Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

itsalanis

Online | Search for a member

itsalanis

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 11 June 1992 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 6700
  • Number of comments : 179
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.

itsalanis's page activity

Visits<b>LilMsDulce</b> - the 06/22/2015 at 8:17am<b>w0nd3rl4nd</b> - the 06/17/2015 at 7:34am<b>Dexter83</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 2:06am<b>rnarshmallow</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 1:58am<b>juice_33</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 12:37am<b>martin8337</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 12:28am<b>Hildy93</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 12:20am<b>dantee2005</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 12:07am<b>sandman676</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 11:28pm<b>Replyka</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 9:36pm<b>ironhead</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 9:34pm<b>BakenWake420</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 9:10pm<b>FutBol_Fan_30</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 9:03pm<b>spockadelic</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 7:29pm<b>AraSmith</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 6:27pm<b>jgwyh</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 10:31am<b>jet223</b> - the 06/10/2015 at 11:16pm<b>devildog562</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 5:28pm

Fucked!<b>martin8337</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 6:28am<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 2:42am

itsalanis's FML badges

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of itsalanis's badges

itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, in a drunken state, I decided that it would be a good idea to shave with a pizza cutter. FML

#19748828
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6387) - you deserved it (32217)

On 06/07/2012 at 8:10am - health - by Darwin_Award_Winner (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, a man on the bus questioned my sexuality for being a male nurse. I asked him what he did and he said he worked in a garage. When I pointed out that I work with sexy nurses all day and he works with sweaty guys, he punched me in the stomach. FML

#19743527
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36082) - you deserved it (5848)

On 06/06/2012 at 10:19am - misc - by Bishop (man) -

Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we have sex. Now everytime we have sex, he whispers "Bacon..." in my ear. FML

#19719748
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15131) - you deserved it (28604)

On 06/02/2012 at 6:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, I was playing an online game in nothing but my boxers, when suddenly a girl joined my team. I immediately felt embarrassed and put some pants on. There were no webcams involved. I need to get out more. FML

#19713389
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18324) - you deserved it (12078)

On 06/01/2012 at 12:48am - misc - by furred (man) - Philippines

Today, I was to give a presentation to several of my company's senior employees. The moment I stood up, I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart that lasted a good two or three seconds. When I tried to utter an apology, I clammed up and let out a whiny grunt. They were not amused. FML

#19668387
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22915) - you deserved it (4705)

On 05/23/2012 at 4:38pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, as part of my medical anatomy course, I had to give a presentation about an STD and the effects it has on women. The class was comprised almost entirely of girls. I become extremely anxious and accidentally stated "Vaginas are smelly" as my opening statement. FML

#19637447
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14895) - you deserved it (26341)

On 05/17/2012 at 4:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, a pigeon got into my apartment. After knocking over a very expensive vase, it panicked, rammed itself against a window, and shat all over the floor as it tried to get out. FML

#19611512
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21008) - you deserved it (1907)

On 05/12/2012 at 12:01pm - animals - by Eric Ngan - Singapore

Today, I had to excuse myself from the classroom so I could have a quick wank. This was because I somehow got extremely horny during a lesson on frog reproduction. FML

#19598772
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11886) - you deserved it (37879)

On 05/09/2012 at 6:19pm - intimacy - by polimeros (man) - Mexico (Queretaro de Arteaga)

Today, I finally found out what the horrible smell at work was. A rat had decided to make its home in our emergency exit sign and had been fried by the electricity. I now have to fix this. Hello scorched dead rat. FML

#19569212
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21185) - you deserved it (1773)

On 05/03/2012 at 5:17pm - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after a lot of begging, I finally convinced my husband to shave all of his pubes off. Now I can't even look at it without laughing, and he's mad at me for making him do it. FML

#19552078
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7194) - you deserved it (51025)

On 04/30/2012 at 4:25am - intimacy - by kdehshaden (woman) - United States

Today, at a concert, I got into a fight with a man in a banana suit. FML

#19546385
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9780) - you deserved it (18338)

On 04/29/2012 at 5:45am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I introduced my Spanish friend to a girl I've had a crush on for a long time. Because he only spoke Spanish and she only spoke English, I was the translator. The first thing he said to her was, "You are really pretty." I translated it as "I like other men." Later, they found out. FML

#19470748
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9017) - you deserved it (41746)

On 04/15/2012 at 2:49am - love - by needurlove (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I picked up my daughter from preschool. Her teacher handed me her nap blankets and mentioned there was an extra article of clothing I might want to take home. I looked in-between the blankets and saw a pair of my giant granny panties that had gotten mixed in with her stuff. FML

#19462191
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18895) - you deserved it (4008)

On 04/13/2012 at 5:10pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML

#19406343
339 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8249) - you deserved it (37474)

On 04/04/2012 at 12:14pm - misc - by woohoo420 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got sexually excited thinking about what kind of donuts I wanted to get in the morning. FML

#19381776
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23734) - you deserved it (10367)

On 03/31/2012 at 11:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States



FML's blog

  • Tania's illustrated FML
  • Hi gang! How are you all doing? This week has been quite eventful for some people. Uber has been causing taxi drivers here and there to get their knickers in a twist, notable over here in France, which caused…

Friday 26 June 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: