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itsalanis

Offline (the 07/19/2014 at 4:15pm) | Search for a member

itsalanis

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 June 1992 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2757
  • Number of comments : 158
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to call me Alanis instead.

itsalanis's page activity

Visits<b>Rernokk</b> - yesterday at 3:48am<b>Miss_Brii</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 5:06pm<b>KazuTrumpet1512</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 4:03am<b>Aleys</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 8:46pm<b>Clay_Pidgeon</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 6:17pm<b>gantoman</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 5:43pm<b>tea_brewer</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 4:53pm<b>siberianhamster</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 10:51am<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 10:35am<b>arrrrrlennie</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 4:10am<b>tuckit</b> - the 07/08/2014 at 5:07am<b>sammy1021</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 3:21pm<b>Wizardo</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 1:58pm<b>dante_53</b> - the 06/11/2014 at 1:40pm<b>Ghosty546</b> - the 06/11/2014 at 10:38am<b>SalsaVerdeDonut</b> - the 06/11/2014 at 7:24am<b>onealmxwilson</b> - the 06/10/2014 at 12:26pm<b>kissmeImawkward</b> - the 06/02/2014 at 7:28pm

itsalanis's FML badges

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You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of itsalanis's badges

itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML

#19207930
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27052) - you deserved it (8870)

On 03/03/2012 at 8:55am - misc - by scaredshitless (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, I had a dream about the damn cappuccino machine at work. FML

#19170840
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18141) - you deserved it (3311)

On 02/26/2012 at 9:43pm - misc - by slickrick22 (man) - United States

Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML

#19154069
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8800) - you deserved it (30946)

On 02/24/2012 at 2:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I got scared by my own leg fat. FML

#19144549
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7795) - you deserved it (25178)

On 02/23/2012 at 6:29am - misc - by wobble... - Australia

Today, I discovered how startling it is to wake up by having your cat springboard off your face. The intended prey? Two fornicating geckos on the ceiling. FML

Today, Target asked me if I would do the closing announcement. I've only been working there a little while, so excited I agreed. I told people, "The store is now closing, thank you for shopping at Walmart." FML

#19088946
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14413) - you deserved it (27021)

On 02/15/2012 at 9:03pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I fought back with words against a bully. He cried, and I got detention. FML

#19085871
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31784) - you deserved it (2274)

On 02/15/2012 at 2:26pm - misc - by sharpie2792 - United States

Today, I walked out onto the driveway to find my mom standing on the wet pavement, screaming at the worms that had come out after the rain, saying that they were "on private property" and that they were "trespassing." All of our neighbors had come out of their houses to watch. FML

#19085397
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24720) - you deserved it (1797)

On 02/15/2012 at 12:47pm - misc - by jess (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, my friend and I were playing Oregon Trail online. I googled "dysentery", and sent her an IM about the mind-blowing number of cartoons of people violently shitting everywhere. I accidentally sent it to my aunt. FML

#19048896
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5728) - you deserved it (17248)

On 02/11/2012 at 2:10pm - misc - by Gabby (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I sat in my boss' office as he bitched me out for being "too sarcastic" to our customers. After nearly half an hour of him criticizing my "piss-poor attitude," he asked me what I was going to do to fix it. Without thinking, I said, "Your mom." Now I'm jobless again. FML

#19042299
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6863) - you deserved it (48798)

On 02/10/2012 at 4:33pm - work - by great - United States

Today, I caught my boyfriend trying on my bra. He still has no excuse. FML

#19023542
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22495) - you deserved it (3432)

On 02/08/2012 at 12:04am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I had to have a serious talk with my boyfriend about his Miley Cyrus obsession. FML

#19008453
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24485) - you deserved it (3885)

On 02/06/2012 at 5:08am - love - by Madzison (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I accidentally told my mom to ejaculate the flash drive from the PC. FML

#18976293
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16702) - you deserved it (21109)

On 02/02/2012 at 1:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - India

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

#18954927
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29117) - you deserved it (4769)

On 01/30/2012 at 7:25pm - intimacy - by ugh (man) - United States

Today, I learnt there's a woman who comes into my store only to hear my Barry White-like voice. My boss knows who it is, yet refuses to tell me because it's "hilarious." I'm now cautious of every customer. FML

#18950332
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20117) - you deserved it (2792)

On 01/30/2012 at 4:00am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)



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