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itsalanis

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itsalanis

5Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 June 1992 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 8181
  • Number of comments : 231
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.

itsalanis's page activity

Visits<b>frassie95</b> - 14 hours ago<b>jen1097</b> - 15 hours ago<b>amanda810</b> - yesterday at 7:04am<b>Lustig_Junge</b> - yesterday at 2:31am<b>Iwtumn</b> - yesterday at 4:49pm<b>fuzz557</b> - the 02/12/2016 at 5:54am<b>Dynosaur_dollie</b> - the 02/11/2016 at 4:54pm<b>DejaRenee</b> - the 02/10/2016 at 7:21pm<b>ievster</b> - the 02/09/2016 at 5:57pm<b>Steffi3</b> - the 02/09/2016 at 3:31pm<b>22JB</b> - the 02/06/2016 at 3:49pm<b>lenardMcCravits</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 8:20pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 01/17/2016 at 11:47am<b>invadermaythe1st</b> - the 01/17/2016 at 8:08am<b>ChippyChoppy</b> - the 01/15/2016 at 5:28am<b>OwlsMakeBowels</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 10:57am<b>wolfchick1709</b> - the 01/02/2016 at 3:55am<b>PDSot</b> - the 12/28/2015 at 7:59pm

Fucked!<b>Seabass_Chan</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 8:47am<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/06/2015 at 5:43am<b>blahblah005</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 4:05am<b>martin8337</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 6:28am<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 2:42am

itsalanis's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

Facebook

Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

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itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, I realized that if I died tomorrow, the only photos available for my funeral would be crappy family Christmas portraits, acne-filled yearbook photos, and several pictures from my MySpace days, where I'm sporting coontails and looking paler than Edward Cullen's ass. FML

#20016902
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20681) - you deserved it (7869)

On 08/12/2012 at 1:31pm - misc - by kherien (woman) - United States

Today, my insane boss decided I poop too much. Now, every time I go to the bathroom, he follows me in and tries to get me to hurry up by reading passages from 50 Shades of Grey. FML

#20009332
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32527) - you deserved it (3471)

On 08/08/2012 at 9:53am - work - by blakeintheoffice - United States

Today, I decided to have some fun by joining a Harry Potter forum and making a thread saying it's all for little kids. When I checked back later, my post had been edited into me tearfully coming out of the closet, and some guy had said he'd passed my details on to Anonymous. FML

#20004185
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6604) - you deserved it (38180)

On 08/05/2012 at 4:21pm - misc - by icybrent94 (man) - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)

Today, I was rotated to the graveyard shift at my job. My only co-worker is a twenty-something Paris Hilton wannabe who won't shut up about her belief that she's the reincarnation of Whitney Houston. FML

#20002582
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25450) - you deserved it (1854)

On 08/04/2012 at 6:15pm - misc - by bellsucker - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I found out that I'm allergic to bacon. FML

#19903031
313 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68281) - you deserved it (5656)

On 07/07/2012 at 12:45am - health - by Dammit - United States (California)

Today, I was brutally dumped over webcam, by my boyfriend, who was taking a dump with the laptop on his lap. FML

#19899263
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29262) - you deserved it (2760)

On 07/06/2012 at 6:51am - love - by Toilettrash (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed making out. He then tried to unhook my bra. After a full minute of trying unsuccessfully, he shouted "Fuck you, bra!" before hiding his face in the pillows. FML

#19877341
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37205) - you deserved it (5224)

On 07/01/2012 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I discovered my cat's favorite hobby: sitting butthole-first on my favorite makeup brush. FML

#19870178
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25080) - you deserved it (3261)

On 06/30/2012 at 4:10am - misc - by audreyav - United States (Oregon)

Today, I saw a large spider carry away the body of a dead spider in the bathroom. In my anthropology class, we learned one of the first signs of civilization is caring for the dead. First, they become civilized, and next, they take over. I will never sleep again. FML

Today, I fell asleep while on the toilet at work. When I woke up, I tried to quietly sneak back to my desk, only to be caught by my boss. He immediately sent me packing and gave his "best wishes" for me in the unemployment line. FML

#19835247
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10401) - you deserved it (30725)

On 06/23/2012 at 6:21pm - work - by XoXonedirectionXoXo (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I made a phone call in my office to my doctor. He wanted to call a prescription to my pharmacy, but wanted to know by what method I would prefer my medication. During our conversation, a group of potential clients walked in just as I exclaimed "I definitely prefer oral." FML

#19827814
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26506) - you deserved it (3534)

On 06/22/2012 at 3:28am - work - by me - United States (Indiana)

Today, I tried to go to the gym, but I ended up watching cat videos on YouTube for three hours. FML

#19791305
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11358) - you deserved it (37820)

On 06/15/2012 at 7:27am - health - by latino14 - United States (Maryland)

Today, I fell asleep on the bus. When I woke up, my head was resting on the broad, tanned shoulder of the smoking hot guy sitting next to me. I had drooled a little. FML

#19780908
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26778) - you deserved it (4808)

On 06/13/2012 at 5:08am - misc - by pandora (woman) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML

#19763294
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35073) - you deserved it (5296)

On 06/10/2012 at 12:13am - intimacy - by rachiej8 - United States (Vermont)



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