoboys</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 8:55pm<b>oops6663</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 1:47pm<b>Vegetarian27</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 5:07am<b>MrSassypants</b> - the 12/13/2014 at 6:24pm<b>Saraj07</b> - the 12/13/2014 at 3:41pm<b>Rallred32</b> - the 12/13/2014 at 2:52pm<b>dandee_one</b> - the 12/13/2014 at 2:18pm<b>ruckfules85</b> - the 11/13/2014 at 9:22am<b>FrutLoopDingus</b> - the 11/09/2014 at 12:23pm<b>stevothedevo</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 1:50am<b>mordecaiandrigby</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 3:26pm<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 10/09/2014 at 8:42pm<b>jack123456789</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 3:54am<b>crushcrusher</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 2:14am<b>PerditaDessa</b> - the 09/02/2014 at 10:00pm<b>ctck</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 8:05pm<b>RandEm2497</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 9:06pm

Liked!<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 2:42am

itsalanis's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of itsalanis's badges

itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, I got scared by my own leg fat. FML

#19144549
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9143) - you deserved it (28437)

On 02/23/2012 at 6:29am - misc - by wobble... - Australia

Today, I discovered how startling it is to wake up by having your cat springboard off your face. The intended prey? Two fornicating geckos on the ceiling. FML

Today, Target asked me if I would do the closing announcement. I've only been working there a little while, so excited I agreed. I told people, "The store is now closing, thank you for shopping at Walmart." FML

#19088946
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15811) - you deserved it (29177)

On 02/15/2012 at 9:03pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I fought back with words against a bully. He cried, and I got detention. FML

#19085871
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35919) - you deserved it (2563)

On 02/15/2012 at 2:26pm - misc - by sharpie2792 - United States

Today, I walked out onto the driveway to find my mom standing on the wet pavement, screaming at the worms that had come out after the rain, saying that they were "on private property" and that they were "trespassing." All of our neighbors had come out of their houses to watch. FML

#19085397
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26445) - you deserved it (1958)

On 02/15/2012 at 12:47pm - misc - by jess (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, my friend and I were playing Oregon Trail online. I googled "dysentery", and sent her an IM about the mind-blowing number of cartoons of people violently shitting everywhere. I accidentally sent it to my aunt. FML

#19048896
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6595) - you deserved it (19234)

On 02/11/2012 at 2:10pm - misc - by Gabby (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I sat in my boss' office as he bitched me out for being "too sarcastic" to our customers. After nearly half an hour of him criticizing my "piss-poor attitude," he asked me what I was going to do to fix it. Without thinking, I said, "Your mom." Now I'm jobless again. FML

#19042299
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8768) - you deserved it (66201)

On 02/10/2012 at 4:33pm - work - by great - United States

Today, I caught my boyfriend trying on my bra. He still has no excuse. FML

#19023542
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24723) - you deserved it (3666)

On 02/08/2012 at 12:04am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I had to have a serious talk with my boyfriend about his Miley Cyrus obsession. FML

#19008453
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26846) - you deserved it (4173)

On 02/06/2012 at 5:08am - love - by Madzison (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I accidentally told my mom to ejaculate the flash drive from the PC. FML

#18976293
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17303) - you deserved it (21853)

On 02/02/2012 at 1:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - India

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

#18954927
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30967) - you deserved it (4976)

On 01/30/2012 at 7:25pm - intimacy - by ugh (man) - United States

Today, I learnt there's a woman who comes into my store only to hear my Barry White-like voice. My boss knows who it is, yet refuses to tell me because it's "hilarious." I'm now cautious of every customer. FML

#18950332
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20327) - you deserved it (2805)

On 01/30/2012 at 4:00am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was standing in the bathroom and farted. It felt like someone stabbed me in the butt. I jumped out of shock, and my head slammed into the mirror. My glasses fell onto the floor and broke. I now need new glasses, a new mirror, and an ice pack for my head. All because I farted. FML

#18946444
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21594) - you deserved it (9656)

On 01/29/2012 at 8:27pm - health - by Rachal - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was making breakfast. My microwave door was already open, but I couldn't figure that out so I kept pressing the button. According to Einstein, I'm now insane. FML

#18906599
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7277) - you deserved it (25924)

On 01/25/2012 at 10:54am - health - by lol - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I came home to my fiancé and his mates playing Monopoly naked in our backyard. FML

#18803544
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24330) - you deserved it (3162)

On 01/14/2012 at 6:42am - misc - by anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)



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