About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to call me Alanis instead.
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100 kick ass comments
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Today, I found out that the catchy Japanese song I've been obsessed with for the past week is actually about a dildo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35507) - you deserved it (14920)
On 04/17/2013 at 1:40pm - misc - by KatiRozz1 (woman) - United Kingdom (Middlesbrough)
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40611) - you deserved it (4301)
On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my boss threatened to fire me for killing him in Minecraft. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29722) - you deserved it (5480)
On 04/02/2013 at 6:30am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, my neighbours came to yell at me as they could hear my "shit music" through my window during the afternoon, so I turned it off. They then began to play their definition of "quality music" into the late hours of the night. I was listening to the Beatles. They blasted Nicki Minaj. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45939) - you deserved it (3285)
On 03/31/2013 at 2:24am - misc - by BornInTheWrongEra (woman) - United States
Today, I was violently throwing up due to severe morning sickness. My boyfriend looked at me, then turned and walked away. In the end, my daughter gave me some paper towel and her juice. My 18-month-old is more supportive of my pregnancy than her 30-year-old father. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32080) - you deserved it (4809)
On 03/27/2013 at 3:34pm - misc - by InfamousLastWord (woman) - United States
Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34329) - you deserved it (3684)
On 03/27/2013 at 4:00am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, and I excitedly called my mother to tell her about our engagement. She half-heartedly said, "Aww, that's nice", before changing the topic to what she'd found in her turd earlier. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26136) - you deserved it (1514)
On 03/07/2013 at 12:10pm - love - by it's shitty, yeah, stfu (man) - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)
Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34687) - you deserved it (3339)
On 03/05/2013 at 7:07pm - kids - by cjw - United States
Today, my wife packed my lunch. Inside of my lunchbox was a photo of her eating my sandwiches. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30189) - you deserved it (6125)
On 03/01/2013 at 2:18am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, my mom tried to convince my dad that I was a lesbian. Why? Because she was bored. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25611) - you deserved it (2908)
On 02/25/2013 at 11:14am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I lost a bet with my friends. I had to go to the super market and buy a copy of 50 Shades of Grey along with a cucumber. The cashier was trying so hard not to laugh while ringing me up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33509) - you deserved it (7833)
On 02/21/2013 at 8:43am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)
Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting his parents. I'm nervous around them so he encouraged me to drink so I'd loosen up. I got so drunk I tore up all the things in his old room I thought were from ex-girlfriends and accidentally flashed his dad my crotch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6731) - you deserved it (37128)
On 02/13/2013 at 12:07am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)
Today, it's my boyfriend's birthday. He really likes Legend of Zelda, so I put on a Link hat, took my clothes off, and waited for him at his place. He came home with a hooker. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43439) - you deserved it (2640)
On 02/11/2013 at 12:08pm - love - by excusemeprincess (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (29800) - you deserved it (1426)
On 01/27/2013 at 11:36pm - kids - by andy (woman) - United States (California)
Today, at an open mic comedy club, my jokes went down so poorly that someone decided to hurl a chair at me on-stage. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21402) - you deserved it (10281)
On 01/18/2013 at 7:26pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Iceland
Monday 20 May 2013
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