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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 June 1992 (24 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 10542
  • Number of comments : 246
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.

itsalanis's page activity

Visits<b>TheGreastest</b> - the 10/06/2016 at 6:07pm<b>ItWentSwimmingly</b> - the 09/11/2016 at 5:34pm<b>t</b> - the 09/10/2016 at 8:10am<b>enticingmudkip</b> - the 09/10/2016 at 12:14am<b>claudiajean</b> - the 09/09/2016 at 9:09pm<b>gradius1002</b> - the 09/09/2016 at 5:30pm<b>coleycakes_805</b> - the 09/09/2016 at 3:10pm<b>French_giirl</b> - the 09/09/2016 at 1:08pm<b>yuno_gasai</b> - the 08/27/2016 at 11:33am<b>wellthisisntgood</b> - the 08/27/2016 at 10:02am<b>AzureDawn</b> - the 08/17/2016 at 3:11pm<b>hiddenUSERNAME</b> - the 08/15/2016 at 6:57am<b>fishingforubies2</b> - the 08/14/2016 at 9:21pm<b>the_aspect</b> - the 08/13/2016 at 8:10pm<b>Sansa_Kroma</b> - the 08/13/2016 at 4:33pm<b>ImKimitheEmo</b> - the 07/31/2016 at 8:59pm<b>Butterflies777</b> - the 07/21/2016 at 6:16pm<b>yanalynch</b> - the 07/20/2016 at 6:00am

Fucked!<b>wellthisisntgood</b> - the 08/27/2016 at 4:02pm<b>the_aspect</b> - the 05/24/2016 at 5:57am<b>Sansa_Kroma</b> - the 04/09/2016 at 3:47pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/15/2016 at 6:17am<b>Seabass_Chan</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 8:47am<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/06/2015 at 5:43am<b>blahblah005</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 4:05am<b>martin8337</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 6:28am<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 2:42am

itsalanis's FML badges

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

See all of itsalanis's badges

itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, my boss told me to cut my long hair. After coming back to work with a clean cut hairstyle, he apparently thought I was the new guy, and said I was going to be trained by "The long-haired girly-looking idiot." FML

by Anonymous / 11/14/2012 at 1:10pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML

by Targeted / 11/08/2012 at 11:54pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went out to a restaurant with a girl I have been dating. The only conversation was about how proud she was of her fart during work earlier, and how she managed to clear out a section of the office. FML

by Anonymous / 10/26/2012 at 3:23am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML

by Holy Testacles / 10/17/2012 at 12:45am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and best friend making out. His explanation was that he was trying to stop her from having an allergic reaction to peanut butter. FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2012 at 8:04pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I was cooking something I knew would make a lot of smoke, so I asked my teenage daughter to tape a bag over the smoke detector. She said she did, so I cooked; the alarm went off and firemen came. She hadn't taped over the smoke detector, she'd taped it over the doorbell. FML

by Anonymous / 10/08/2012 at 1:31am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I realized that my life would make an excellent meme: Nerd girl goes to college, finally loses virginity; gets chlamydia. FML

by Unfortunate / 10/07/2012 at 8:24pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML

by SoSexy / 10/07/2012 at 6:25am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I saw on my 17-year-old daughter's floor her "To-Do" list. What was #1? Jump in front of a moving vehicle, in hopes that Edward Cullen will use his vampire speed to save her. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2012 at 10:45pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, after eight months of unemployment, I finally started at my new night job. Shortly after walking in, my boss came up behind me, whispered "hooorse dicksss" in my ear, and walked off without another word. I am terrified. FML

by Anonymous / 09/29/2012 at 8:11pm / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, I unintentionally moaned during my prostate exam. FML

by Anonymous / 09/28/2012 at 2:06pm / Netherlands (Gelderland) / Intimacy

Today, I walked in to my apartment to see my husband sitting there with his toes painted pink. When I asked him why, he said, "I wanted to feel pretty." This is the man who is about to be the father of my child. FML

by cmc9540 / 09/26/2012 at 10:14pm / United States (New York) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got sent to the principal's office because my Dad decided that instead of signing his name, he would sign, "Ms. Bigtits", because he wanted to make sure the teachers were paying attention to what their students handed in. FML

by PerpetuallyHappy / 09/25/2012 at 7:20pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my little brother is a highly committed Nazi. He goes to meetings and everything, my parents think it's great he is "getting out and developing a social life." FML

by he is going to hell / 09/18/2012 at 5:46pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my nitwit son infected our family computer with some sort of mad bastard virus after getting fooled by the promise of some non-existent Hannah Montana nudes. FML

by StupidBerk / 09/17/2012 at 7:25pm / United Kingdom / Kids