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itsalanis

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itsalanis

1Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 June 1992 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4263
  • Number of comments : 165
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to call me Alanis instead.

itsalanis's page activity

Visits<b>MentalMonkey333</b> - the 12/15/2014 at 3:25am<b>fuckingoboys</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 8:55pm<b>oops6663</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 1:47pm<b>Vegetarian27</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 5:07am<b>MrSassypants</b> - the 12/13/2014 at 6:24pm<b>Saraj07</b> - the 12/13/2014 at 3:41pm<b>Rallred32</b> - the 12/13/2014 at 2:52pm<b>dandee_one</b> - the 12/13/2014 at 2:18pm<b>ruckfules85</b> - the 11/13/2014 at 9:22am<b>FrutLoopDingus</b> - the 11/09/2014 at 12:23pm<b>stevothedevo</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 1:50am<b>mordecaiandrigby</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 3:26pm<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 10/09/2014 at 8:42pm<b>jack123456789</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 3:54am<b>crushcrusher</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 2:14am<b>PerditaDessa</b> - the 09/02/2014 at 10:00pm<b>ctck</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 8:05pm<b>RandEm2497</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 9:06pm

Liked!<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 2:42am

itsalanis's FML badges

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You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of itsalanis's badges

itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, I introduced my Spanish friend to a girl I've had a crush on for a long time. Because he only spoke Spanish and she only spoke English, I was the translator. The first thing he said to her was, "You are really pretty." I translated it as "I like other men." Later, they found out. FML

#19470748
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8960) - you deserved it (41510)

On 04/15/2012 at 2:49am - love - by needurlove (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I picked up my daughter from preschool. Her teacher handed me her nap blankets and mentioned there was an extra article of clothing I might want to take home. I looked in-between the blankets and saw a pair of my giant granny panties that had gotten mixed in with her stuff. FML

#19462191
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18732) - you deserved it (3988)

On 04/13/2012 at 5:10pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML

#19406343
336 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7946) - you deserved it (36552)

On 04/04/2012 at 12:14pm - misc - by woohoo420 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got sexually excited thinking about what kind of donuts I wanted to get in the morning. FML

#19381776
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21818) - you deserved it (9951)

On 03/31/2012 at 11:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I wore my new Brazilian thong bikini to the pool for the first time. I was lying face down feeling so sexy, until flies started buzzing my butt. FML

#19344343
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8877) - you deserved it (32813)

On 03/25/2012 at 11:34am - misc - by BookBabe (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a client shouted at me over something that had nothing to do with me. She put such effort into shouting that she farted in my office. FML

#19331410
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22075) - you deserved it (1753)

On 03/23/2012 at 5:44am - work - by ANNIEDBD - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, as I turned the shower on, I got covered in gravy. Turns out, my friends had unscrewed the shower head, filled it with gravy granules, then screwed it back on. FML

#19319473
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25508) - you deserved it (2855)

On 03/21/2012 at 7:46am - health - by J Rush - United Kingdom (Powys)

Today, I was calling my husband while driving. While the phone rang, I farted. As soon as the horrid smell hit my nose, my husband answered. I panicked and hung up quickly, thinking to myself how embarrassed I was because he could smell it. I'm an idiot. FML

#19282725
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7737) - you deserved it (32822)

On 03/15/2012 at 1:49pm - misc - by StinkyandStupid - United States

Today, I watched Gigli. FML

#19259305
267 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7880) - you deserved it (25377)

On 03/11/2012 at 7:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, in the locker room at work, someone tried writing "douche bag" on my locker, and misspelled it four times before apparently giving up. FML

#19255450
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21678) - you deserved it (1841)

On 03/11/2012 at 1:39am - work - by The Last One (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML

#19249528
596 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23244) - you deserved it (53038)

On 03/10/2012 at 2:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, while I was on the floor stocking a bottom shelf, a man walked up behind me and humped the back of my head. He ran away laughing. This kind of shit happens all the time. I hate my job. FML

#19218186
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28105) - you deserved it (2528)

On 03/05/2012 at 12:12am - work - by cero_kewl - United States

Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML

#19207930
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30138) - you deserved it (9456)

On 03/03/2012 at 8:55am - misc - by scaredshitless (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, I had a dream about the damn cappuccino machine at work. FML

#19170840
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18784) - you deserved it (3396)

On 02/26/2012 at 9:43pm - misc - by slickrick22 (man) - United States

Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML

#19154069
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9405) - you deserved it (32664)

On 02/24/2012 at 2:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)



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