About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.
itsalanis's FML badges
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
itsalanis's favorite FMLs
Today, after carefully, and might I say, expertly removing all the hair from my girlfriend's genitals, she decided to try and "Nair" my balls. 24 hours later and I still can't walk properly and my balls look like they were involved in a severe kitchen incident. FML
by davetherave1983 / 09/09/2015 at 1:09am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Health
by zaynemaliksvagina / 06/24/2015 at 1:10pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I heard my sister screaming from the basement, "Don't you hit me, you asshole!" Knowing her boyfriend was over, I ran downstairs with my baseball bat, ready to smash the fucker hitting my sister. Turns out they were just playing Mario Kart and he rammed her off the edge of a bridge. FML
by baberuth / 06/19/2015 at 6:21pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my District Manager was impressed by all the appointments in my upcoming calendar. Bubbling with pride, I blurted out "Oh, I just love to have all my slots filled!" The awkward silence was only broken by "That's what she said!" from the next cubicle. FML
by officeditz / 06/03/2015 at 9:59pm / United States (Florida) / Work
by Random737193 / 05/07/2015 at 3:52pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
by soontobewidow / 03/28/2015 at 5:20am / Turkey (Istanbul) / Intimacy
by noway / 03/22/2015 at 12:03am / United States (California) / Health
by Anonymous / 02/27/2015 at 2:37pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by itsemilyc / 02/02/2015 at 2:34pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by grossedout / 02/01/2015 at 6:10pm / United States (Virginia) / Health
Today, I signed into my online class, got bored, and took off my headphones to argue with my roommates about anal sex. At the end of the argument, I put my headphones back on to hear my professor asking if someone could call me to tell me to turn my damn mic off. FML
by EvilBubbles / 01/08/2015 at 10:45pm / Trinidad and Tobago (Port-of-Spain) / Intimacy
by whut / 12/23/2014 at 3:58pm / United States / Work
by Nicole / 12/13/2014 at 10:20am / United States / Intimacy
Today, while using a public toilet, a guy started pissing beside me at the urinal. The breach of bathroom etiquette then escalated to him taking a long look down at me and saying "Nice sack, dude." followed by him finishing up and leaving without even washing his hands. FML
by Anonymous / 11/20/2014 at 11:35am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/10/2014 at 9:28am / Germany (Berlin) / Love
- Today, my mother took me to go and see my grandfather, who I hadn't seen since I was 4. The first… Today, in an attempt to spice up our relationship, I tied my boyfriend up and did a strip tease for… Today, I had my wisdom teeth removed. The sympathetic words from my boyfriend asked if this meant I…