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hrlz001

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hrlz001

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  • Number of visits : 2401
  • Number of comments : 20
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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hrlz001's page activity

Visits<b>Kebby8D</b> - the 03/04/2011 at 2:27pm

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hrlz001's favorite FMLs

Today, I heard someone calling my name. It was my neighbor. Turns out they named their dogs after my mother, my sister and me. FML

#18560105
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28399) - you deserved it (3031)

On 12/20/2011 at 6:49am - misc - by IHopeYourDogsGetDiarrheaAndPoopOnYourBed (woman) - Mauritius

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

#18556841
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8874) - you deserved it (44612)

On 12/19/2011 at 9:29pm - intimacy - by Colton (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, it was my first day working as a nightclub bartender. All through the evening, a really creepy bloke stood in a dark corner and leered at the girls on the dance floor. When I took the bouncer to one side to let him know, he told me the man was a coat stand. FML

#18554140
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11430) - you deserved it (28672)

On 12/19/2011 at 3:57pm - work - by Bob smith (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I saw my neighbor's Christmas tree they had put up on their porch, with decorative presents under it. Being that my neighbors hate me, I figured I would take a present to piss them off. While walking back home with the present, I opened it. Inside it read "I knew you would, douche bag." FML

#18464488
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7782) - you deserved it (70981)

On 12/08/2011 at 10:35pm - misc - by lebato97 - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I told my boyfriend I was ovulating. He said he didn't want to have sex because he was afraid of getting eggs on his penis. He then compared it to having sex with a fish. FML

#18456086
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30940) - you deserved it (4433)

On 12/07/2011 at 9:31pm - intimacy - by journey_Jeanne - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky. He pulled off my panties and was about to go down on me when he said, "Wait, what's this white thing?" It was a piece of toilet paper. FML

#18452488
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35369) - you deserved it (18413)

On 12/07/2011 at 12:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, it was my first time as a hockey referee, for a game played by 7-year-olds. At one point, a little boy tripped another boy. Doing my job, I gave him 2 minutes in the penalty box. After the game, I was attacked by a mob of parents. I was even given an optometrist's business card. FML

#18449960
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23469) - you deserved it (2117)

On 12/07/2011 at 12:26am - work - by gmnesbitt - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend rear ended a cop car because he was texting me. I was sitting next to him. FML

#18397332
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15064) - you deserved it (23734)

On 11/30/2011 at 8:10pm - misc - by yessir - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML

#18370889
267 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37911) - you deserved it (9331)

On 11/27/2011 at 10:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom went through my textbook and sharpied everything that could be "pornographic." It's a high-school biology textbook. FML

#18369717
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28032) - you deserved it (1669)

On 11/27/2011 at 8:07pm - misc - by wow - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend dropped by my work to break up with me. I had to go the rest of my shift with a smile, fighting back tears. I work as the Cinderella at Disney Land. FML

#18358033
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66441) - you deserved it (3220)

On 11/26/2011 at 4:54pm - love - by notsohappilyeverafter - United States (California)

Today, my neighbours kicked my football back over the fence. They'd slashed it and taped a note to the remains that said, "Do it again and it'll be your face." Now I'm scared to play football in my own backyard. FML

#18350483
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24841) - you deserved it (3345)

On 11/25/2011 at 8:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, we were going around the table, telling everyone what we were thankful for. My girlfriend said she was thankful for her vibrator, because I can't please her like it can. My family thought this was funny. FML

#18346597
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37346) - you deserved it (8343)

On 11/25/2011 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by notgoodenough - United States (Ohio)

Today, at the Black Friday Sale, a fully grown man hit my 5 year old daughter for an Xbox. In anger, I punched the guy and gave him a bloody nose. I'm now banned from Best Buy, and my daughter has a concussion. FML

#18344232
497 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47547) - you deserved it (5790)

On 11/25/2011 at 3:20am - misc - by nicoreal89 - United States (Texas)

Today, during my boyfriend's family reunion, I started my period but didn't have any tampons. I asked my boyfriend to ask his mom if she had any. I sat on the toilet waiting, then heard him loudly ask his whole family "Does anybody have a tampon my girlfriend can have?" FML

#18343392
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31580) - you deserved it (3981)

On 11/25/2011 at 1:13am - misc - by Jessie - United States



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