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itsalanis

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itsalanis
  • Town/Country : Denver, USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 June 1992 (21 years)
  • Number of visits : 1865
  • Number of comments : 141
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to call me Alanis instead.

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itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, I was to give a presentation to several of my company's senior employees. The moment I stood up, I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart that lasted a good two or three seconds. When I tried to utter an apology, I clammed up and let out a whiny grunt. They were not amused. FML

#19668387
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18728) - you deserved it (4098)

On 05/23/2012 at 4:38pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, as part of my medical anatomy course, I had to give a presentation about an STD and the effects it has on women. The class was comprised almost entirely of girls. I become extremely anxious and accidentally stated "Vaginas are smelly" as my opening statement. FML

#19637447
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12994) - you deserved it (23297)

On 05/17/2012 at 4:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, a pigeon got into my apartment. After knocking over a very expensive vase, it panicked, rammed itself against a window, and shat all over the floor as it tried to get out. FML

#19611512
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17722) - you deserved it (1647)

On 05/12/2012 at 12:01pm - animals - by Eric Ngan - Singapore

Today, I had to excuse myself from the classroom so I could have a quick wank. This was because I somehow got extremely horny during a lesson on frog reproduction. FML

#19598772
280 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10287) - you deserved it (34845)

On 05/09/2012 at 6:19pm - intimacy - by polimeros (man) - Mexico (Queretaro de Arteaga)

Today, I finally found out what the horrible smell at work was. A rat had decided to make its home in our emergency exit sign and had been fried by the electricity. I now have to fix this. Hello scorched dead rat. FML

#19569212
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17350) - you deserved it (1461)

On 05/03/2012 at 5:17pm - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after a lot of begging, I finally convinced my husband to shave all of his pubes off. Now I can't even look at it without laughing, and he's mad at me for making him do it. FML

#19552078
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6083) - you deserved it (47159)

On 04/30/2012 at 4:25am - intimacy - by kdehshaden (woman) - United States

Today, at a concert, I got into a fight with a man in a banana suit. FML

#19546385
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8606) - you deserved it (15995)

On 04/29/2012 at 5:45am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I introduced my Spanish friend to a girl I've had a crush on for a long time. Because he only spoke Spanish and she only spoke English, I was the translator. The first thing he said to her was, "You are really pretty." I translated it as "I like other men." Later, they found out. FML

#19470748
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6942) - you deserved it (29621)

On 04/15/2012 at 2:49am - love - by needurlove (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I picked up my daughter from preschool. Her teacher handed me her nap blankets and mentioned there was an extra article of clothing I might want to take home. I looked in-between the blankets and saw a pair of my giant granny panties that had gotten mixed in with her stuff. FML

#19462191
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14853) - you deserved it (3390)

On 04/13/2012 at 5:10pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML

#19406343
337 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7201) - you deserved it (34310)

On 04/04/2012 at 12:14pm - misc - by woohoo420 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got sexually excited thinking about what kind of donuts I wanted to get in the morning. FML

#19381776
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20171) - you deserved it (9621)

On 03/31/2012 at 11:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I wore my new Brazilian thong bikini to the pool for the first time. I was lying face down feeling so sexy, until flies started buzzing my butt. FML

#19344343
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7313) - you deserved it (28353)

On 03/25/2012 at 11:34am - misc - by BookBabe (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a client shouted at me over something that had nothing to do with me. She put such effort into shouting that she farted in my office. FML

#19331410
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19123) - you deserved it (1532)

On 03/23/2012 at 5:44am - work - by ANNIEDBD - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, as I turned the shower on, I got covered in gravy. Turns out, my friends had unscrewed the shower head, filled it with gravy granules, then screwed it back on. FML

#19319473
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22275) - you deserved it (2558)

On 03/21/2012 at 7:46am - health - by J Rush - United Kingdom (Powys)

Today, I was calling my husband while driving. While the phone rang, I farted. As soon as the horrid smell hit my nose, my husband answered. I panicked and hung up quickly, thinking to myself how embarrassed I was because he could smell it. I'm an idiot. FML

#19282725
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6948) - you deserved it (30714)

On 03/15/2012 at 1:49pm - misc - by StinkyandStupid - United States



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