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itsalanis

Offline (the 07/19/2014 at 4:15pm) | Search for a member

itsalanis

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 June 1992 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2824
  • Number of comments : 158
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to call me Alanis instead.

itsalanis's page activity

Visits<b>Rernokk</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 3:48am<b>Miss_Brii</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 5:06pm<b>KazuTrumpet1512</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 4:03am<b>Aleys</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 8:46pm<b>Clay_Pidgeon</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 6:17pm<b>gantoman</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 5:43pm<b>tea_brewer</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 4:53pm<b>siberianhamster</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 10:51am<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 10:35am<b>arrrrrlennie</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 4:10am<b>tuckit</b> - the 07/08/2014 at 5:07am<b>sammy1021</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 3:21pm<b>Wizardo</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 1:58pm<b>dante_53</b> - the 06/11/2014 at 1:40pm<b>Ghosty546</b> - the 06/11/2014 at 10:38am<b>SalsaVerdeDonut</b> - the 06/11/2014 at 7:24am<b>onealmxwilson</b> - the 06/10/2014 at 12:26pm<b>kissmeImawkward</b> - the 06/02/2014 at 7:28pm

itsalanis's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of itsalanis's badges

itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, I got into a fight with a lawn chair. It won. FML

#20961117
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29000) - you deserved it (10797)

On 11/17/2013 at 5:07pm - misc - by what_a_loner - Canada (Ontario)

Today, working as a cashier, I had a customer come through and ask to purchase a bag of ice. I asked, "Eight pound or twenty pound?", referring to the clearly marked weight of the bags. He replied, "What's the difference?" FML

#20955463
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34337) - you deserved it (2855)

On 11/12/2013 at 6:56pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML

#20946225
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43017) - you deserved it (5217)

On 11/05/2013 at 8:22am - work - by regretsteachinghighschool - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my ex boyfriend got into a physical fight with the guy I've been casually seeing for 9 months. Afterwards, they had a beer, a long chat, and decided this was my fault and I wasn't worth the drama. FML

#20933266
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42798) - you deserved it (19258)

On 10/25/2013 at 7:54am - love - by what did I do? - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I tried Ambien for the first time. I now have to apologize to most of my exes for excessively rambling emails about getting together for some naked Twister. FML

#20929399
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31320) - you deserved it (10544)

On 10/21/2013 at 8:12pm - health - by OutOfMyMind (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my job application got denied once again. I looked over it, and saw that my roommate added "screwing over customers" and "hiding dead bodies" under my skills. FML

#20927127
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42314) - you deserved it (6311)

On 10/20/2013 at 2:21am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up with a raging hangover. I soon checked my phone, only to find that I'd drunkenly sent nude pictures to several friends' numbers, as well as to my own. I'd then replied to my own message, saying that I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off. FML

#20925183
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26942) - you deserved it (38687)

On 10/18/2013 at 1:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, during a family dinner, my 5-year-old son excitedly told everyone that I let him use my "douche" last week. My parents glared at me in anger and horror, and only after they left did I find out that his brother had told him that's what my loofah is called. FML

#20915293
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38520) - you deserved it (3125)

On 10/10/2013 at 4:00pm - kids - by Lady Douche of Asscrackington (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my new deodorant caused an allergic reaction, covering my armpits in a painful rash. I've had to awkwardly waddle around all day with my arms splayed outwards to get any relief. One customer at work sarcastically mentioned that it's nice that they're hiring penguins these days. FML

#20909610
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39296) - you deserved it (3326)

On 10/06/2013 at 1:40pm - health - by _/ | \_ (woman) - Singapore

Today, the Internet wasn't working. One girl decided to try to diagnose the problem. It said to connect the Ethernet cable. She started making fun of the computer for spelling "Internet" wrong. I'm graduating with this idiot in less than a month. FML

#20886445
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41441) - you deserved it (2804)

On 09/18/2013 at 10:57am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my grandparents came over for a family dinner. I'm somewhat overweight, and my grandma kept making sound effects in time with me doing pretty much anything. When I complained to my dad after she made a long farting sound as I sat down, he told me to suck it up. FML

#20879598
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39676) - you deserved it (6418)

On 09/13/2013 at 1:06pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Ireland (Donegal)

Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML

#20861263
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42941) - you deserved it (7327)

On 08/31/2013 at 2:04am - misc - by fartz (woman) - United States

Today, I caught my sister eating crayons. She's 19. FML

#20858152
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38660) - you deserved it (2734)

On 08/28/2013 at 5:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I walked into my new office for the first time after receiving the promotion I've been trying for. Someone took a dump on my desk. FML

#20857349
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44320) - you deserved it (3235)

On 08/28/2013 at 12:06am - work - by DefinitelyNotDogshit (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I could hear my daughter playing with her Barbie dolls in her room. "Do you think your boss will agree to give you a raise?", she said. "Of course, we slept together!" My daughter is six. FML

#20856377
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48429) - you deserved it (8051) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/27/2013 at 6:32am - kids - by Poly24 - Sent from mobile version



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