About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to call me Alanis instead.
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100 kick ass comments
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Perfectionist
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Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8510) - you deserved it (24436)
On 01/30/2010 at 3:47am - misc - by Wowsers. (woman) - United Kingdom (Blackpool)
Today, I woke up with a hangover. I had a party last night. Besides a stolen TV, someone seemingly decided to take a dump in my piano. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10427) - you deserved it (18918)
On 01/28/2010 at 6:00am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Telemark)
Today, my boyfriend kept trying to convince me to do anal with him. After denying him several times he told me "Why it feels good, trust me." I asked him how would he know. There was a long awkward silence when he then replied with "I'm not gay I swear." FML
I agree, your life sucks (23047) - you deserved it (3235)
On 01/25/2010 at 3:47am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I went to get my friend a drink while she sat in the lounge watching TV with my dog. When I came back, I found her licking my dogs ears. She said he dared her to do it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20381) - you deserved it (2226)
On 01/24/2010 at 7:28am - animals - by CheeseMonsters (woman) - United Kingdom (Reading)
Today, my sister won a bet. She bet my best friend a burrito that I wouldn't lose my virginity within a year. I am twenty and have to drive my friend to Del Taco so he can buy my sister her victory burrito cause I didn't get laid. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11474) - you deserved it (2708)
On 01/14/2010 at 10:47am - intimacy - by Jaayoung23 - Sent from mobile version
Today, I woke up feeling extremely nauseous. When I started to feel better, I felt like I needed to spit. I went into the bathroom and opened the toilet to see someone had taken a giant crap the night before and forgotten to flush. The smell made me vomit all over my feet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20016) - you deserved it (2203)
On 01/09/2010 at 11:11am - health - by Michelle (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was texting this guy that I hooked up with yesterday. We were gonna do it again but he had basketball practice. I was talking to my friend about it, and sent her a text saying "Oh well. I have explosive diarrhea anyways." She wasn't replying, so I checked my sent box. I sent it to him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5852) - you deserved it (12752)
On 01/08/2010 at 12:09am - intimacy - by weeble_wobbles09 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was fined because my son pushed the alarm button in the elevator. Why? There was a spider in there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20364) - you deserved it (2477)
On 01/02/2010 at 10:22pm - kids - by arachnidphobia (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, i started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11359) - you deserved it (3248)
On 12/22/2009 at 8:09pm - intimacy - by shallowvomit1013 (man) - United States (South Carolina)
Today, I saw a roach on my toilet. I thought it would be funny to pee on it. It jumped out, which scared me; I hit my head on the wall and started bleeding, then I peed all over me and the wall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6254) - you deserved it (30693)
On 12/22/2009 at 2:18pm - misc - by funyfunkid (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I went to the doctor to check the dark growth I just discovered on my back. It was chocolate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4414) - you deserved it (28497)
On 12/13/2009 at 10:53pm - health - by sillygoose (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my manager sent me a text message with a picture of Santa masturbating, with a message that said he wished me a white Christmas. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15537) - you deserved it (3248)
On 11/22/2009 at 4:15am - intimacy - by lonewolf2701 - United States
Today, I told my boyfriend how happy I was with him. He responded by pulling down his pants and slapping his ass. I have no idea what that was supposed to mean. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26586) - you deserved it (4303)
On 11/12/2009 at 2:11am - love - by neuroticallyours (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was playing football for my school. I had the ball and was running down the sideline. The guy behind pulled my flag off along with my shorts and boxers. I dove to try to escape and I happened to land on the hottest girl in the class who was on the sideline. I had no pants on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23821) - you deserved it (3322)
On 11/11/2009 at 10:05pm - misc - by DangerZone (man) - United States (California)
Today, my "future" wife got drunk in front of my parents, who she was meeting for the first time. She called my dad a piece of shit and told my mom she wants to tear her own eyes out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25374) - you deserved it (3976)
On 10/12/2009 at 10:52am - misc - by shocked (man) - United States (Nebraska)
Monday 20 May 2013
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