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itsalanis

Offline (15 hours ago) | Search for a member

itsalanis

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 11 June 1992 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 6375
  • Number of comments : 171
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.

itsalanis's page activity

Visits<b>devildog562</b> - the 05/24/2015 at 11:02am<b>dakatabg</b> - the 05/23/2015 at 12:30pm<b>joelp232</b> - the 05/19/2015 at 9:29am<b>theslawdawg</b> - the 05/04/2015 at 4:06am<b>sh4rpestl1ves</b> - the 04/30/2015 at 8:15am<b>Cads1</b> - the 04/23/2015 at 4:48pm<b>Indecisionx</b> - the 04/09/2015 at 8:10pm<b>FleibenHolden</b> - the 03/30/2015 at 12:44pm<b>aclark2523</b> - the 03/29/2015 at 9:39pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 03/16/2015 at 3:17pm<b>CoraJ</b> - the 02/15/2015 at 10:33pm<b>Jillian369</b> - the 02/13/2015 at 2:45pm<b>brendejafulable</b> - the 02/13/2015 at 12:38pm<b>njbane</b> - the 01/28/2015 at 3:36pm<b>Tanman334</b> - the 01/26/2015 at 2:11am<b>Wolfparable</b> - the 01/16/2015 at 9:46am<b>ruckfules85</b> - the 01/16/2015 at 9:26am<b>trinalporpus</b> - the 01/13/2015 at 9:41pm

Fucked!<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 2:42am

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itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, a girl asked me to check out her left breast, which she said she'd found a strange lump on. I'm an orthodontist. FML

#21379225
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27582) - you deserved it (2986)

On 03/22/2015 at 12:03am - health - by noway - United States (California)

Today, I signed into my online class, got bored, and took off my headphones to argue with my roommates about anal sex. At the end of the argument, I put my headphones back on to hear my professor asking if someone could call me to tell me to turn my damn mic off. FML

Today, I finally told my boyfriend that he's not very good at dirty talk. He does it every time we have sex and it always turns me off. He started crying. FML

#21316697
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35797) - you deserved it (6517)

On 12/13/2014 at 10:20am - intimacy - by Nicole (woman) - United States

Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML

#21265897
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37293) - you deserved it (3914)

On 09/26/2014 at 4:40pm - misc - by Operation Yewtree here I come (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was asked to order a new lockable cash tin for work. When my boss returned to ask which one I'd selected, I said, "An 8-inch black one". Her giggle said it all. FML

#21265697
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31019) - you deserved it (5770)

On 09/26/2014 at 9:03am - work - by dicksonthebrain (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I sat in on a university-level physics lecture, listening to my hyped-up co-students approximating the hypothetical situation of the Sun consisting of gerbils. The conversation then continued towards how much better energy/mass ratio the gerbil-sun would have compared to the actual star. FML

#21258867
88 comments

Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML

#21255419
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42201) - you deserved it (11766)

On 09/09/2014 at 11:16pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my sister felt guilty and told me about the changes she secretly made to my résumé months ago. She'd put "doing your mom" and "corporate espionage" as my hobbies, and "Justin Bieber's pussy waxer" as a previous job. No wonder I'm still unemployed. FML

#21244565
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40115) - you deserved it (7295)

On 08/24/2014 at 5:50pm - work - by fuck you, tasha (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was doing a design sketch for work. I snapped a pic and sent it to my boss. She replied, "Impressive. Nice sketch too." I was drawing at home, naked. My dick was in the picture. FML

Today, I went to the restroom to pee. A loud fart exploded out of my ass and echoed in the toilet bowl. I could practically feel my face on fire when I saw the horrified look on a little girl's face as I walked out. FML

#21166563
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44494) - you deserved it (6282)

On 06/07/2014 at 10:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my son got in serious trouble after he was caught trying to sell weed to people in the street. The good news is that the "weed" was just actual weeds he'd pulled from our lawn. The bad news is that at age 16, my son is too stupid to know the difference. FML

#21158441
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52720) - you deserved it (7405)

On 05/31/2014 at 5:30pm - kids - by idiot says "you raised him" (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, as I was standing in line at the checkout, the elderly guy in front turned around and said quietly to me, "Sometimes I shit my pants." He then nodded grimly and turned back around, hitting me with the full force of the stench now coming from his pants. FML

#21158187
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42671) - you deserved it (3656)

On 05/31/2014 at 12:39pm - health - by half-dead in CA (man) - United States (California)

Today, my neighbor threatened to call the cops if I didn't turn the volume down on my porno. I was only watching women's tennis. FML

#21157299
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43549) - you deserved it (4920)

On 05/30/2014 at 4:07pm - misc - by Mem (woman) - Sweden (Gavleborgs Lan)

Today, I had to call a plumber out, because my idiot daughter clogged the pipes while trying to flush a hamburger down the toilet. FML

#21142903
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39706) - you deserved it (6530)

On 05/17/2014 at 1:30pm - misc - by her mom raised her (man) - Mexico

Today, I once again had another guy's sweaty crotch pushed into my face. I still don't see why I enjoy wrestling. FML



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