itsalanis

Search for a member

Online

itsalanis

9Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 June 1992 (24 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 9937
  • Number of comments : 243
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.

itsalanis's page activity

Visits<b>French_giirl</b> - 25 minutes ago<b>yuno_gasai</b> - 5 hours ago<b>wellthisisntgood</b> - 7 hours ago<b>AzureDawn</b> - the 08/17/2016 at 3:11pm<b>Iwtumn</b> - the 08/17/2016 at 12:28pm<b>hiddenUSERNAME</b> - the 08/15/2016 at 6:57am<b>fishingforubies2</b> - the 08/14/2016 at 9:21pm<b>the_aspect</b> - the 08/13/2016 at 8:10pm<b>Sansa_Kroma</b> - the 08/13/2016 at 4:33pm<b>ImKimitheEmo</b> - the 07/31/2016 at 8:59pm<b>Butterflies777</b> - the 07/21/2016 at 6:16pm<b>yanalynch</b> - the 07/20/2016 at 6:00am<b>2simz</b> - the 07/14/2016 at 11:15pm<b>JazzlaWazz</b> - the 07/06/2016 at 1:36pm<b>Tripartita</b> - the 07/05/2016 at 9:39pm<b>gradius1002</b> - the 06/15/2016 at 5:28pm<b>ebroks</b> - the 06/05/2016 at 4:32am<b>Imagino1234</b> - the 06/03/2016 at 1:39pm

Fucked!<b>wellthisisntgood</b> - 55 minutes ago<b>the_aspect</b> - the 05/24/2016 at 5:57am<b>Sansa_Kroma</b> - the 04/09/2016 at 3:47pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/15/2016 at 6:17am<b>Seabass_Chan</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 8:47am<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/06/2015 at 5:43am<b>blahblah005</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 4:05am<b>martin8337</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 6:28am<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 2:42am

itsalanis's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

Facebook

Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.

See all of itsalanis's badges

itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off and decided to give us both a lecture about it. My brother ended up saying "If god doesn't want me to jerk off, how come he made my knob the perfect shape to fit in my hand?" I burst out laughing and now we're both grounded. FML

by Anonymous / 08/23/2016 at 4:38am / Intimacy

Today, I found out that my new roommate likes to put candy on the floor, let ants crawl all over it, and eats it. Ants and all. FML

by Funyearahead / 08/08/2016 at 8:44am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to hide some Oreos inside my bra to motivate my husband to get close to me. FML

by . / 08/05/2016 at 12:57pm / Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz) / Intimacy

Today, I was talking to a customer, when I choked on my spit. After I could breathe again I was so embarrassed I said the first thing that popped into my head, which was, "I'm sorry, I don't know how to swallow." FML

by chickfilady / 07/28/2016 at 11:10pm / Work

Today, thanks to the unholy power of autocorrect, I told my mother-in-law that "crispy dick" is on the menu tonight. FML

by Anonymous / 06/17/2016 at 7:29pm / United Kingdom (St. Helens) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend told me that he had sex with my sister, but it's ok because I'm better in bed. He seriously doesn't understand why I dumped his sorry ass. FML

by thegirlwiththedumbassbf / 03/23/2016 at 6:58pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, as a mascot for a pet store, I had to fake my own death to stop a little girl having a temper tantrum because she couldn't take me home. FML

by Wolf6661 / 03/14/2016 at 2:29pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, as a mascot for a pet store, I had to fake my own death to stop a little girl having a temper tantrum because she couldn't take me home. FML

by Wolf6661 / 03/14/2016 at 2:29pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I accidentally forwarded a link to a weird fart porn video to my chat group. They've been silent for 30 minutes now. FML

by Anonymous / 02/06/2016 at 12:55am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I felt kind of horny for once, so I texted my boyfriend to let him know he'd be getting some action later. He replied "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy when I get back!! :D" And just like that my sex drive once again crashed through the floor. FML

by Anonymous / 01/16/2016 at 1:40am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, I was washing my boobs in the shower when I caught my reflection in the mirror. I got super turned on at the sight of my large breasts all soaped up. I'm a man. FML

by Anonymous / 11/23/2015 at 9:19am / Australia (Western Australia) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend called me at work and said, "I hate to do this over the phone..." I burst into tears, thinking he was going to break up with me. Turns out he only ate my last doughnut. Now my co-workers think I'm a weirdo. FML

by Porche / 11/12/2015 at 11:24am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love

Today, my dad got dressed up in formal clothes, and I asked what the occasion was. He said he had a hot date, which would've been fine if he hadn't told me what was "on the menu", namely "wining, dining, sixty-nining". Thanks for that image. FML

by ew / 11/03/2015 at 10:43am / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had my first open job interview, which is when a group of applicants are interviewed together. I also found out that despite being great at one-on-one interviews, I will panic and make myself look like a complete moron when I'm part of a group. FML

by Anonymous / 10/08/2015 at 9:07am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, after carefully, and might I say, expertly removing all the hair from my girlfriend's genitals, she decided to try and "Nair" my balls. 24 hours later and I still can't walk properly and my balls look like they were involved in a severe kitchen incident. FML

by davetherave1983 / 09/09/2015 at 1:09am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Health